


Enchanted

by motherbearof3



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Fluff and Smut, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-04 13:38:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12169971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherbearof3/pseuds/motherbearof3
Summary: Rafael Barba needs to know that Olivia Benson isn't upset with him after the conclusion of a long and rocky case. She isn't and they end up in a relationship that we've all been hoping for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N updated 06/09/18)
> 
> This popped into my head after watching "Sanctuary" at the end of S18. As far as I'm concerned, Dodds interrupted the conversation before it could go anywhere.
> 
> This was my second post on here, my first in this fandom and my first endeavor back into fan fiction in 30-some years. 
> 
> The people of SVU belong to Dick Wolf. The plot is mine.

“Disenchanted.” It was a statement, not a question, said with that little half smile he used only when he talked to her.

He hoped that the differences they’d had on the case that just wrapped up wasn’t going to affect their relationship. _Relationship! What relationship?_ There’s was strictly professional, much to his increasing dismay.

She met his green eyes with her brown and thought, “Disenchanted? Nothing could be farther from the truth!”

Her gaze shifted from his face to his slightly loosened necktie, tucked into his omnipresent vest and dress shirt, still crisp after all day and wondered, not for the first time, what he looked like without what she thought of as his lawyer armor.

“Liv?” His voice broke through and she shook her head slightly to clear it of the thoughts that had her feeling it was too warm in her office.

“No. Not disenchanted at all.”

“Good. But I can’t talk you into a cocktail?” Rafael Barba wondered where her thoughts had been, because his had certainly strayed from the professional in that moment, looking at the smooth skin of her neck and following it down to where her dark blouse buttoned, wondering what she had on beneath it.

She walked around from behind her desk, removing the physical barrier from between them and leaned against the edge of it, making her shorter than he. The boots she wore daily for work made them about even in height, but now she had to tilt her head back a little to look at him. As she did, she put her palms on the desk behind her, making her blouse pull across her breasts. If he looked down he might get a glimpse of what was beneath. But then she'd see him looking.

“Much as I would like to join you for a drink, I'm so tired that one would have me asleep on the table,” she said.

“What about dinner, then? You have to eat.” He knew neither of them had eaten lunch, his protein smoothie before the gym this morning seemed like yesterday and all the cups of courtroom coffee just left him hungry and his heart racing. At least he thought it was the coffee, not the nearness of one Lieutenant Olivia Benson.

She smiled ruefully and replied somewhat sheepishly, “Since I didn’t know how late today was going to go, Lucy is keeping Noah overnight and so I was going pick up a pizza on my way home and probably a pint of ice cream.”

“What’s your favorite flavor? I’ll change, get dessert and meet you at your place.” He didn’t want to be alone tonight. He was tired of going home to an empty apartment.

She tipped her head to the side and contemplated his offer. On one hand, she wanted nothing more than to eat pizza and ice cream in her ratty t-shirt, watching a sappy movie. On the other, the thought of spending non-work related time alone with Rafael Barba was very appealing. Throwing caution to the wind, she smiled and stood up from the desk, once again putting them eye to eye.

“Deal.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the rest of what I have already written. My head knows where I'd like it to go, but like so many of us on here I feel awkward writing smut. LOL
> 
> Thanks to MiladyBBtop for filling in the blanks for the episode that prompted this. Anyone else counting the days until the season premiere? It's been on my calendar for weeks! Not sure if I want to watch it live or DVR to enjoy later.

Olivia emerged from the pizza shop, box in hand and walked the final block to her building. She hoped she had beaten Barba there to give her time to change clothes and maybe even take a quick shower. It had been a long day; hell, a long week. She didn't see him on her stoop and she hurried upstairs to her apartment. Unlocking the door, she put the pizza box in the oven on warm and hurried to the bathroom.

She'd have liked to linger under the warm water but she lathered up quickly with her favorite body wash, and gave her legs a quick shave and turned off the water, only to hear knocking at her door. _Damn!_

Wrapping a towel around her body, she dashed out and peered through the peep hole. Barba stood there with a brown paper bag. She flipped the locks and pulled the door open. He stepped inside and took in her attire.

“You're dripping on the floor,” he said. “Go get dressed. I'll wipe it up and put the ice cream away.”

Suddenly self conscious of her towel that ended mid-thigh, Olivia turned and went down the hall to her bedroom, closing the door behind her. Leaning against it, she drew a breath. _Settle down!_ She chided herself. _It's just Barba._ Just Rafael Barba who had never seen her in anything other than work clothes or her police uniform. Now he'd seen her all but naked!

He heard, rather than saw her bedroom door close as he walked into the galley kitchen. It was tidy, as expected, save for a cup in the sink, presumably from her coffee that morning. Putting the ice cream in the freezer, and finding a towel on a hook, he returned to the entry to wipe up the water. As Barba crouched down to dry the floor, he thought about the water droplets on Liv’s bare shoulder and wondered what her skin would taste like if he licked them. The thought sent a rush of heat to his groin.

Straightening up, he adjusted his jeans. He took the towel back into the kitchen and was wondering what to do with it, when she spoke from behind him, “You didn’t have to do that.”

He hadn’t heard her come out of her bedroom and walk up behind him, her feet bare on the carpeting. He turned and took in her non-work clothes of soft stretchy leggings and a t-shirt. Her hair was still damp from her shower and she hadn’t bothered with makeup. It made him feel good that she was comfortable enough to go without in front of him.

“What should I do with this?” he held out the towel. She took it from him, opened a small closet and dropped it into a laundry basket.

Liv had exited her bedroom and saw Rafael walk into her kitchen, admiring the view of his ass in a pair of well worn jeans into which were tucked -- what else? a button up shirt. But this one wasn’t as crisply pressed like the ones he wore each day to work. When he turned and held out the towel he’d wiped her floor with, she noticed the top two buttons were undone and the sleeves were rolled up, revealing his muscular forearms. So this is what he looked like without his lawyer armor. She liked it as much as the vests and suspenders.

“Pizza’s in the oven on warm,” she said, opening it and bending over to pull out the box. Now it was his turn to admire her ass. She turned with the box in hand. “Plates or no plates?”

“No plates. I don’t know the last time I ate pizza straight from the box,” he replied.

They walked the short distance from the kitchen to her couch and she put the box on the coffee table. In a bin under it, Raf saw some of Noah’s cars and trucks. She sat down, a leg tucked under her and opened the pizza. It had cooled enough that they could pull slices apart without losing the cheese. They each took a bite and savored the first taste of food both had had since the start of a very long day. For a moment they chewed in silence and then Liv said, “Would you like a drink? I have wine, beer -- what?” she broke off as he smiled that little half smile at her.

“You have sauce --” he reached a hand out toward the corner of her mouth and as his thumb reached it, the tip of her tongue came out to get the errant drop. Thumb and tongue met and he inhaled sharply, as if her tongue had touched a more intimate part of his body. Their eyes met and each saw a spark of desire in the others. She pulled her tongue back in and stood up, putting her slice back in the box.

“I’ll get some napkins.”

He felt like she was running away from him, so he did the same and stood up as well. “How about some wine, too?” he said.

The walked in silence to the kitchen. She opened a drawer for a handful of napkins, then turned and reached for a bottle of red wine on the counter. “Glasses?” he asked and she opened a cupboard. He reached up and removed two while she opened the wine. Pouring generously, she picked up her glass and took a drink. It seemed to loosen her tongue.

“Raf, I --” she stopped.

“Liv,” he paused and took a drink from his glass. Then, returning it to the counter, he took hers from her hand, and placed it there as well. “Liv, I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time.”

He placed both his hands on either side of her face and pressed his lips to hers. She stood very still, reveling in the gentleness of the kiss but wanting more. She put her hands to his waist and increased the pressure of her own lips on his, then gently sucked on his bottom lip. She tasted wine. And as if she had taken a full drink from the glass, felt a warmth spread through her body. He took her action as permission to slip his tongue into her mouth and tasted wine and pizza sauce combined with a flavor that was all her own.

Raf pulled his mouth off hers and gave her that half smile. “Guess I wasn’t the only one.”

She returned the smile and said, “No, counselor, you weren’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: I have chapter 3 started. Not much written yet but it’s still swirling in my head. Trying to decide if I want to smut it up a little so fast or not. Glad to have the show back now even though S19 premiere wasn’t that exciting. E2 looks better. But was I the only one who swooned a little when Barba spoke Spanish? I never took it and haven’t a clue what he said, but oh my! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's chapter 3. I had hoped to get it posted before the season premiere on Wednesday, but I was stuck for a little while and then I needed to do some research into a past episode to see when it happened. You'll know when you get there. Also, I was torn between diving right into the smut or not, but decided at their age, they would probably take it slower. At little slower, anyway. ; ) Please let me know what you think. Thank you for all the kudos and comments so far! I need to re-watch the season premiere just to hear that line in Spanish again. I know it was something probably filled with legalese, but the way it rolled off his tongue was just swoon-worthy!

Heart pounding and a little weak-kneed from the kiss, Olivia picked up her wine glass and the napkins and returned to the couch, sinking down on the cushions in the corner. Rafael followed with his own glass, a little puzzled, but elated that she had returned his kiss. His words were the truth that he’d wanted to do that for a very long time. They’d worked side by side now, detective now lieutenant and D.A. for five years. She had impressed him from the start, with her intelligence and ability to lead, but also with her compassion for victims. It was after her second ordeal with William Lewis three years ago that he realized he had feelings that were more than platonic for the leader of the Manhattan SVU. When she disappeared, Barba was furious that she had allowed herself to go along with the sociopath. Then when they found her, covered in Lewis’ blood and looking so traumatized, his heart exploded with emotion that took him by surprise. It was only years of wearing his courtroom mask of neutrality that prevented everyone from seeing how he felt.

“Something wrong?” he asked, sitting beside her. She shook her head.

“Not at all.” Then she chuckled, retrieving her abandoned slice of pizza. “I’m hungry.”

“Oh.” Relieved, he smiled at her, and then they both broke into laughter and settled down to eat in companionable silence. After each had consumed two slices of pizza and were on their second glass of wine each, Liv picked up a remote and with a push of a button, smooth jazz filled the air from speakers in the corners of the room. 

Barba’s eyebrows rose. He wasn’t sure what kind of music he expected her to like, but jazz wasn’t it. He wasn’t complaining since it was his first choice, followed by classical. She shrugged at his surprise, and swung herself around on the couch so she could snuggle against his side, her head against his shoulder. He instinctively put an arm around her. Toeing off his loafers, he used a socked foot to move the pizza box, then stretched out his legs and rested his feet on the coffee table.

“That okay?” he asked. She rolled her eyes.

“Please. That table has seen far worse from Noah.”

She reached up and toyed with the buttons on his shirt, then unbuttoned two more and slid her hand inside to caress the warm skin on his chest when she realized he wasn’t wearing an undershirt beneath.  Liv could feel the firm muscles beneath her hand and imagined what he looked like shirtless. He slid his hand from her shoulder to where her t-shirt had crept up at the waist of her leggings and ran a finger along the sliver of exposed skin, before slipping his hand under the shirt, feeling the goosebumps appear as he did. 

Rafael wrapped his other arm around her waist and pulled her closer. She lifted her head to look at him and he captured her lips with his. Their second kiss was more exploratory as they sought to find out what the other liked. Hands roamed while tongues dueled, dancing back and forth between their mouths. At his urging, she levered herself up and swung a leg over his, to sit facing him, a knee on either side of his hips. This freed up both of his hands and one wound their way into her hair, the other returned to beneath her shirt, to caress the soft skin on her back. 

She caressed the short hair at the nape of his neck and then lowered her head to kiss the exposed skin on his chest, working her way up to his ear. When she gently bit on his earlobe, he moaned quietly and raised his hips to press his erection into her center. Liv rolled her hips in response, and returned her mouth to his, kissing him hotly. Then it was his turn to see what she thought of kisses along the side of her neck. She tipped her head to one side to allow him better access and caught her breath when he hit a sensitive spot. Then, without warning, she yawned. A jaw cracking, eye watering yawn. She buried her face in his shoulder.

“Sorry. You’re not boring me. I promise,” she whispered, pressing herself into his hardness once again. His breath hissed between his teeth, torn between wanting to take her there on the couch or waiting until they would both enjoy it more. Ignoring the throbbing in his jeans, Barba said,

“ _ Mi amor _ , as much as I’m enjoying this, we are both exhausted; and when I make love to you, I want you fall asleep after, not during.”

He placed one last kiss on her mouth, a promise for another time, moved his feet from the coffee table to the floor, and slid them into his loafers. Then he helped her to her feet and stood. Removed from his embrace, Olivia felt cold and even more tired, if that was possible, courtesy of the food and wine. She looked down at the pizza box and wine glasses.

“Leave them,” he said.

Still holding one of her hands, he walked to the door then gathered her into his arms one more time. Barefoot, she was a couple inches shorter and her head fit perfectly onto his shoulder. She slid her arms around his back and buried her nose in his neck, breathing in his scent. She was feeling very glad she had thrown caution to the wind in her office. Reluctantly, she relinquished her hold and gazed into his green eyes. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” She knew she would. She always did. But she wanted him to confirm it.

“Of course.” There was that little half smile, and it made her smile as well.

“Then……. good night, Rafael.”

“Good night, Liv. Sweet dreams.” 

He opened the door, walked into the hallway and closed it behind him. He waited until he heard her flip all the locks, then he walked slowly to the elevator, hands in his pockets. This was not the way he expected the evening to turn out when he initially invited her to get a drink.

On the other side of the door Olivia leaned against the door for a moment, then pushed off of it and started down the hallway to her bedroom. She stripped off her leggings and crawled beneath the covers on her bed. She was nearly asleep when she remembered the term of endearment Rafael had used.  _ Mi amor. _ She smiled as sleep claimed her.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

“Mommy!” Noah flung himself at his mother, who had still been asleep and having a lovely dream about being kissed by District Attorney Rafael Barba. She opened her eyes to see her son on the bed beside her and wrapped her arms around him to hug him tightly as his little arms went around her neck.

“Hello, my sweet boy.” Then she realized Noah was dressed and Lucy, his nanny, was standing in the doorway. She swallowed hard, remembering it hadn’t been a dream and last night had actually happened.

“Sorry, Olivia. I told him not to wake you when we got here and I realized you weren’t up,” said Lucy. “It’s Show and Tell today and Noah forgot to bring something with him last night. He wants to take one of his Thomas trains. So we stopped to get it on the way to school.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, sitting up and pulling Noah into her lap. “Did you have a good time with Lucy, yesterday?”

“Yes! We went to the park after school and had pizza for dinner, and ice cream for dessert,” he chattered away. “There’s a pizza box on the table, Mommy. Did you have pizza for dinner too?”

Olivia met Lucy’s eyes over Noah’s head and she knew the younger woman had seen the two wine glasses. She nodded, ruffling his hair. “I did. Now, why don’t you run to your room and get your train so you’re not late for school.”

“Okay.” Noah slid off of her bed, ran from the room. Liv threw back the covers, stood and reached for her robe. Once she had it on, she went quickly into the living room and retrieved the wine glasses, putting them in the sink. Then she returned for the pizza box. By that time, Noah had emerged from his room with his favorite train engine in hand, followed by Lucy.

“I should be home for dinner, tonight,” she told Lucy as the three of them walked to the door. “Goodbye, sweet boy.” She knelt down and kissed her son on the cheek. “Have a good day.”

“‘Bye, Mommy.”

  
After Noah and Lucy left, Olivia showered and dressed for the day. As she looked in the mirror to apply lipstick, she thought again about the kisses she had exchanged with Rafael the night before, and smiled at her reflection.  _ When I make love to you _ , he’d said, not if. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More notes at the end. The characters belong to NBC and Dick Wolf. Without them we wouldn't be able to play like this! Enjoy!

It wasn’t like Benson expected to see Barba waiting in her office when she arrived at work that morning, but neither did she expect it would take until mid afternoon for her to see his green eyes again. She returned to her office from a meeting with Deputy Chief Dodds, strode into her office and didn’t see him sitting on the couch under the window.

“Hi, there.”  She jumped, gasped and spun around, hand to her chest.

“Barba!” Those green eyes twinkled and that half smile didn’t slow the pounding in her chest that was initially from being startled.

Today he was back in his lawyer armor. Gray three piece suit, crisp shirt that was a pale gray on gray stripe and an emerald tie with matching pocket square that made his eyes even more green, if that was possible. She drank in the sight of him, wishing the blinds at the window behind him weren’t open; allowing anyone from the squad room beyond a clear view into her office.

Rafael Barba had spent the day completing paperwork. Typically he didn’t mind it. Sometimes, he even enjoyed it; dotting the I’s, crossing the T’s. But today his mind was elsewhere. It kept drifting back to the evening before. The evening he’d spent with Lt. Olivia Benson. He kept thinking about her soft lips, her silky skin, and her breasts as they had been pressed against his chest when she straddled his lap. Finally his schedule was free enough he could pay a visit to her office. She hadn’t been there when he arrived but he told her detectives he’d wait. Fortunately, that wasn’t unusual and they weren’t surprised.

Now he rose from the couch to stand in front of her. In her boots, they were once again eye to eye. “Hi,” he repeated.

“Hi,” she replied softly. “I was wondered when I’d see you today.”

“It was paperwork day,” he shrugged. “So… about last night.”  
  
“Last night was nice.” She smiled and he chuckled.

“Better than nice, if you ask me,” he said. Knowing his body blocked the view of her from anyone looking through the window, he reached out and took one of her hands in his, running his thumb over her knuckles. “When can I see you again?”

Olivia licked her lips, her mouth having gone dry at his touch. “I told Noah I’d be home for dinner tonight,” she said. Barba shifted his feet, his trousers suddenly having gotten tighter at the sight of her tongue, remembering how it felt against his neck.

“Okay.” He nodded. “Tomorrow? Dinner?”

“Tomorrow is good. Noah is going to spend the night at Lucy’s mom’s. She loves him. She has no grandchildren of her own yet, and she likes to spoil him.”

“How can anyone not love him? He’s your son.” That made her smile widely. She gave his hand a squeeze.

“So what time?” _A date! With Rafael Barba!_ Feeling like a schoolgirl, she was already thinking about what to wear.

Before he could answer, Fin Tutuola appeared in the doorway. They released each other’s hands quickly, hoping the sharp eyed sergeant hadn’t noticed. He had, of course, but kept his poker face on as he spoke,

“Liv, witness is ready for the lineup.”

In his head however, he was thinking: _‘Bout damn time! Those two have been dancing around each other for years._

“Great. Be right there,” she replied. “You want to stay for this?” Her eyes turned back to the man standing in front of her. He didn’t really need to. This lineup was just a formality, but there was nothing that required his immediate return to his office and this gave him an excuse to spend a few minutes more with Olivia, knowing he wouldn’t see her tonight.

“Might as well.” He placed a hand on her lower back to guide her from her office and even though she was wearing a blouse and blazer, Liv reacted as if he had he touched her bare skin like the night before, with goosebumps down her arms and a rush of warmth. She paused for a moment, letting his hand linger, before she stepped out the door of her office.

Detectives Amanda Rollins and Sonny Carisi were at their desks, Fin having already gone into the lineup room. They watched the couple walk past them and Rollins turned to Carisi and hissed, “They need to get a room already!”

“What are you talking about, Rollins?” As in his own life, Carisi was oblivious to any kind of romantic innuendo.

“The lieutenant and Barba!” She smacked his arm and kept her voice lowered. “Jeez, Carisi, where have you been? The temperature went up 10 degrees when they walked past us just now.”

“You’re imagining things, ‘Manda,” he said.

“I am not,” she said confidently. “Watch them.”

But there was nothing for Carisi to watch, as Barba left for his office when they were done in the lineup room. They had made sure to stand far enough apart in the small room that they couldn’t accidentally touch one another, but they couldn’t keep from looking. Olivia was wearing her usual; slacks, blouse and blazer, but all Barba could think about was unbuttoning those buttons one by one, and pressing his lips against the swell of her breasts. He thrust his hands into his trouser pockets to hide the beginnings of an erection at the thought. She watched him do so, and gave him a wink that said she knew why he did it. When the short -- and successful -- lineup was complete, Fin escorted the witness to the bank of elevators, taking longer than necessary to thank the man for his time to allow them time to say goodbye. One thing Odafin Tutuola was, was a romantic at heart, and he wanted this to work for them.

“What time tomorrow?” asked Olivia after Fin and the witness left the room. She didn’t have the courage to stand close enough to touch him and not, so she stayed more than an arm’s length away.

“I’ll pick you up at 7:00.”

“Perfect. I can’t wait, Rafael.” She smiled at him and he wanted nothing more than to sweep her into his arms and kiss her senseless. But that wasn’t a wise move in the middle of the precinct where anyone could walk in. So he settled for a return smile.

“Me too. Have a good dinner with Noah tonight. Tell him I said hello.”

“I will.”  
  
They left the lineup room and he walked to the elevators where Fin was still standing.

“Detective,” nodded the lawyer.

“Barba,” the detective returned the greeting with a level gaze. Then, “I’ve known Liv for almost 20 years. Seen her hurt by a few bad dudes. Wouldn’t want to see that happen again.”

_Shit. He knows._ Barba met the other man’s eyes confidently. “Neither would I.”

“Good to know,” said Fin, and turned and strolled toward his desk.

Back at her desk, Liv opened her laptop and browsed some websites, wondering if she could order for in-store pickup tomorrow to have a something new for her date with the ADA. She had no idea where they would go, but knowing Rafael Barba, it would require something other than the little black dress in her closet that she usually dusted off for dinner dates. As she clicked through the dresses, one caught her eye. It was simple with a touch of sexiness. And available in her size. She completed the purchase, then submitted a request to use some of her ridiculously large amount of accrued vacation time the next day. She’d spend the morning with Noah, see him off with Lucy’s mom and then take the afternoon for herself and get ready for their date. A shiver of anticipation went through her at the thought of an entire evening together. Then she forced herself to focus on clearing off her desk so she wouldn’t have any loose ends that would make her regret taking the day off.

 

The following morning Liv and Noah had breakfast in front of the television, watching his favorite programs then built a train track around the living room, complete with a cardboard box tunnel. He had several runs of his train while she packed his bag for the overnight trip to New Jersey. After a carpet picnic lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches -- no crust -- Lucy arrived to take Noah to her mom’s and Olivia departed to pick up her dress. Impulsively, she stopped by the nail salon she frequented a couple times a year where they were able to fit her in for a mani/pedi. She stuck with the usual French manicure on her hands, but opted for dark red on her toes.

At the department store, she got her dress and then detoured into the lingerie department. If Rafael Barba was going to fulfill his promise from the other night, she wanted something else than her usual underwear. She didn’t exactly wear granny panties, but they were definitely of the more practical variety. Then it was home to bathe, shave, pluck, curl and generally be a girl getting ready for a date.

Later that evening, the green eyed lawyer looked himself over critically in the mirror as he finished up with his tie. He’d gone with a dark brown suit; suspenders, no vest. His shirt was a creamy ivory and tie a patterned amber with a tie tack that matched his cufflinks. He couldn’t remember the last time he was nervous about taking a woman to dinner. But Lt. Olivia Benson wasn’t just “a woman”. She was the woman he wanted to see when he woke in the morning and before he went to sleep at night. She was the woman he wanted to laugh with when he was happy, cry with when he was sad and vent to when he was frustrated.

He picked up his watch and buckled it onto his wrist, noting the time. He needed to be going to pick her up at 7 p.m. Shrugging into his jacket, he grabbed his keys and the flowers he’d bought. His _mami_ always said you should take a girl flowers on the first date. He didn’t know what kind Olivia liked and he wasn’t going full on with roses (yet) so it was a mixed bouquet.

Even though he had a reserved space in the garage at his office, the ADA didn’t drive his car often, since cabs, the subway and walking was just as convenient. But he was going to do this date right. Besides, he didn’t want a cab driver watching the two of them from the front seat. Amazingly, there was a parking space at the curb in front of her building. Flowers in hand, he buzzed her apartment and was admitted to the building. Upstairs, Olivia was suddenly struck with butterflies in her stomach after she pressed the button to allow him in. She took a deep breath as there was a knock at the door. She looked through the peep hole and let her breath out with a whoosh as she saw him. _That man knows how to wear a suit!_

When the door swung open, Rafael was the one struggling for a breath. All thoughts left his head as he looked at the woman standing before him. Her dark hair that was usually straight or slightly wavy now fell in soft curls that framed her face. The dress she wore exposed more skin than he was accustomed to seeing: her arms were bare and the neckline plunged far enough to show the smallest bit of cleavage between her breasts. It was the color of his favorite scotch when you held the glass to the light. It brought out warm gold highlights in her dark eyes and the fabric clung to every curve.

“Hello, Rafael,” she said. “Are those for me?”

Her voice broke him out of his daze and he stepped into the apartment, handing her the flowers.

“They are.” He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, but she turned her head so their lips were millimeters apart.

“We’re alone. You can kiss me properly.”

“If I kiss you properly, we won’t go to dinner.” He put a hand under her hair at the back of neck and pressed his mouth to hers, once, twice, three times before stepping back and running that hand down her arm. “You look amazing.”

“Thank you. So do you.” Liv opened his jacket slightly to reveal the suspenders and grinned cheekily. “I was hoping you’d have them on when I didn’t see a vest.

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow and she countered with a shrug.

“I like it when you wear suspenders.” She ran her hand that wasn’t holding the flowers down his shirt front to where the suspenders buttoned to his trousers, and grasped his waistband, tugging him closer. “When you have them on in court, I can’t take my eyes off of you.”

Then she slid her hand around the back of his waist and up his back under his jacket, leaned into his chest and pressed her lips to his. When he put his arms around her back his hands encountered bare skin and she moaned quietly against his mouth at his touch. _Her back was bare?_ Desire was building in him and he knew if he didn’t tamp it down, they would seriously not make it to the restaurant. Firmly grasping her arms, he put her away from him. He looked in her dark eyes and was nearly lost.

“Liv,” he said, trying to be the voice of reason. “We have reservations. And we have all night.”

She nodded in agreement, even though she would have gladly let him drop her dress to the floor; reservations be damned. “Let me put these in water and we can go.”

Turning away from him to walk to the kitchen, Barba got a look at the back of the dress he’d touched moments before and briefly reconsidered his previous statement. There was a small piece of fabric that went across the top of her back to hold it on, he could only imagine, but then the rest of her back was bare almost to her waist where the fabric draped elegantly. There was also a slit up the back from the hem and as she walked he thought he caught a glimpse of the top of a stocking. _She was wearing stockings?_ He bit back a Spanish expletive as the erection that had been starting to fade pulsed back to life.

The drive to the restaurant was brief but long enough for Olivia to think about the evening ahead. Clearly their physical attraction was mutual but other things he said and did made her think it was more than that. She had long accepted the fact she was in love with the lawyer. Even when she was dating Ed Tucker. And before that, Brian Cassidy. But she never let herself think it was reciprocated. Until now. She looked over at his profile as he maneuvered the car through the streets of the city and put her left hand over his right that rested on the gearshift between them. He grasped it and lifted it to his lips, taking his eyes off the road briefly to give her that endearing half smile.

Handing the keys to the valet, Barba helped Olivia from the car and guided her into the restaurant. She gave a small gasp of surprise as they were led to their table. The place looked like an old-fashioned supper club. There were tables edging a small dance floor, and more intimate booths farther back in the room. It was to one of those they were led. The maitre’d pulled out the table for them to be seated, and handed Barba a wine list.

“This is amazing, Barba! Do they really have live music?” she asked, looking at the elevated bandstand at the back of the dance floor. “And dancing?” He nodded, looking over the wine list, knowing she preferred red.

“They do. Is that okay?”

“Well, I can’t remember the last time I danced, but yes.” Her eyes were sparkling. “Have you been here before?”’

“No. I’d heard about it, and wanted to, but hadn’t until now. Then when you played the music in your apartment the other night I decided I wanted to come here with you.”

Halfway through their meal, the band took the stage and began playing soft jazz. Barba looked at Olivia and wanted to rush her to finish so he could hold her in his arms again, but none of the other diners had moved to dance yet and he certainly didn’t want to be the first ones. Not that he was ashamed of his dancing skills, but he didn’t know how comfortable Liv would be doing that. She caught him looking at her and smiled. She placed a hand on his cheek and leaned over to kiss him gently.

“Dancing or dessert?” she asked.

“Kissing you is better than any dessert,” he replied and she blushed. That made him mimic her gesture and cup her face and return the kiss, a little more passionately, making her a glad they were away from the main part of the restaurant.

By this time, a few couples had made their way to the dance floor, so Barba pushed the table away from them and took Olivia’s hand, leading her there as well. Taking her in his arms, he pulled her close.

“Don’t step on my toes, counselor,” she teased.

“I’ll have you know Latin men are naturally good dancers,” he retorted, not mentioning the dance lessons he took in law school in hope of impressing a classmate. It didn’t work, but the lessons, combined with a natural rhythm, had him now leading her effortlessly around the dance floor. The music picked up tempo and he did as well, leaving her thoroughly impressed with his skills, even though she stumbled a couple times.

The band took a short break and they returned to their table to find the plates gone, and coffee cups in their place. The couple sat closer this time than they had during dinner, the dancing making them loathe to not touch one another.

“You really are a very good dancer, Rafael,” she told him, picking up her cup with one hand, tracing her fingers across his free hand with her other.

“I have a good partner,” he replied, twining his fingers with hers and holding them tight. He looked into her dark eyes and was about to suggest they leave when the band returned. As he heard the opening bars, he decided one more dance was in order. “C’mon. This is a good song.”

The tune was familiar but she couldn’t identify it right away. Slower than some of the others they’d danced to, it was clearly a Latin song. He pulled her close and tucked the hand that wasn’t on his shoulder under his against his chest. They had danced a few steps when she heard him start to sing softly in Spanish.

 

_Bésame, bésame mucho_  
_Como si fuera esta noche  
_ _La última vez_

_Bésame, bésame mucho_  
_Que tengo miedo a perderte  
_ _Perderte después_

_Bésame, bésame mucho_  
_Como si fuera esta noche  
_ _La última vez_

_Bésame, bésame mucho_  
_Que tengo miedo a perderte  
_ _Perderte después_

_Quiero tenerte muy cerca_  
_Mirarme en tus ojos_  
_Verte junto a mi_  
_Piensa que tal vez mañana_  
_Yo ya estaré lejos  
_ _Muy lejos de ti_

 

Olivia’s Spanish was a little more than rudimentary. You couldn’t be a cop in New York City and not have a decent grasp of the language. So she understood most of what he was saying. Plus now she recognized the song. It was on one of her favorite jazz albums. But she didn’t realize that Rafael Barba could sing. And oh, could he sing! She wanted to hear that voice sing to her everyday. The music, the dancing, being sung to; all of it kindled a flame of desire deep in her that had her legs trembling.

“Raf,” she said huskily. He stopped singing and looked at her, hearing the change in her voice. “ _Te quiero_.”

Then she said it again.

  
_“Te quiero. Ahora.”_ (I want you. Now.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a little longer than my previous chapters, but the muse was on a roll last week and over the weekend. I actually researched and there is a restaurant in NYC similar to where they went. 
> 
> I can take no credit for the Spanish. The dialogue at the end was stolen from a work by SaintDionysus with her generous permission, and the song lyrics came straight from Google. After I recently heard Raul Esparza sing in both English and Spanish and swooned more than a little, I needed to put that in there. I found two versions of Besame Mucho on Spotify that I listened to several times while writing that scene. One is by Andrea Bocelli (https://open.spotify.com/track/5WHnE8MsLFHqSUwecrs7WO) and the other is by Diana Krall (https://open.spotify.com/track/2RvRcb0PpVyDr6lnMBbwC5). Hers is the on the album I envisioned Benson having. I hope the links work.
> 
> Here are the words with translation if you're interested:
> 
> Bésame Mucho  
> (Kiss me much more)
> 
> Bésame, bésame mucho  
> Como si fuera esta noche  
> La última vez
> 
> (Kiss me more, kiss me much more times  
> as if this beautiful night is  
> the very last time)
> 
> Bésame, bésame mucho  
> Que tengo miedo a perderte  
> Perderte después
> 
> (Kiss me more, kiss me much more times  
> because I fear I will lose you  
> I’ll lose you sometime)
> 
> Bésame, bésame mucho  
> Como si fuera esta noche  
> La última vez
> 
> (Kiss me more, kiss me much more times  
> as if this beautiful night is  
> the very last time)
> 
> Bésame, bésame mucho  
> Que tengo miedo a perderte  
> Perderte después
> 
> (Kiss me more, kiss me much more times  
> because I fear I will lose you  
> I’ll lose you sometime)
> 
> Quiero tenerte muy cerca  
> Mirarme en tus ojos  
> Verte junto a mi  
> Piensa que tal vez mañana  
> Yo ya estaré lejos  
> Muy lejos de ti
> 
> (I want to have you right by me  
> to look at me in you eyes and  
> see you beside me  
> I think that maybe tomorrow  
> I’ll be away far  
> far from where you’ll be)
> 
> Bésame, bésame mucho  
> Como si fuera esta noche  
> La última vez
> 
> (Kiss me more, kiss me much more times  
> as if this beautiful night is  
> the very last time)
> 
> Bésame, bésame mucho  
> Que tengo miedo a perderte  
> Perderte después
> 
> (Kiss me more, kiss me much more times  
> because I fear I will lose you  
> I’ll lose you sometime)
> 
> Bésame, bésame mucho  
> Que tengo miedo a perderte  
> Perderte después
> 
> (Kiss me more, kiss me much more times  
> because I fear I will lose you  
> I’ll lose you sometime)
> 
> Que tengo miedo a perderte  
> Perderte después
> 
> (Because I fear I’ll lose you  
> I’ll lose you sometime)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, friends! Let's start the week off right with another chapter!
> 
> First let me say this chapter may lean a little more toward Explicit than Mature, but not too much I think as long as you're over 18 or so. But it's not a chapter I'd want my daughters (who are 14 and 15) to read. Read at your own discretion or wait for Chapter 6 when the afterglow and cuddling takes place. : )
> 
> Second, thank you all for the kudos and comments. I wasn't sure when wrote the first two chapters as one piece for myself that anyone would ever read it, let alone want more. LOL
> 
> I'm not sure how much longer this will go, but at least a few more chapters. Enjoy!

Holding her hand, he led her quickly back to the table for her purse and wrap, scribbled his name on the check that had appeared with the coffee, then made their way to the valet stand, thrusting the ticket at the young man. While they waited, he draped her wrap around her shoulders, pulled her close to his side and pressed his lips to her temple, not daring himself to speak. Hearing her declare her desire for him, in Spanish no less, overwhelmed him; physically and emotionally. Finally the car appeared and he helped her in, closed the door and rounded to the driver’s side, tipping the valet generously. Everyone should be as happy he was right now.

He had already made the decision to take her to his apartment. Hers would have reminders of other lovers and her child. He didn’t want her to think about any of that. Right now, tonight, she wasn’t a mother; she was a beautiful, desirable woman, and he was going to do something he’d been longing to do: make her his They rode in silence, the air thick with unspoken desire. Fortunately the restaurant was closer to his apartment than hers and the drive was blessedly short.

His building was an old brownstone that had been converted into apartments and conveniently, had a small area for the tenants to park. He swung the car into his space, turned it off and climbed out. She was out of the car before he could reach the passenger side, an action that told him she hadn’t changed her mind. Grasping her hand in his, brought it to his lips for a kiss before leading the way into the building. Unlocking the door, he let her step in first and then closed the door behind him. The sound of the bolt sliding home jarred her and she suddenly felt shy. He read it immediately on her face.

“Querida,” he said softly, caressing her cheek. She leaned her head into his hand. He pulled her into his arms and gazed into the depths of her dark eyes. Any doubts she’d had dissolved as she looked into his green ones. Winding her arms around his neck, she melted into his embrace and pulled his mouth to hers, kissing him gently at first, then nipping at his bottom lip. He drew in a sharp breath, and to her surprise, swept her up in his arms and carried her to his bedroom.

Once inside, he put her back on her feet and said heatedly, “I’d have put you on the bed, but I want to watch that dress fall to the floor.”

He reached behind her neck to unfasten it but she took a step backward, and kicked off her shoes, saying, “Uh-huh. You first. You have more to take off than me.”

Narrowing his eyes at her, he shrugged off his jacket and placed it carefully on a nearby chair. Shoes were next. Putting a finger to the collar of his shirt, he loosened his tie to pull it from its knot but was stopped by the tie tack. Liv stepped closer and removed it, placing in the crystal dish on his dresser, and let him finish with the tie. Cuff links joined the tie tack. She took her hands and slid them across his chest to push the suspenders off of his shoulders and down his arms to hang from his waist. Never breaking eye contact, she pulled his shirt free from his trousers, unbuttoned it and pushed it down his arms to fall to the floor. Tugging his white undershirt free of his pants, she pulled it up over his head when he raised his arms to aid her. It landed somewhere on the floor. Barba was beyond caring where. Next her hands went to his waist to the fastenings there. As she unzipped his pants, her fingers deliberately brushed his hardness, eliciting a groan from him.

“Liv.”

“Step out and then it’s my turn,” she said as his pants dropped to his ankles. Carefully stepping out and picking up his trousers, he put them with his jacket. Her eyes left his to look at his boxer briefs where his erection was straining against the fabric. She offered him a small seductive smile. “Now you can undo my dress.”

His hands returned to underneath her hair and fumbled for the fastener. Getting it open, he pulled the fabric from her shoulders, down her arms and letting it go to puddle at her feet. She stood before him in only a scrap of lacy panties and stockings that were held up God only knew how, because she wore no garter belt. He raked her body with his gaze and his closely held control snapped.

Pulling her roughly to him, Rafael kissed her passionately, hands roaming her bare back and cupping her ass cheeks covered in lace so that he could press his erection against her. Olivia returned his kiss with equal fervor. He walked her toward the bed. When she felt it against the backs of her legs, she sat down on the duvet cover and reached for the waistband of his underwear, pushing them down to his knees and releasing his erection. She grasped it firmly in her hand and gave him a couple confident strokes. He dropped his head back and his breath hissed with pleasure. But his head snapped back forward when he felt her hand leave him, only to see her scoot back on the bed so she could lay comfortably.

“Come here,” she beckoned. He didn’t need a second invitation. Swiftly removing his boxers and socks, he lowered a knee onto to the bed and bent to kiss her knee through the stocking and ran a finger around the lace on her thigh, before rolling one, then the other stocking down her leg and off her foot.

Positioning himself on his knees between her legs, he ran his hands up the outside of each now bare leg, to her hips, waist, and up to just under her breasts, pausing briefly before cupping each one in his hands, earning him a moan of delight in response. Wanting to hear more, he lowered his head to press his mouth where he’d thought about the day before, then taking first one and then the other nipple in between his lips.

“Oh!” she gasped, and her hips bucked up involuntarily as the sensation of his mouth on her breasts went straight to her feminine core. She grasped the back of his head and brought his mouth up to hers so she could kiss him, running her tongue across his lips, so he opened his mouth and pressed his into hers, while his hardness pressed against her center. He could feel her dampness through her panties.

He pulled his mouth from hers and gazed at her flushed face, hair spread out on the pillow under her head. “Liv,” he said, he voice gravelly with emotion, “mi amor. Let me love you.”

“Yes, Raf. Yes,” she replied, and reached down to push her panties off. He helped pull them off her legs and moved back between them again, looking down at her, seeing the passion in her eyes.

As he positioned his tip at her entrance and she raised her hips up to accept him he stopped for a moment when he realized they hadn’t talked about protection. _Fuck_. When he didn’t move to enter her, Olivia looked at him in bewilderment.

“Rafael? What’s wrong?”

“Liv. Do I need to, I mean, should I get a condom?” he fumbled over the words, mentally kicking himself for not being responsible enough to have this conversation before he could barely control himself.

“Oh,” she chuckled. “No, it’s okay. I’m protected. And I’m clean. Those quarterly blood tests, you know.” As law enforcement exposed to a wide variety of crime scenes as well as perpetrators, she was required to submit to routine blood testing for her own protection.

He sighed with relief. “Good. Because I don’t know if I even have any condoms and I really didn’t want to stop this,” he surged forward and filled her with his hardness “to run to the bodega on the corner.” He had a hard time finishing the sentence at the feel of her warm tight body accept him.

“Ah! Raf!” she gasped. He took her by surprise and the sensation of him being inside her was overwhelming.

Barba didn’t move at first, but remained still, eyes locked with hers, so they could both appreciate the feeling of their bodies joined together. Then Liv moved her hips as an indication she wanted more, and he withdrew and thrust back into her again and again, until they found a natural rhythm. She raked her nails down his back and grabbed his ass to pull him deeper into her. He held himself up on his palms so he could watch her face. Lowering his head to her breasts, he kissed and suckled first one nipple then the other, knowing her reaction from before. She threw her head back and he could feel her inner muscles start to contract around him as she approached orgasm.

“Raf, I’m close. Oh, God,” she gasped.

“Come, mi amor. I want to feel you come,” he panted against her breasts feeling his own release building, making him thrust deeper into her as she wrapped her legs around his.

“Come with me, Rafael.” She opened her eyes and stared into the depths of his green ones, feeling the beginnings of orgasm start to sweep over her. “Come with me, mi amor.”

The term of endearment pushed him over the edge and with a couple more thrusts, he spilled himself inside her, momentarily seeing stars.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning -- and day -- after the big date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me this long to add the next chapter. I was stuck for a little while and then today (at work of course!) the muse spoke. I think this is a little longer than my other chapters. I hope you enjoy. Here's looking forward to a new episode tonight as well!

Olivia Benson woke gradually, as two things penetrated her consciousness. 

The first thing she became aware of was the strong muscular arm wrapped around her, holding her close; her naked back pressed against his naked chest. 

The second were the lips feathering kisses on her shoulder. Smiling, she laced her fingers with the hand that was resting under her breasts and pulled his arm tighter, sliding a foot backward to rub against his ankle.

“Is it morning?” she asked quietly. The heavy drapes in the room were pulled across the windows, giving no hint of the time and she couldn’t see a clock from where she lay. 

The lips stilled.

“No. Well, yes. But not time to get up morning, if that’s what you were asking.”

She shifted onto her back and gazed into the familiar green eyes of Rafael Barba and sighed happily, running her hand across his chest and shoulder, appreciating the toned muscles that his lawyer armor had hidden from her all these years.

“It was and good, I’m glad it’s not. I’m not ready for this to end.” She smiled and pressed her lips to his collarbone. He tensed slightly, and she made a face and gave her head a little shake. “That’s not what I meant. I meant I didn’t want to have to get up, get dressed…you know…” her voice drifted off as she bit her lip, knowing she wasn’t communicating well.

“I know,  _ mi amor _ ,” Barba said, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear and cupping her face. “And if I have any say in it, this isn’t going to end. Eighty-five and still squabbling, remember?” He lowered his head to kiss her gently. Before he could pull away, she ran her hand through the hair at the back of his head and held him in place, returning the kiss.

He rolled onto his back so he could wrap both arms around her, pulling her half on top of him. When the kiss ended, she nestled her head onto his shoulder and closed her eyes, feeling sleepy and content. He pressed his lips to her head and closed his as well, drifting back to sleep.

Hours later it was light out and some of it managed to filter in around the drapes. This time it was Rafael who woke first and gazed lovingly at the woman curled up beside him. Her head had slipped off his shoulder as they slept, but her arm was still across his chest. He lifted it gently and slid out of the bed. Pulling on his robe, he first went to the bathroom and then to the kitchen to make coffee. It was the smell of his expensive brew that woke Olivia a few minutes later. That and reaching out and finding the mattress cold and empty.

She slipped on his dress shirt that had been discarded the night before and opened the door that led to the adjoining master bath. On the sink she found he’d put out a new toothbrush for her. She smiled as she used it and washed her face, finger combing her hair that still retained some of the curls she’d put in for their date. Walking to the kitchen, she found him standing at the counter, pouring two cups of coffee.

“Good morning,” she said, kissing him on the cheek, liking the feel of his morning scruff against her lips.

“We’re alone. You can kiss me properly,” he mimicked her words from the evening before with a smirk. 

Smirking back, she replied, “If I kiss you properly, I won’t get my coffee.” 

She picked up one of the cups, took a sip and leaned back against the counter, stretching her legs out in front of her. Barba admired the long, toned limbs and thought he wanted her in his kitchen every morning, wearing only one of his shirts. They drank their coffee in silence for a minute or two, both thinking about how much their relationship had changed in the span of a few short days. Neither regretted a thing they’d done but both were unsure how it would be going forward. Each of them knew that friends to lovers didn’t always work.

“Hungry?” he finally asked.

“I could eat. You cook?” She raised an eyebrow at him, reaching for the coffee pot to refill her cup. She hardly ever had time to make coffee at home in the morning and his was ten times better than the brew at the precinct.

“Not like my mother or my  _ abuela _ ,” he shrugged, “but I make a decent omelette.”

“Better than me,” Olivia smiled. “I stick with plain scrambled.”

“Watch and learn then, lieutenant,” he said. “But I have to change. I can’t cook in this. You can get out the eggs and cheese and whatever else you want in yours.”

Barba disappeared down the hallway toward his bedroom. She opened the refrigerator and removed the container of eggs. Not seeing any pre-shredded cheese, she grabbed a chunk of aged cheddar. There was a green pepper in the vegetable drawer, and some mushrooms, so she added them to the ingredients on the counter. She was engrossed in exploring the refrigerator that she didn’t hear him return to the kitchen, now clad in lounge pants and a Harvard Law t-shirt. He saw her bent over, his shirt riding up to give just a hint of the curve of her backside.  _ Yes, he could get used to having Liv in his kitchen _ . He continued to admire the view until she straightened and turned around, catching him looking. 

“See something you like, counselor?” She winked at him. He grinned a little sheepishly and shrugged, opening a cupboard for a bowl and starting to crack eggs into it. Regaining his composure, he pointed to a drawer.

“Whisk.” 

She handed it to him, and leaned against the counter, watching him work. He skillfully chopped the vegetables and grated the cheese. Butter was melted in two pans before the eggs, whisked to a froth, were poured in.

“Do you want toast?” This was the first he’d spoken since starting to cook. “There’s a loaf of bread in there.” He indicated a tall cupboard door. She opened it to find not one, but several different kinds of what appeared to be homemade bread.

“Did you make this?” She removed one and closed the door. He chuckled.

“I don’t bake. My mother sends those over.”

“It looks amazing.”

“It is,” he promised, turning his attention back to the two omelettes. “Cutting board and knife are in that drawer to your left.”

Olivia cut four slices of bread and slipped them into the toaster. They popped up just as Barba was sliding the perfectly folded eggs onto two plates. She placed the toast alongside the omelettes while he got silverware from a drawer. They each took a plate and their refilled coffee cups to his small dining table. One bite and Liv closed her eyes with pleasure.

“Rafael, this is a little better than decent. This is amazing!” She took another bite and he smiled watching the expression on her face, liking the fact that he put it there.

“Glad you like it. Next time I’ll make you my French Toast,” he told her and a small thrill ran through Liv at the thought of them waking up together again. They ate in silence for a little while, before she looked at the clock over his fireplace.

“Shit! I need to pick up Noah at Lucy’s mom’s soon. And all I have is my dress from last night.” Barba reached over and covered her hand with his.

“Let’s do this: I’ll get a quick shower. Then you give me your keys and while you shower, I’ll go to your place and get you some clothes, because you’re right; you can’t pick up Noah wearing your clothes from last night. As much as I’d like to see you in that dress again.” He leaned closer and kissed her.

She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. “Come with me to get Noah?”

“Of course,  _ mi amor _ . I’ll drive.” He stood then, and took their plates into the kitchen. She followed and removed them from his hands.

“Go shower. I’ll do this.”

By the time she was done cleaning up from the breakfast preparations, Rafael had showered and dressed, having traded his lounge pants for jeans but kept the t-shirt. His hair was still damp and not as perfectly coiffed as Olivia was accustomed to seeing it. She decided she liked this look as much as his workday appearance, and couldn’t resist putting her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. She was still wearing just his dress shirt, and his hands slipped beneath the hem to run up her bare back. She exhaled against his mouth in a breathy sigh. 

“Raf….” She put her forehead against his. “We can’t. I need to get Noah.”

“I know.” He removed his hands to her hips on top of the fabric. “It’s just you...in nothing but my shirt….okay, where are your keys and what clothes do you want?”

Olivia looked around for her purse and found it on the table near the door. She retrieved her keys and showed him the one for the door.

“Just some jeans and a shirt is fine. They’re both in the tall dresser. Oh, and a bra and clean underwear please.” He kissed her briefly on the lips, and gave her a push toward the hall.

“Go shower. I'll be right back.”

While Olivia enjoyed her shower, Barba was at her apartment, feeling slightly awkward going through her drawers. He found the jeans and shirt, just as she'd said, but didn't know where to look for underthings. Opening a couple drawers, he finally found one that held panties and matching bras. He smirked.  _ Who'd have thought Lieutenant Olivia Benson matched her bras and underwear.  _ Choosing a lavender set, he tucked them into the folded jeans. He was leaving when he spotted a pair of Keds on the floor beside the door. Knowing the only shoes she had were the heels from last night, he grabbed them as well.

Letting himself back into his apartment, he heard music playing. Following the sound of it to his bedroom, he found Olivia, clad in one of his t shirts, dancing around the room as she made the bed. 

“Nice moves, lieutenant.”

She whirled around, blushing at getting caught. “Hey.”

“Hey. Here's your clothes. Get dressed so we can go pick up Noah.”

She took the folded clothes from his hands. “Underwear?”

“Inside the jeans. I wasn’t walking around with your lacy things hanging out,” he grinned, sitting on the corner of the neatly made bed.

“I need to get dressed,” she said, putting the clothes down.

“And?”

“Barba….” she shifted her feet. She felt a little uncomfortable dressing in front of him, regardless of how intimate they’d been the previous night. That was a different kind of intimacy. It clicked in his head and he stood.

“I’ll go check my email.”

She smiled at him. “I won’t be long.”

He left the bedroom, pulling the door closed behind him. Olivia unfolded the clothes and found the lavender set of matching underwear.  _ At least he found the drawer with the prettier ones! _ She dressed quickly, and went to join him in the other room.

“Barba,” she began, “I just realized I don’t have shoes.”

“Got you covered, lieutenant.” He held up the pair he’d brought back from her apartment. She took them gratefully, thankful he thought of them, and slipped them on. “Now let’s go get your boy.”

The drive to New Jersey where Lucy’s mom lived wasn’t far, once they got out of the city. While they sat in traffic, Olivia was thinking where this was going with her and the ADA. They’d known each other for five years and she considered him her best friend. Now he was her lover as well. She sighed. Deeper and louder than she intended. 

“Something wrong?” The car wasn’t moving, so he turned his head to look at her. She shook hers.

“No. Not really.” She turned in her seat so she could look at him. “Last night was amazing, Rafael.” He raised his eyebrows. “Dinner, dancing -- no one has ever sang to me before. You have a beautiful voice. And later……” Her voice drifted off, as she thought about his lovemaking. Then she cleared her throat. “Anyway, I just….I want….I need you to understand….that I’m a package deal. You get me, you get Noah too.”

“Olivia.  _ Mi amor. _ ” Barba reached over and ran the back of his hand down her cheek, then took one of her hands in his. “I knew the day you decided to adopt Noah that you were a package deal. And I want the whole Benson package. If that’s what you want.”

“It is, Rafael. It is.” Her eyes sparkled with a happiness she hadn’t felt in a long time. Ed Tucker hadn’t made her this happy, neither had Brian Cassidy. But Rafael Barba. He made her happy. A part of her had known that for years. Maybe it was fear of rejection and disappointment, especially once she had Noah to consider, that had kept her from acknowledging her feelings. 

When they arrived at Lucy’s mother’s, Barba stayed at the car while Olivia went to get Noah. His limited experience with children made him reticent about interacting with him. A few minutes later, they came walking outside. Noah held his mother’s hand with one of his and his small backpack with his other. When they reached the car, Olivia said, “Noah, you remember Mr. Barba, don’t you? He came with me to pick you up. Can you say hello?”

The boy looked up at him shyly. “Hi.”

Feeling equally shy, Barba crouched down to put them on eye level with each other. “Hi,  _ amigo _ . Did you have a good time?”

That must have been the right question to ask, because Noah began to chatter animatedly about all the things he had done over the last day as he climbed into the car and was secured into his car seat by Olivia. Barba watched carefully as she fastened the buckles and clips and thought about how he hadn’t even worn a seatbelt until he got his driver’s license. Noah kept up his commentary on his overnight visit the entire ride back to the city. 

“Does he always talk this much?” Barba murmured to Olivia with a chuckle. She shook her head.

“Not usually. At least not around people he doesn’t feel comfortable around. He must like you.” Rafael felt a swell of pleasure in his chest at the thought. While he wasn’t experienced with children, he knew that if this relationship with Olivia was going to succeed, Noah needed to be happy about it as well.

When they arrived back at Noah and Olivia’s place, he found a parking spot and carried Noah’s car seat up to the apartment for her. Noah dashed off to reacquaint himself with his Lego’s and the two adults stood looking at each other in moment of slightly awkward silence.

“So, what are your plans for the rest of the weekend?” she asked finally, stowing the car seat away in a closet.

“Today, not much. Tomorrow I have a standing brunch date with my mother. What about you?” He put his hands into his jeans pockets and leaned against her breakfast bar.

“Saturdays are usually laundry day for us. Sometimes grocery shopping,” she replied and Rafael had a mental image of them folding laundry together and pushing a cart through the grocery store.

As he looked at the woman before him and the child on the floor surrounded by colorful plastic bricks, the middle aged attorney realized with blinding clarity that what he thought was the perfect life was no longer something he wanted. His professional life was great -- he put away bad guys and got justice for the victims. Personally, until that very moment he had been happy with an existence that centered around takeout, restaurants, grocery deliveries, laundry services and coming home to an empty apartment that was quiet and tidy. Now he wanted to open the door and be greeted by a smiling face and a bit of chaos. He wanted to do mundane chores like laundry and food shopping. He wanted to wake up with his arms around a warm body instead of next to a cold mattress. And he wanted all those things with Olivia Benson.

Pulling his hands from his pockets, he reached out and grasped her hands to tug her closer to him and put his hands on her hips. She placed both of hers flat on his chest, happy to be touching him again and feeling her pulse speed up in response.

“Liv,” he began, but was interrupted by the feel of her phone vibrating in her pocket.

“Hold that thought,” she placed a finger on his lips and pulled the phone out to answer call. “Benson. Hi, Fin. No, no. It’s okay.”

At the sound of her number one detective’s name, Rafael dropped his hands and stepped away, knowing it had to be work related. He walked over to where Noah was building and crouched down. He could relate to Lego’s, having had quite a collection of his own as child, although his preferred construction media at Noah’s age was Lincoln Logs.  _ I should get him some _ .

“What are you making?”

“A spaceship,” the boy replied. “Do you want to build something?”

“Sure.” Barba settled cross legged onto the carpet and took the handful of bricks Noah handed him. He heard Olivia end her call and approach them, sitting on the edge of the couch. Looking up from his own project he said, “Work?”

“Yes. I’m not supposed to be on call this weekend, but Fin thought this was big enough he should let me know. Two college students were R-A-P-E-D at a frat party last night.” She spelled out the word. Noah didn’t need to learn that one just yet.

“Lovely,” he bit out. “Do you need to go in?”

“Fin said I didn’t need to -- “

“But you want to. Of course. Did you call Lucy?”

“I did. But because I told her I wasn’t on call this weekend and she knew we had a date and Noah was at her mom’s last night she made plans to go away for the weekend with friends. I can just take him with me and he can play on the Ipad.” She bit on her lip because she didn’t like taking Noah to the precinct while she worked unless it was absolutely necessary.

Ignoring the little voice in his head whispering  _ What the hell are you thinking? _ Barba said, “I can stay with him.”

Noah hadn’t picked up his head from his project but clearly heard the entire conversation, because he piped up, “Mr. Barba and I are building, Momma. Can he watch me, please?”

“Are you sure, Rafael?” She was touched that he volunteered, but also knew he wasn’t exactly comfortable around children.

Again ignoring the little voice in his head, he nodded. “Yes.” He put a hand on Noah’s dark curls. “You don’t wear diapers anymore, right,  _ amigo _ ?”

The boy rolled his eyes in such a perfect imitation of his mother that Barba almost laughed out loud. “No,” he said with disdain.

“Then it’s all good.” He stood up from the carpet, a little slower than he expected, his knees protesting slightly and took her hands in his. “Go, Liv. We’ll be fine.”

“Okay then.” She stood from the couch and nodded. “I won’t be too long. A couple hours. I just want to take the girls’ statements and talk to them. Be good for Rafael, my sweet boy.” Olivia kissed the top of his head.

“I will, Momma.” His concentration was once again on his Lego project.

Barba walked her to the door, wanting to kiss her goodbye, but not in front of Noah. Not yet. She opened the door and stepped into the hallway. Then she grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him through the frame, the door obscuring them from her son. She pressed her lips to his in a gentle kiss and looked at him with eyes blazing with an emotion he wasn’t sure how to read.

“Thank you, Rafael,” she said softly. Then he kissed her. Harder this time. But quickly.

“You’re welcome,  _ mi amor _ .”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv goes to work and Barba and Noah hang out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter. They say write what you know. I know kids. And just for some more fun, I threw in some Rollisi at the end. The dish Barba makes I got from my Cuban-by-marriage sister. She said she makes it frequently. It seemed rather child-friendly.
> 
> Oh, and in case you wondered about his possible overuse of the phrase 'mi amor' (I did at first), that's what I call my husband -- in English -- and realized I say it A LOT, so it has translated into this and I like it.
> 
> Disclaimer: only the plot is mine. The wonderful characters belong to NBC and Dick Wolf.

Barba watched the woman he needed to spend the rest of his life with enter the elevator then stepped back into the apartment, closing the door behind him. He glanced at Noah on the floor and almost listened to that little voice in his head saying run after Olivia and ask her to take Noah with her before telling it to shut up. _You face down serial rapists and murderers in the courtroom. You can handle a five year old._

“Mr. Barba? I’m hungry.” Noah had completed his spaceship or tired of working on it and come over to where he was still standing by the door. At glance at his watch told him it was past what was probably the boy’s lunch time.

“How about some lunch? What do you like?” He walked into the kitchen while the child clambered up onto one of the stools at the bar.

“Peanut butter,” Noah declared. “Please,” he added as if his mother’s prompting rang in his ears.

“Peanut butter it is. You’ll have to tell me where your mom keeps things in the kitchen.”

Noah pointed out where the bread, plates, peanut butter and silverware was located and Barba set to work making the requested sandwich. Spreading peanut butter on the store bought bread, he reminded himself to bring over some of the homemade loaves from his mother. He cut the crust off and then cut it into four triangles. He put the plate before the child, who grinned at seeing the crust off. His mom usually made him eat them. Then the man realized he should give him something other than just the sandwich. _Milk. Milk goes with peanut butter._ He opened the refrigerator to get the milk and saw a bowl of grapes and took them out as well. Pouring a glass of milk for the child, he pushed it and the fruit toward him, taking one himself and popping it into his mouth.

“Are you going to have lunch too?” Rafael couldn’t remember the last time he had a peanut butter sandwich. Mentally shrugging, he fixed himself a sandwich and poured another glass of milk. Walking around the side of the bar where Noah sat, he slid onto the stool beside him. The sandwich was half gone and there was peanut butter on either sides of his mouth. Barba reached for the basket of napkins at the end of the bar. There was a sheet of paper on top of them. He took out the paper and then handed Noah a napkin.

“Wipe your face, _amigo_ ,” he said and glanced at the paper. A list of groceries filled most of the sheet composed in Olivia’s scrawling penmanship. He shook his head. He loved that woman but her handwriting left a little to be desired. As he read through the list an idea formed in his head: he and Noah would go grocery shopping while she was at the precinct. Barba took a bite of his sandwich and grimaced. There was a reason why he hadn’t eaten a peanut butter sandwich in years. Putting it back on the plate, he took a drink from his glass to wash it down.

“Noah, how about we do something nice for your _mami_? We’ll go get the groceries she has on this list,” he said to the boy, whose face wiping efforts had only succeeded in smearing the peanut butter further around on his face.

“Sure. Can we get a race car cart?”

Not knowing what that was, Barba agreed. After cleaning the boy’s face more effectively with a wet cloth and a quick call to his own mother to ask where the best place was to go for groceries, the two left the apartment. The store his mother recommended wasn’t far and the weather was fair, so he decided they would walk. Making sure his car was still safely parked without a ticket, they headed down the sidewalk.

“Where are we going? Mommy and I always drive to the store,” said Noah.

“Oh. Well, I don’t know which store you go to, so we’re going to a different one today,” he told the boy.

“Will they have race car carts?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never been to this store either,” he said.

“Okay.” They had reached a corner, and the boy slipped his small hand into Rafael’s much larger one before they crossed on the signal as if he had always been doing it and kept it there as they continued to walk

To Noah’s disappointment, their destination did not have race car carts -- something that remained a mystery to Barba -- but the boy was appeased with the promise of being allowed to choose a treat. The two made their way around the store, finding the items on Olivia’s list, her son helping identify brands that he recognized. Barba also added some ingredients to the cart so he could make dinner for them. They were just about done when they rounded a corner and encountered the bakery with rows and rows of freshly baked cookies. The five year old’s eyes grew wide. The lawyer grinned himself, seeing a few of his favorites in the vast selection.

“Can this be the treat I choose?” Noah asked.

“Absolutely, _amigo_. What’s your favorite?”

“Chocolate chip!”

They ended up with more than he knew would be approved when Olivia saw them, but Rafael decided he could spoil the boy just a little with some extra cookies. Besides, he planned on taking some of them home with him. Once they got to the checkout, Barba realized he hadn’t thought out the getting the groceries home process when he decided to walk. Fortunately, the store offered a delivery service. He gave them Liv’s address and he and Noah set out for home, opting to take the cookies with them to sample on the way.

Once the groceries were delivered and put away the best the duo could, Rafael placed another call to his mother, Lucia, to make sure he remembered the recipe he wanted to make. It was one she’d made frequently when he was a child, and he hoped Noah would like it. Jotting down a few notes, he hung up and immediately the phone vibrated with an incoming call. _Benson_ , the screen read. He answered before the first ring faded.

“Liv, how’s it going there?”

“Hi. Hang on a second.” He heard her walking and then a door closing. “Okay, sorry, I wanted to close my door. I didn’t tell anyone you’re with Noah.”

“I get it,” he replied, and she couldn’t tell from his tone if he did or was just telling her that. But now wasn’t the time for that conversation.

“How are you two boys doing?” she asked.

“We’re doing just fine,” he replied, looking at Noah who was watching a cartoon on the television, and at his ingredients set out on the counter for dinner.

“Good. Thank you again for staying with him, Rafael. I shouldn’t be much longer.”

“You can thank me properly when you get home,” he said in a low voice. She chuckled and then he heard someone in the background say, ‘Lieutenant’. “I’ll let you go, _mi amor_. See you soon.”

“All right. ‘Bye.”

He ended the call and said to Noah, “That was your mom. She should be home soon.”

“Okay.” The boy didn’t look away from the screen and the man wondered how much television he was allowed to watch.

“When that’s over, why don’t you come out here and watch me cook dinner? I might need your help telling me where to find things again. Can you do that?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Don’t say ‘uh-huh’, Noah. Say yes. Or you could say, ‘si’,” Barba counseled. The foreign word caught the boy’s attention. He turned to look at the man in the kitchen.

“What is ‘see’?”

“Not ‘see’ like you see something. _Si_ is how you say yes in Spanish.”

“Oh! My mom knows Spanish,” said Noah. “Do you know Spanish too?”

“ _Si._ I do. I’m bilingual. That’s a big word that means I can talk and read in both English and Spanish.” The cartoon ended and Barba pressed the remote to turn off the television. “Why don’t you come sit in your seat and we’ll start dinner?”

The boy climbed up in the tall chair and asked, “Who do you talk Spanish to? My mom?”

“Sometimes.” The ADA thought about their date the night before and smiled. “But mostly I used to talk to my _Abuela_ , my grandmother. She’s who taught me Spanish.”

“Do you still?” the boy wanted to know, biting a grape from the bowl that was still on the bar.

“No. She died.”

“Oh.”

Deciding that was enough of that conversation, Rafael changed the subject to ask where the pots and pans were kept. Soon, he had meat browning and rice simmering on the stove. _Liv needs an electric rice cooker._ When it came time to add more ingredients, he showed Noah how to measure them and let him do a few. He was holding him and helping him carefully stir when they heard Olivia’s voice.

“Something smells wonderful!” she said rounding the corner into the small kitchen. She stopped at the sight of her son in Barba’s arms, and a wave of emotion hit her. _He looks like he belongs here._

“Mommy, we made picka —“ he struggled with the word and looked at Rafael for help.

“ _Piccadillo, amigo.”_  He lowered the boy to the floor.

“Picka-dee-oh.” Noah tried again and earned a big smile from both his mother and Rafael.

“You did, sweet boy? I’m sure it will be very good. “ She pulled her son into a hug and held him tightly. _This made her world right again after everything she’d been dealing with at the precinct._ When he finally squirmed to be released she did, putting a kiss on top of his curly head.

“Noah, why don’t you go wash you hands and we’ll see what your mom thinks of our cooking?” Barba suggested.

“Okay.” The boy scampered down the hall to the bathroom. When he was out of sight, the best friends turned lovers exchanged a chaste but lingering kiss. She rested her forehead against his. _This is what she wanted to come home to every night._

“You didn’t have to make dinner, Rafael.”

“I know. I wanted to.” He ran his hands up her arms and rested them on her shoulders, his green eyes looking into her dark brown ones. “You didn’t need to come home and need to cook. I’m sure you do that enough.”

They put some distance between them as they heard Noah’s feet approaching, and Rafael opened a cabinet to get out plates, making Olivia smile.

“I see you’ve learned your way around my kitchen, counselor.”

“All with Noah’s help,” he replied, handing the child forks to put beside the plates he put on the counter for the three of them. “Why don’t you get cleaned up while I dish up dinner?”

Benson walked the short distance to her bedroom, traded her jeans for leggings, pulled up her hair in a loose ponytail and washed her hands. When she returned to the kitchen, Noah was seated at the counter. Barba handed her a glass of wine, and gestured for her to sit as well, then took his place on the other side of the boy.

“This is something my mother used to make when I was Noah’s age, because it’s made with ground beef and not as spicy as other Cuban dishes,” he told her, as she picked up her fork and took a bite with the rice and beans that were also on her plate.

“Raf, this is delicious!” she exclaimed, then shook her head ruefully. “I could get used to you cooking for us. Thank you.”

“My pleasure, _mi amor,”_ their eyes met over Noah’s head, who was eating his own dinner with gusto.

“That’s Spanish, isn’t it?” the child piped up. “Momma, Mr. Barba knows Spanish like you do.”

“I know he does, sweetie,” she said, hoping he wasn’t going to ask what it meant. “And yes it is.”

When dinner was over, Rafael topped off Noah’s milk, made coffee for the two adults and brought out a plate of cookies. “Don’t tell me you made these too!” she exclaimed.

“I told you I don’t bake,” he scoffed.

“We got these at the store today, Mommy. When we went shopping for the things on your list,” Noah explained, dunking his cookie into his glass of milk.

“My list? You went grocery shopping for me, Barba?” Olivia said incredulously.

“We did,” Noah answered first. “But the store we went to didn’t have race car carts.” The boy was fishing around in his milk for a bit of cookie that had broken off. He got it, put it in his mouth, and sucked the milk from his fingers. His mother took his hand and wiped it off, and the milk that dripped down his chin.

“I think you’re done with that cookie, sweet boy. Time for a tub.”

“Can Mr. Barba give me my bath?” Rafael looked a bit panicked.

“He needs to clean up the dinner dishes. Maybe another time,” she said and he shot her a grateful glance.

While she bathed Noah, he cleaned up and stored the leftovers in her refrigerator. Then he was summoned to the boy’s room to read a book. The three of them sat on the bed, the adults on either side of the child while he read a Dr. Seuss book, and tripped over his tongue, much to the boy’s delight. If someone had taken a photograph of the moment and shown it to a stranger, they’d have said the three were a family.

Once Noah was tucked in, the two adults returned to the living room where Barba refreshed their cups of coffee. Handing Olivia hers, he said, “Let’s sit.” When they were both seated on the couch, she chuckled. “What?”

“I was just thinking this couch is where it all started.” She put her cup on the coffee table and moved onto his lap, facing him like she had that night. He smirked at her, and put his hands on her hips, pulling her closer.

“I believe you’re correct, Lieutenant.”

She carded her fingers through his hair and replied, “And I believe I owe you a thank you for watching Noah today. Not to mention grocery shopping and making dinner. Grocery shopping, Rafael! Really?”

“The list was right there and you had to go to work,” he shrugged, tucking a strand of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear. “But what the hell is a race car cart?”

She laughed and explained about the shopping carts that were designed to look like race cars and had a separate place for children to sit. She also said she and Noah usually left the city to shop; the things he’d told Barba now making more sense. He gazed at her face, enjoying watching her laugh. Suddenly, he took her face in both hands and kissed her. Gently at first, but with increasing passion. She wound her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Finally, they had to come up for air. Olivia rested her head on his shoulder and sighed happily.

“Can you stay tonight?”

“I don’t think I should,” he said regretfully, rubbing her back. “Noah and I had a great time today, but I don’t want to force myself into his life. I also have a brunch date with my mother tomorrow. She goes to early Mass, so it’s actually more like breakfast than brunch, but she likes to call it that.”

“Are you going to tell her about us?” she asked, picking up her head to look at him. He bit his lip, looking quite adorable she thought.

“I would love to, _mi amor,_ ” he paused.

“But?” she prompted.

“But I’m not sure what to tell her. I’m not sure what we are.”

Olivia climbed off his lap and stepped away from him, trying to understand what he was saying. “What do you mean, you’re not sure what we are, Rafael? You’re my best friend. You’ve been my best friend for years. Just because we slept together, that hasn’t changed, has it?”

“No, no.” He stood too. After years in the courtroom, he thought better on his feet.

“Then what?”

Pacing across the room he turned back to face her. “My mother knows who you are. About our professional relationship. She also, ah, knows that I -- “

“You what?” The man who was so eloquent before a jury was struggling for words. She was getting frustrated and angry at his inability to explain himself and was trying to keep her voice down so as not to wake Noah. “What?!” She threw her hands up in the air.

“That I love you, Olivia.” He spoke quietly. His green eyes gazed at her intensely and now the words flowed. “I think I’ve loved you for years. But you were with Cassidy and then Tucker, and so I resigned myself to just being your best friend. Because it meant I was able to be near you. Even when it broke my heart to see you with them.” He took a ragged breath and ran his hands through his hair making it adorably disheveled. “Listen, I know this has all happened quickly and I don’t expect you --”

“Stop talking, Rafael.” She quickly closed the distance between them and put a hand to his face. “Just stop talking and kiss me. Because I love you too.”

He pulled her into a tight embrace and did as she requested. This kiss wasn’t one fueled by physical passion, but by love, and the intensity brought tears to her eyes. He tasted the saltiness and pulled his lips from hers, kissing away the tears on her cheeks. Barba pulled her to sit with him on the couch and wrapped his arms around her.

They sat that way for a while, without speaking, and Olivia could feel herself relaxing and getting sleepy. She wanted nothing more than to spend another night in his arms, but he was right about it being too soon for Noah to wake up to him here.

“Rafael, you should go. Otherwise I won’t be able to let you.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek and he tightened his arms around her then reluctantly released her from his embrace. She stood and slipped an arm around his waist as they walked to her apartment door.

“I call you after brunch tomorrow,” he promised, kissing her temple.

“No you don’t,” she teased. “I need a better good night kiss than that.” Before she could finish the word, he had captured her lips in a searing kiss that took her breath away.

“Better?”

“Much. Good night, Rafael,” she said softly.

“Good night, _mi amor.”_

 

After Barba left, Olivia picked up her phone to call Amanda Rollins. Since Jessie was born, the two women had become close, especially since Olivia had no family and Rollins none that mattered to her. They deliberately kept their friendship out of the office since Benson was her superior. But they’d had their share of girl talk over the last couple of years. For instance, only Olivia knew how much time Dominick “Sonny” Carisi actually spent at Amanda’s apartment. She’d told her friend that as long as it didn’t affect their work, she would look the other way. Now it was her turn to share; girl to girl. She needed to tell someone about her and Barba. She felt like a giddy teenager.

“Hello?”

“Amanda, hi.” She sat down on the couch, and curled her legs beneath her.

“Hey, Liv, how are you?” After years in New York, the blonde from Georgia still retained some of her drawl.

“I’m good. Really good, in fact. That’s why I’m calling. I need some girl talk time.” She picked up a pillow and hugged it to her chest.

“You don’t say? What you want to talk about wouldn’t have anything to do with one suspender-wearing ADA, would it?” At her end of the call, Olivia blushed.

“As a matter of fact —“ A quiet squeal in her ear cut her off.

“I knew it! Oh my God, Liv, the other day in the squad room I told Carisi the temperature went up ten degrees when the two of you walked by.”

“Amanda, you didn’t! Please. Don’t say anything else to Carisi about this. No one knows. It just, well it just happened over the last few days.”

“I won’t. I promise. He didn’t believe me anyway. Listen, he’s in the other room right now, but he’s bound to come back eventually, so you’re going to have to do all the talking.”

“Like you could keep your mouth shut, Amanda,” Olivia teased her friend. “Especially when I tell you about our date last night. And how he sang to me.” She knew if she looked in the mirror, there would be a big smile on her face.

“Wait, what? Sang? No, this requires face to face conversation. How about a play date tomorrow?” Rollins suggested. While Carisi liked to tag along to the park, he knew that she and their lieutenant liked to have some time when they were just moms out with their kids. She knew he would stay home if she asked.

“Well, if you had let me get a word in, that’s what I was calling to ask you to begin with. There’s too much to tell you on the phone. Especially if Carisi is there. Do you want to meet at the park?”

“Sure. Around 11:00?”

“Noah and I will see you there.”

“Okay. I can’t wait to hear everything! See you tomorrow.”

“‘Night, Amanda.” said Olivia ending the call.

Rollins walked into the bedroom to find Carisi in bed reading a law journal. “Hey! You can’t have all the pillows!” She reached out and pulled one from beneath his head, breaking his concentration.

“Was that the lieutenant on the phone?” Despite his often times goofy demeanor, Carisi hadn’t made detective on his good looks.

“Yeah, we’re going to have some mom time tomorrow. Take the kids to the park,” she said, walking into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

“Okay. You mind if I leave the light on for a while to finish this?” he asked when she returned having adjusted his pillows, reopening the book to where he’d left off.

“Nope.” Amanda climbed into bed, kissed him goodnight and settled down, her back up against his side. He reached over and rested one hand on her hip, as he continued to read.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brunch with Lucia. Enough said.
> 
> Rated for all readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short, but I just had to give Lucia her own chapter!
> 
> More girl talk with Amanda and Liv next chapter.
> 
> Many thanks to NBC and Dick Wolf for creating such wonderful characters. Only the plot is mine.
> 
> Additional note 12/12/17: I realized my continuity was off because earlier Rafael told Olivia his mother knew he loved her, but then the conversation at brunch made it seem like this was a surprise to Lucia. So I changed the one sentence. Made me feel much better. : )

Rafael Barba pulled open the heavy wooden door of the church and stepped inside. It closed behind him and he was enveloped in silence. He inhaled and savored the ever present subtle aroma of incense and burning candles. Whatever philosophical differences he had with the Catholic Church, those smells never failed to evoke a sense of peace in him.

He spotted his mother right away, kneeling in a pew reciting the rosary before Mass. Lucia Barba was a liberated, modern woman the other six days of the week, but Sundays at church she was old school with a lace mantilla on her head. Walking forward he genuflected, blessed himself and slipped into the pew beside her. She turned her head at the movement and smiled widely in surprise.

“Rafi!” she whispered. “ _Mi hijo!_ What are you doing here?”

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “ _Hola, mami._ I thought I’d join you this morning.”

Lucia gave him a hug in return, always glad to see her son attend Mass but wondered why he was there. She waited until they had exited the church afterward to pose that question. As they walked arm in arm down the street to where they usually met for their weekly date she asked the again.

“So why did you really come to church today, Rafi? It’s been -- well, I won’t embarrass you by telling you how long it’s been since you last went to Mass with me. And I assume you aren’t going on your own.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You keep track?”

Lucia ignored that and pressed on. “You’re avoiding the question.”

Fortunately for Rafael they had arrived at the restaurant and he was given a reprieve while they went inside, were seated and presented with steaming cups of coffee. He avoided making eye contact with his mother while he added cream and sugar to his cup, stirring slowly. When he finally looked up, the kind brown eyes he had looked into from infancy, so much like the eyes of the other woman he loved, were watching him with patient curiosity.

He wasn’t about to share with his mother that part of what compelled him to go to church that morning was to seek a little heavenly guidance and assurance that what his heart was telling him was true. He was too old to have it broken another time. Rafael had let go of a lot of the outward signs of his faith but he still believed God had a plan for him. He just wanted to make sure this was it. Taking a long drink of his coffee, and returning the cup to the table, he shook his head.

“Why I went doesn’t really matter, does it?” His mother shrugged, and sipped from her own cup.

“I suppose not. But I can tell there’s something you do want to tell me, Rafi. A mother knows these things.”

“If you know so much, why do you have to ask?” he teased, leaning back in his chair.

“ _Sabelotodo_ \-- smart mouth!”

“Sorry.”

“Is it about a girl?” Lucia asked.

 _Here we go._ He took another mouthful of coffee. “Yes, but girl is the last word I would use to describe Olivia.” The use of her name immediately caught his mother’s attention.

“Olivia? Olivia Benson? That lovely police detective you’ve been in love with for years?”

“She’s a lieutenant, but yes.”

Lucia Barba clasped her hands together, her eyes twinkling. “Oh, Rafi, I knew she was something special when you told me how she drives you a little crazy. Tell me everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to get this finalized because as a cradle Catholic, I don’t agree with everything my faith expects me to, and I believe Barba has those same issues, so I wanted to get the words just right. 
> 
> As always, my apologies if the Spanish is trash. All I did was plug ‘smart mouth’ into Google Translate and that’s what it gave me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Girl talk with Liv and Amanda at the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler chapter. But sometimes those are necessary. But I also wanted to share some of the things Olivia is thinking. 
> 
> Not sure when the next update will be, because my head is filled with Barson-y Christmas Goodness right now. Remember, when you read those things, they take place after all this has happened. It's all one world in my head.

Across town at their favorite park with the long curling slide and a baby swing for Jessie that was low enough Noah could help push her, Amanda Rollins was saying the same thing, “Tell me everything.”

The two women were seated on a bench, Jessie still in her stroller watching Noah climb and slide as he called, “Jessie! Watch me!” She clapped her hands happily when he appeared at the end of the slide.

Olivia cradled a cup of coffee from the nearby stand in her hands, her expression thoughtful.

“I’m not sure where to start.”

“How about what happened that made you two look like you wanted to rip each other’s clothes off in the squad room last week,” the blonde detective prompted.

“Was it that obvious?” Olivia asked, a blush creeping up her neck. Rollins raised her eyebrows and tipped her head in the way she had that said, _You think?_

The older woman told her friend about Barba coming to her office and asking if she was angry or disenchanted with him and how instead of getting a drink they ended up eating pizza  -- and making out -- at her place.

“Then I yawned! I couldn’t believe I yawned. But I really was tired. It was a bitch of a week.” Amanda nodded. She’d been there. “We both really wanted to, but….”

“It wasn’t the right moment,” Rollins finished for her.

“Exactly. So we were both a little, um, keyed up when we saw each other the next day,” Olivia chuckled. “He asked me when he could see me again, but I really needed a night with Noah. I hadn’t spent much time with him last week. But he was already going to Lucy’s mom’s Friday night, so we made plans for dinner.”

“That’s why you took the day off!”

Benson nodded, sipping her coffee. “Hey, it’s been awhile since I was on a real date. I bought a new dress, got my nails done…”

“Broke out a new razor to shave your legs…” Rollins added and the two women burst out laughing, knowing it was true. When their laughter faded, she asked, “Where did he take you? A karaoke bar? You said something about singing.”

“A karaoke bar?” Benson laughed again and shook her head. “No. Although that might be interesting.”

She told Amanda about the restaurant, the dancing and how Rafael had sung to her in Spanish.

“Spanish? God, if Sonny sang to me in Italian I don’t know if I’d melt or want to tear his clothes off. Probably both.” Amanda grinned.

“Yeah, well that was when we left and went back to his place.” Olivia smiled.

Back across town, the topic of the women’s conversation had finished brunch with his mother and given her all the answers he was going to about his blossoming relationship that she insisted she had known was going to happen all along. They parted ways outside the restaurant and he suddenly felt at loose ends. He didn’t want to go back to his apartment alone and for once really didn’t feel like doing any work. He wondered at what park Olivia and Noah had met Rollins and her daughter. Once he’d gotten home the night before, they’d exchanged good night texts and she told him their plans for today. He considered calling her, but decided he’d rather make it a surprise. _But how to find them?_

Fin, he decided. Odefin Tutola always knew more than people realized. A quick call to him didn’t give him the park, but it gave him someone who would know its location: Carisi. Fin knew about Rollins and Carisi, but he didn’t share that with the ADA. He simply said that Carisi would know which park the ladies frequented. Another call and Barba had the location of the park and made his way to the designated playground. Fortunately, Carisi didn’t ask why he wanted to know. He hoped the detective thought it was work-related.

Meanwhile, Jessie had gotten tired of being in the stroller and was fussing to get out so they walked to the swings, where Noah had been playing.

“Want to push Jessie on the swing?” Amanda asked as she put her daughter in the seat.

“Sure. Hold on, Jessie!” The little boy gave her a gentle push, making her giggle.

As Barba approached he could see Noah pushing Jessie in a swing while the mothers looked on, smiling.

“Okay, so you went back to his place. I don’t need any details about that, thanks.” She winked at her friend.

“Good, because I wasn’t going to give you any. I will tell you he makes an amazing omelette, though.”

“He cooks? I didn’t picture that at all.”

“Oh, not only can he cook breakfast, he made dinner last night when he stayed with Noah while I came into the precinct,” Olivia told her. “And he took Noah and did my grocery shopping!”

“If you tell me he did your laundry, you’d better marry him!” Amanda exclaimed.

“Marry who?” said a voice behind them. The women turned around, surprised to see the subject of their conversation.

“Hi, counselor,” Rollins said, abashed that he’d overheard her.

“Detective.” Barba nodded, with a glint in his eye that said he knew exactly what they were talking about. “Nice to see you.”

“What are you doing here?” asked Olivia, happy to see him. “I thought you were having brunch with your mother?”

“I was.” He glanced at Amanda and gave Benson a questioning look. Olivia nodded briefly and he put an arm around her waist, tilting his head to kiss her. She leaned into him, enjoying the feel of his lips on hers.

“How did you know where we were?” she asked when the kiss ended. “And why are you here?”

“I have my sources,” he replied cryptically

Rollins was trying not to pay attention to them, but their happiness at being together was palpable. Finally she said, “Hey, y’all. It’s Jessie’s nap time, so we are going to go.” She picked her daughter up out of the swing. “Thanks for pushing her, Noah.”

“You’re welcome, Miss ‘Manda.” The boy turned to Rafael. “Mr. Barba, will you push me now?”

“Sure.” He followed Noah to the next swingset over where there were more standard swings.

As Rollins strapped Jessie back into her stroller, Olivia said, “Amanda, I know I don’t need to say this, but --”

“I know, Liv. Don’t mention this new development in your love life at work, right? And I won’t say anything to Sonny, either. Not until you do.”

“Thanks. This is just so --” she reached for the right word.

“Mindblowing?” Rollins said with raised eyebrows.

“I was going to say new,” Olivia finished with a mock frown.

"Don't worry, Lieutenant. Your secret's safe with me." 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael and Olivia have The Talk: about disclosing their new relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, gentle readers! Welcome to 2018!
> 
> My apologies for taking so long for an update. I've boarded a new ship and was busy with a new multi chapter WIP that was requested by Trinkisme. If you're a Harry Potter fan, check out More Than Once In A Lifetime.
> 
> In this chapter, the weekend is over and it's back to reality for our favorite couple and time to decide if they are going to disclose their relationship. It's a quite the serious chapter, but no real angst. After thinking about all the other things I've written that take place in this little Barson world about how they try and keep their relationship secret, I decided it was important enough to be addressed specifically.
> 
> As always, these lovely people belong to Dick Wolf and NBC, I just play with them.

Monday morning came and Olivia wondered if she would be able to keep her and Barba’s new relationship a secret. She felt if she looked at him, it would be written all over her face. Fortunately, he had court early that day and she was busy with the case that they’d caught over the weekend.

Late-morning, though, her phone vibrated with a text notification from him. She smiled.

_-Still in court. I should be able to manage a late lunch. Can you?_

She quickly typed a reply.

_-I can. Where?_

His reply took a moment, as if he was thinking.

_-Meet me at Bethesda Fountain in the park. I’ll bring lunch. Gotta go. I’ll text you when I get out._

Olivia put her phone down, still smiling, and returned to the reports on the witness interviews. A few hours later her phone vibrated again.

_-Finally done. Are we still on for lunch?_

_-Yes. I’ll see you there._

Rafael deliberately chose the location in Central Park because it was within walking distance but far enough from both offices that chances were slim they would encounter anyone they knew. Of course the size of the park alone was enough for that, but you could never tell. For the two of them to maintain a relationship was going to be a delicate balancing act. The thought of how to manage it had actually kept him awake the night before. He wasn’t stupid. He’d heard gossip about people in the DA’s office and NYPD that tried to date within their departments and between them without disclosing and how it ruined careers or relationships. He’d also heard rumors about Olivia’s relationship with a previous ADA. He was certain of his love for Olivia and knew she loved him in return. They weren’t going to be rushing into anything like moving in together or getting married. But he could definitely see both of those things happening someday.

As she walked through the park to their meeting place, Olivia reflected on the past few days. On one hand everything had moved so quickly. It had been a very long time since she had gone to bed with someone that quickly. Alternatively, one could argue they’d been in a relationship for years and had finally just taken the next step. When she looked back she could now see there was something between them all along. They started as colleagues who became friends and then best friends. Rafael became her sounding board. And she his. They were able to tell each other anything. Then she almost destroyed that friendship.

She had seen it in Rafael’s eyes that day in his office when he put the pieces together as she defended Ed Tucker. At the time she told herself it was just professional anger. Because of the case. _You just didn’t want to admit that he might have had feelings for you. It was easier to choose someone who wasn’t right for you because you didn’t think you deserved anyone better. Do you deserve him now?_

Deep in contemplation, Olivia nearly walked right past Rafael who was leaning against the base of the fountain. He’d seen her approaching, hands in the pockets of her blazer, lips moving slightly as if she was talking to herself. He wondered what she was thinking.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said quietly, when she was within arm’s reach. She stopped and swung her head toward his voice, noticing him for the first time.

“Hey. Sorry, I was thinking.” She stepped closer, leaned in to kiss him and her world seemed to re-center itself in his presence. His hand moved to rest on her hip, inside her jacket and he returned the kiss.

“I could tell.” He smirked. “Talking to yourself, too.”

“Like you never,” she teased. “What’s for lunch?”

“Sandwiches.” He slid his hand to her other hip so his arm was around her waist. “There’re some benches over there. Let’s sit.”

As they ate, they shared details of their morning. Olivia told him that they’d likely be making an arrest soon in the fraternity party rape case. Then he decided to just take the bull by the horns and bring up what had kept him awake until the small hours of the morning.

So I was thinking. All night actually,” he began, his tone grave enough that she looked at him with mild concern.

“This sounds serious, Rafael.”

“It is. I’ve heard so many horror stories about people in my office and NYPD who tried to have relationships. I wondered if you’d thought about what we should do.”

“You mean disclose.”

“Yes.” He took her hand. “I know that’s what we’re supposed to do; expected to do. We’re not a paralegal and a beat cop. Given who we are and what we do, I feel if we disclose right away it will turn into a front page story. I don’t want that. I want this to be between us.”

“But what happens if they find out? We could lose our jobs. At best, both get transferred to different divisions. I thought you wanted to be DA someday?”

Olivia didn’t want him to abandon his dreams just because of her. She was finally where she’d always wanted to be professionally. The next step was captain, but she’d be happy if she never reached that. She didn’t know what he wanted for his career. Of all the many things they’d talked about that was one they hadn’t.

He shrugged. “Maybe I did. Maybe part of me still does. But being with you is more important to me than climbing the legal ladder. I could be happy retiring from right where I am in 20 years.”

She could see this was important to him and for both of them and required more discussion than they had over a lunch break.

“We need to talk about this more. But right now I need to get back. You probably do too.”

A glance at his watch told him she was right. “Agreed. Dinner?”

“It’s meatloaf night.” Olivia told him.

“I’ll bring dessert to make up for that.” He grinned at her, earning him a playful shove as they stood from the bench. They walked arm in arm back to the fountain where they parted to return to their respective offices.

“I’ll see you later, _mi amor.”_

“Definitely.”

Olivia’s thoughts kept going back to their conversation throughout the rest of the afternoon. She could understand what Rafael was saying but her experience with David Haden made her wary about not disclosing. She didn’t know if Rafael knew about her relationship with the EADA. That was one she thought could have actually been permanent. Then all hell broke loose and it was over. Just like that. Olivia had few regrets in her life, and David had been one of them. Until now.

That evening, Rafael appeared at her door with dessert as promised: chocolate chip cookies from the store where he’d taken Noah and ice cream to make ice cream sandwiches. The boy’s eyes went wide when he saw the treat and ate his vegetables without prompting and even carried his plate to the kitchen. Rafael volunteered to wash dishes while Olivia bathed Noah and got him tucked in.

While he was elbow deep in soapy water, he thought about what she’d said that afternoon. _Did he want to be District Attorney when Jack McCoy finally retired?_ Once upon a time that had been a goal. It was one of the reasons why he let Captain Steve Harris lure him over to SVU. Sex crimes were higher profile. Wins would have him in front of the press more often. Then he met Detective Olivia Benson and slowly all of that didn’t matter anymore.

“Your fingers are going to be all pruny,” she said, coming back into the kitchen, and he realized he’d been standing there with his hands in the dishwater, deep in thought. Pulling the plug to let the water out of the sink, he dried off with the towel she offered.

She took his hands in hers and ran her thumbs over the pads of his fingers that were now wrinkled from being submerged in the water. “What were you thinking about?”

“You. Me. Us.”

“Let’s go sit. I’ve been thinking too.”

They went to the couch and sat facing each other. He gestured at her. “Ladies first.”

“You said today you weren’t sure you wanted to disclose our relationship because you wanted to keep it private. I get that, Rafael, I do,” Olivia told him. “Did you know I was involved with another ADA?”

He inclined his head. “I’d heard things.”

“It was almost six years ago. Before you moved over to SVU. His name was David Haden.” She paused and closed her eyes for a moment. In her head she could see him. His dark hair and bright blue eyes. Charming smile. Opening her eyes she continued.

“There was an old case of mine that got re-opened. A rape suspect I put away for eight years was, um, he was innocent. Bayard Ellis was his attorney. He found out about David and I. Then David got a promotion to head a unit that was created by the DA to re-examine old cases. They were starting with sex crimes. Because of mine.”

She looked at Rafael who was watching her with his intent green gaze.

“We had never disclosed our relationship, but by then it was too late. David would have had to resign. I told him he couldn’t do that. Not for me. That was what he lived for.”

“So it ended,” he said.

“Yes.” She pressed her lips together. “As far as he was concerned, us….we...never happened.”

“Did you love him?” Rafael asked. She sighed, looking down at her lap.

“I thought I did.”

“Liv, look at me.” He put his hand under her chin and tipped her head up so he could look into her eyes.

“Years ago, that’s what I lived for as well. Me and my big brass ego, according to Captain Harris.” He offered her that half smile of his, and the edges of her mouth twitched briefly. “Then I met two SVU detectives. One was blonde with blue eyes. Like Cinderella with Scarlett O’Hara’s voice.” He smirked.

“The other one though. She took my breath away. Her dark eyes seemed to gaze into my soul every time she looked at me. As if she saw past my Harvard diploma, through my vest and suspenders to the real Rafael Barba beneath and liked what she saw nonetheless .

“As I got to know her, the things I lived for changed. The fame, the prestige -- it didn’t matter anymore. Finding the truth, getting justice, helping victims; those were more important. Because they were important to her. She made me a better attorney. A better person.”

He moved his fingers from beneath her chin to caress her cheek and Olivia leaned her head into his touch.

“Olivia, I love you and if you want disclose our relationship, I’ll do it tomorrow. If it means a move to a different division, I’ll do it because I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to ever think this never happened.”

“Oh, Rafael,” she whispered, and leaned forward to press her lips to his in a gentle kiss. He put his arms around her and pulled her close, deepening the kiss.

When it ended, she said, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I love you too.”

They adjusted their bodies so they were sitting more comfortably on the couch, his arms still around her. After a few minutes, she said, “We’ll wait. We’ll wait to disclose.”

“It won’t be easy, _mi amor_. Keeping my hands off of you when I come to your office,” he teased gently, neither of them knowing how true those words would be in the months ahead.

“But we can’t. No touching, no kissing. No talking about plans we have outside of work,” she added.

“Thank God for texting.” He pressed a kiss to her head where it lay against his shoulder. “But Rollins knows. So does Fin.”

“You told Fin?” she picked up her head to look at him in surprise.

“No,” he shook his head, chuckling. “He figured it out all by himself. That first day after the line up. He approached me by the elevators and said, and I quote, ‘ _I’ve known Liv for almost 20 years. Seen her hurt by a few bad dudes. Wouldn’t want to see that happen again.’”_

“That sounds like Fin,” she laughed, then continued. “Rollins won’t say anything. Not if she knows what’s good for her. And Carisi.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, if they can do it, being partners and working in the same office every day, then we can do it,” he declared. “What about Noah?”

“You’ve visited enough for work that I don’t think he’ll notice anything. Not right away, anyway. But I don’t think you should spend the night, unless you can be up and gone before he wakes. I may have to tell Lucy, though, so we can go out once in a while. Or maybe I can stay at your place again. I trust her not to say anything.”

“I’ll pay her double what you pay her,” Rafael joked. “And my mother?”

“Can we wait a little for that one?” Olivia grimaced slightly.

“Of course.” He kissed her. “Now that we’ve established all the ground rules, maybe we can do something more interesting?” He pressed her back against the cushions, kissing her again, while she hummed in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if I have any canon wrong about Olivia and David Haden. I did some research and I hope what I found was accurate. I liked her with him, but I'm glad now it didn't work out because I much prefer Barba.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia and Rafael fall into an enjoyable routine in their relationship, spending time with each other and Noah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, Enchanted readers and Barson fans! I didn't realize this hadn't been updated since January. My apologies for leaving it neglected so long but I wasn't sure where the plot was going. I've figured that out and we're back on track. Our story has now transitioned from where it began at the end of S18 to the beginning of S19. My hopes are to interweave canon with my head canon, including some bits of one-shots I've already posted relating to this past season, with the end game being a happily ever after for Olivia and Rafael; something that we all want.

Establishing ground rules was one thing, following them was another. Rafael was grateful for texting and unlimited phone plans, and he became expert at typing with his thumb, while holding coffee in his other hand. Their mornings began with a phone call, usually from Olivia to him since Noah was an early riser. He enjoyed listening to her husky voice while he lay in bed, eyes closed, wishing she was beside him instead of across town. Once they got to their respective offices, however, any phone calls between them remained strictly business. Since it wasn’t unusual for them before they began dating to frequently share a working lunch or a drink at the end of the day, they weren’t concerned about people seeing them do that; albeit perhaps a little more frequently.

It was the touching, or rather, not touching that was the hardest. Especially for Olivia. She realized now that the ones Rafael used to impart -- a hand on her back to allow her to precede him through a door, a touch on her arm to make a point or get her attention; even fingers brushing when exchanging a coffee cup -- kept her centered in times of stress or lightened her mood. Now that the touches were more deliberate and, outside of work more intimate, she found herself craving them and feeling disappointed when they sat in a meeting with her squad and she couldn’t reach over and touch his hand.

Weekends found the two of them doing things with Noah outside of the city where they were just Olivia and Rafael, not the lieutenant and the ADA. She was still amused and turned on by what had Rafael had been hiding from her under those suits for five years. Up until the shift in their relationship, the only part of him she’d ever seen bare was his forearms; and while those were very attractively muscled, the biceps and shoulders added even more to the package. She was surprised to learn he had quite a casual wardrobe that included t-shirts, other collared shirts and jeans that he wore on their outings. When they were planning a trip to a beach in New Jersey, however, she insisted he buy a new swimsuit as the one in his drawer screamed “I went to college in the early 90s” and she laughed until she couldn’t breathe when he pulled it out.

“What’s wrong with it?” He asked indignantly when she burst into laughter at the sight of the shorts with one leg color blocked and the other a Hawaiian print; all of it in near fluorescent colors.

“Nothing --” she gasped, wiping her eyes, “-- if you’re auditioning to be on Fresh Prince of Bel Air!” Olivia fell back on the bed, clutching her stomach.

Beach outings became a favorite summer activity for the three of them when she wasn’t on duty. Barba and the boy would build sandcastles and body surf -- something else that surprised her about him -- while Olivia watched from under the shade of a beach umbrella, until they both came and took her by the hand, pulling her into the waves with them.

The weekend before Noah was due to start school, they took him to a fair in a rural county north of the city. Olivia showed off her marksmanship skills at a game booth, shooting out the small red star on the paper target and winning Noah the largest stuffed prize. The child sparked the lawyer’s competitive streak when he asked, “Which game can you win, Uncle Rafael?”

Recently, Olivia told him Noah had asked if he could call him Rafael like she did. Preferring to retain some kind of respectful title she suggested calling him Uncle, like he did detectives Carisi and Fin. This was the first time he’d done it and Rafael met her eyes over the boy’s head, a warm ball of emotion filling his chest. She gave his hand a squeeze and tempered the moment with her own tease of, “Yeah, Uncle Rafael, what game can you win?”

More than a few dollars later, they were the proud owners of a bag full of goldfish, won with Rafael’s skills at getting a plastic ring around the neck of a soda bottle. Noah fell asleep on the way home, his head pillowed on the large panda.

Rafael looked back and him and then at Olivia before reaching over to take her hand.

“Good day?”

Her own head had been starting to loll and she smiled sleepily at him. “Mmm-hmm. It was. Even though now I need to find something to house six goldfish, thanks to you.”

“I can’t help it if ring toss is my skill set,” he smirked.

“Well, maybe your office needs a fish tank,” she shot back.

“Noah would be heartbroken.”

“Yeah, I know. Maybe I can get him to donate them to his classroom when school starts,” Olivia mused.

The goldfish lived in a large glass salad bowl for two days until one night after work Rafael appeared at her apartment door carrying an aquarium, complete with pump, lighted cover, colored pebbles and a few plastic plants. Noah bounced excitedly while helping set it up in his bedroom. Olivia stood in the doorway, watching the two.

“You do know goldfish don’t need aerated water,” she said.

“It will keep the tank cleaner. Less work for you,” he replied over his shoulder as he assisted Noah in pressing the plants into the pebbles.

She laughed. “No, no. You won these fish, you’re the tank cleaner, Barba.”

Noah fell asleep to the sound of his new fish tank that night, the light dimmed on the lid to serve as a nightlight. As they sat on the couch after the boy was tucked in, Olivia broached a subject to Rafael she had been thinking about for the past several weeks as she prepared herself for  her son starting school.

“Rafa, I want to add you as an emergency contact for Noah at school. Would that be okay?”

His eyebrows rose in surprise. At both her statement and the nickname. It was the first time she had called him anything but Rafael or Barba. The latter was usually used in the office or when she was annoyed at him; either legitimately or in jest. Adding him as an emergency contact for Noah was a big step in their relationship for her, he knew. Not even Tucker had been given that privilege. He suspected Amanda or Fin was on the form, just in the event something happened to her on duty. He wondered if she had a will that named a guardian for him. He knew she wouldn’t want him to end up in the system, but was also keenly aware she had no family other than her son.

“Listen, if you don’t want that kind of responsibility -- “ she began when he didn’t reply right away.

“No, no. I’m -- I’m honored you would want to. I know this -- us,” he gestured between them, “is new, so yes, of course you can.”

“It’s just in case they can’t reach me if he would get sick or there was another emergency at school,” she explained. He nodded. Rafael remembered from when he was a child. Of course, these days, school emergencies tended toward things like bomb threats and the like and were enough to make people think twice before having children, he thought. He’d wondered sometimes how people like Olivia and Amanda managed without having someone they could share their fears and concerns. He now knew that Rollins had Carisi and wanted to be that person for Liv as they moved ahead in their relationship.

Olivia had been hesitant about asking him, but he and Noah got along so well. Surprisingly better than the first time they had met and the man had held him like he was a bomb about to explode all over his expensive suit. It made her feel better knowing someone else Noah knew would be on the form. Until now, it had been her and Trevor Langan, the attorney who handled Noah’s adoption.

“Thank you,” she said, leaning over and giving him a kiss.

“I told you that first day when we went to pick up Noah I knew you and he were a package deal. Now, well, this makes me feel like I’m part of the package, too.”

“Remember that when you have to tell him he can’t do something,” she laughed.

Rafael’s first opportunity to be an authority figure with the five year old came sooner than he expected -- on the day school started. He had court early that day, and wasn’t able to accompany them on the walk to school, but he texted Olivia later in the morning. He’d have preferred to call, but they tried to keep their personal interactions at work non verbal so not to give any indications their relationship was anything but professional. Olivia’s phone vibrated on her desk and she turned it over. She smiled then snorted at the question.

**_How was the walk to school?_ **

_\- Oh, nothing special. My son told me he’d rather have Lucy as his mommy and then almost got hit by a cab._

**_What?_ **

_\- He was unhappy that he had to go to school. A little nervous I think, and said Lucy wouldn’t make him go. I told him too bad, he was stuck with me. LOL_

_-Then I got a call and he walked ahead to the corner and the light changed but a cab wasn’t stopping. I grabbed him out of the way. Scared the hell out of both of us._

**_But he’s okay? Not hurt? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?_ **

_\- No, he’s fine. And you were in court._

Rafael didn’t like that she might have waited until tonight to tell him about Noah’s attitude and near miss if he hadn’t contacted her, but he wasn’t going to get into a discussion about it via text.

**_I don’t think I can do lunch today, but first day of school dinner is still on at your place?_ **

_\- Of course. It’s spaghetti night._

**_See you then. I love you._ **

_\- I love you too._

That night at dinner there was no evidence of the attitude Noah had given his mother that morning, and Rafael had to agree with Olivia’s theory that it was due to nervousness. Regardless, if he was going to be a part of the boy’s life, he was going to make sure he learned to treat his mother with respect. He volunteered for bath duty, to give them some man to man time, while Olivia cleaned up. During washing and a little play time, he asked a few questions about Noah’s day, his new teacher, Mrs. Smiley, and any new friends he made. When they headed back to his room to help with pajamas, he broached the topic of the comments to Olivia that morning.

“So, _amigo,_ I hear you were ready to trade your mom in for Lucy this morning?” he said gently, holding out Noah’s pajama bottoms for him to step in.

“What? Oh, yeah.” The boy remembered the conversation. “I told her I wanted Lucy to be my mommy because she wouldn’t make me go to school.”

“Because you were a little nervous about it?” Noah pulled his top on over his head, and stuck his arms through the sleeves. As he did, Rafael noticed marks on his upper arm that must have been from where Olivia grabbed him to pull him from the path of the cab that morning.

“Uh-huh, I mean, s _i.”_ Rafael had been giving him some basic Spanish lessons.

“Why didn’t you just tell your mom that? Saying what you did wasn’t very nice. It hurt her feelings and it was disrespectful,” Rafael told him. “Even when you’re angry with your _mami,_ you need to be respectful. Do you understand?”

The boy nodded his head. “Should I say I’m sorry?”

“She knows you are, but I think she’d like it if you did. Pick your book and hop in bed. I’ll send her in. Good night, Noah.”

“Good night, Uncle Rafa,” said Noah, giving him a hug.

Rafael smiled at the affectionate shortening of his given name. He realised now that must have been where Olivia had got it from. She’d used it increasingly over the past few days. The only other person who shortened his name was his mother. But she called him Rafi, not Rafa. He turned the new nickname over in his mind a few times. He liked it, he thought, as he walked out to the living room where Olivia was bent over picking up toys.

“He should do that, Liv,” Rafael said, coming up behind her and giving her butt a little pinch. “Learn that toy boxes are more than just decorative.”  She jumped a little and straightened, turned around and smiled at him.

“I know. We’re getting there.”

“He’s clean and ready for a story. Don’t forget to feed the fish.”

When she entered Noah’s room, he jumped off the bed and threw his arms around her waist.

“I’m sorry, Momma,” he said.

Olivia picked him up and sat down on his bed with him on her lap.

“What are you sorry for, sweet boy?” she asked.

“Saying I wanted Lucy to be my mommy this morning and being disrespectful,” he said. “I really don’t want Lucy to be my mommy.”

“Oh, baby, I know you don’t,” she hugged him tight and kissed his damp curls. “We all say things we don’t mean sometimes.”

“Even you and Uncle Rafa?”

“Even me and Uncle Rafa. Grown ups probably do it more often than they should,” his mother told him. “Now, did you choose a book?”

The following day she was in the middle of talking to Fin about Byron Marks, the accused rapist he “happened to encounter” while on vacation in Cuba when her phone rang. It was Noah’s school so she excused herself to take the call and ended up scheduling a meeting with his teacher because of a bruise on his arm. Normally on the other side of such conversations, Olivia found herself feeling quite defensive; especially when the teacher said she imagined her job was very stressful and that Noah had told the school nurse that _she_ had given him the bruise! Working hard to control her temper, Olivia ended the conversation, and hoped she made it clear that the bruise was not the result of her striking her son. She called Rafael on her way back to the precinct, blowing out an angry breath, waiting for him to pick up.

“Barba.”

“Rafa it’s me,” she said, pausing on the sidewalk in the shade of a tree to get out of the heat of the Indian Summer temperatures. “Can you talk?”

Hearing the tension in her voice and the use of his nickname, he sensed this call had nothing to do with the current case.

“Hang on.” He walked over and closed the door to his office. Carmen wouldn’t come in without knocking and would run interference if anyone else arrived to see him. “What’s wrong?”

“I just had a conversation with Noah’s teacher, Mrs. Smiley. They saw a bruise on him and he told the school nurse that I gave it to him!” She finally let a bit of her anger into her voice. “She almost implied that I hit my son!”

“Olivia, calm down. Of course you don’t hit him. What are they talking about? Do they mean the bruise from when you grabbed him away from the taxi?”

The bruising was clearly finger marks and if he didn’t know how they happened or if he saw them on a child he didn’t know well -- Rafael could understand how it could be misinterpreted.

“Oh my God! That has to be it!” she exclaimed, suddenly feeling better, but also annoyed at her son. “When they kept talking about a bruise I didn’t even think of that, because I knew where it came from and was trying to think of another mark on him somewhere I hadn’t noticed. But why didn’t he tell them that’s how he got it?”

“He’s five, Liv. If they didn’t ask him a specific question, like how did your mom give you the bruise, then he probably didn’t think to elaborate,” Rafael suggested.

That night at bedtime, Olivia addressed the issue with Noah, who said yes, that’s what he meant when the nurse asked him about the marks, but no, they didn’t ask how he got them. She told him if he’s asked a question like that again to make sure to tell the whole truth and put the incident out of her head. But a week later, as she was getting ice cream for Noah there was a knock at the apartment door.

“Did you invite someone over?” she asked Noah putting down the scoop.

“No. Did you?”

“No.” She replied. She wasn’t expecting Rafael until later.

She looked through the peephole and was astounded to see Brian Cassidy, a former coworker and lover, on the other side. She opened it enough to talk but not enough to let him think she would be inviting him in. Their relationship had ended civilly enough and she sent him a Christmas card annually, with a picture of Noah, but she had no plans to introduce the two. Noah peered curiously from his spot at the man who wasn’t Uncle Rafa talking to his mom. They exchanged brief pleasantries and Cassidy told her he was back in town working for the DA’s office as an investigator and he’d caught a case that her squad had to recuse themselves from. A child abuse case. “I’m investigating you, Liv,” he told her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and looking forward to your comments! Special thanks to theoofoof for her beta skills and brainstorming help.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Cassidy's appearance at Olivia's door and the revelation that Ellie Porter lied about her parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay in updating! thebarsondaily guilted me into getting this chapter finished by spotlighting this story on tumblr. I am humbled and honored. 
> 
> We are getting into the meat of S19 now, and unlike canon, Rafael is directly involved in all the things happening in Olivia and Noah's lives as they work their way through their new (and still secret) relationship. I borrowed quite a bit of dialogue from the show in this chapter,and paraphrased some as well so if it reads familiar, it's because you heard it onscreen. None of that is mine; it belongs to NBC, as do the characters. Part of the end of this chapter is taken from my one-shot "Contrapasso" post ep and so may seem a little familiar as well.

Olivia closed the apartment door, her heart in her throat, Cassidy’s voice echoing in her ears: _I’m investigating you, Liv…..you Liv…..you Liv._ There was a second knock at the door and she yanked it open with vigor, prepared to give him hell for returning to her door, only to see Rafael standing there, a bottle of chocolate sauce in his hand.

“Oh, it’s you,” she said flatly, almost disappointed she couldn’t take a chunk out of Cassidy’s hide.

“Don’t look so excited.” He stepped inside and gave her a kiss that she didn’t return. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you after Noah’s in bed,” she said quietly, then raised an eyebrow. “Chocolate sauce? Is that for us or him?”

Rafael chuckled. “I remembered we ate the last of it the other night and thought I’d bring more.”

“Hi, Uncle Rafa!” said Noah. “More chocolate sauce, good! Because we only have vanilla ice cream left. Momma, who was that man at the door?”

“Just someone I used to work with who’s back in town and stopped to say hello. I told him I was busy making ice cream sundaes with my favorite son.” She pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head.

“I’m your only son,” Noah giggled.

As Olivia set about scooping ice cream into bowls and passing them to Rafael for the addition of chocolate sauce, she felt his eyes on her and she knew he wanted to know who had been at the door. Finally after ice cream had been consumed, Noah’s face and teeth cleaned, a book read and hugs and kisses distributed, they sat down on the couch together. Curling her legs beneath her, Olivia looked at Rafael and beat him to the punch.

“It was Brian Cassidy at the door,” she said, watching his eyebrows settle into a scowl.

Both wondered how he missed the former detective. Cassidy must have taken the stairs down while he rode up in the elevator. Olivia knew Rafael still harbored resentment toward her former coworker and lover for not going to her apartment to make sure she was all right after the first William Lewis trial and her subsequent abduction.

“What did he want?”

“What I told Noah is true,” she said. “He’s back in town. Working for the DA’s office apparently. You didn’t know?” Rafael shook his head.

She took a breath and blew it out. “Then I guess you didn’t know I’m under investigation for child abuse, because I’m sure you’d have told me if you did.”

“What? No, of course I didn’t know! What the hell, Liv? You think I wouldn’t tell you if I heard something like that?” he said defensively, trying to keep his voice down knowing there was a sleeping child down the hall.

“No, no, I’m sorry, Rafa.” She reached over and laced her fingers with his hand that lay on the back of the couch. “He just touched a nerve is all.”

“Tell me exactly what Cassidy told you,” he said gently.

“That was it,” she said, shaking her head in disgust. “I guess he wanted to give me a heads up. I thought this was resolved after I talked to the school but apparently they didn’t agree.”

“Come here,” he tugged on her hand and she moved across the cushions to go willingly into his arms.

Settling against his chest, Olivia relaxed and closed her eyes. In his embrace she felt safe. Like none of the horrors of their job could affect her and for a moment she could forget about whatever lay ahead with this investigation into her parenting.

The morning she was scheduled to meet with Michelle Morrison from the DA’s office, Rafael took Noah to school. She told him she’d stop by his office when they were finished to fill him in before going to her own. Olivia sat down in the chair opposite the woman and knew her body language displayed irritation at the whole proceedings. Trying to get it over with as quickly as possible she said,

“Just ask the big question, Michelle, so I can answer it and we can both go home.”

“Have you been physically abusing your son?”

“No,” Olivia said, looking the other woman in the eye.

Morrison said Noah had told her his mother worked too much, and Olivia made light of it, saying what five year old on the planet wouldn’t say the same thing. But her chest clenched at the thought of her son thinking she put her job ahead of him. When the other woman brought up Dr. Lindstrom, her lips tightened and she shook her head, standing and pacing away from the table to keep her temper in check. Her sessions with Dr. Lindstrom had no bearing on this. She was there about a black and blue mark on her son’s arm. Not what she and the psychiatrist had discussed over the years. She knew what Morrison was trying to do. Make her feel at ease with the line of questioning; that their interests were aligned. She’d done it herself more times than she could count in the last 20 years.

“Cards on the table?” asked Morrison.  
  
“Please,” said Olivia tightly, sitting back down at the small table.

The other woman proceeded to tell her the story she’d heard repeated dozens of times -- that when she was found and rescued from the beach house where William Lewis had taken her and held her captive, she had beaten him to a bloody pulp with a piece of an iron bed frame. Olivia swallowed hard and searched for the right words to explain to the woman what she had come to realize after all those sessions with Dr. Lindstrom. She said, her voice cracking, that the reason she fought so hard to stay alive was for Noah.

“And I hadn’t even met him yet.” Fighting back angry, emotional tears she continued. “So if you want to know what I’m guilty of, I’m guilty of being distracted -- I was on the phone.” She brandished the offending device. “And I took my eyes off that boy for one second. That’s what I did wrong.”

Of course, that’s when her phone rang. It was Fin. “Are we almost done?”

Morrison nodded affirmatively, “For now.”

Olivia told the detective she’d be right there. But as she left Olivia got the distinct impression it was far from over and the look in her eyes when her phone buzzed said this was the point she was trying to make: that work was a higher priority than Noah. Even though she’d intended to stop in to see Rafael after the meeting, the call from Fin had her headed back to the precinct instead. As Fin and Carisi were filling her in she replied to a text from Rafael asking about the meeting.

_-Thought you were going to stop by when you were done with Morrison?_

**_I was, but we caught a case._ **

_-You okay? How’d it go?_

**_Well enough. TTYL_ **

She knew that answer wasn’t good enough, but it would have to do. She pocketed her phone and turned her attention to the one way glass looking into the interrogation room where Amanda was talking to Savannah Ross. After her conversation with Michelle Morrison, Olivia made a point to leave promptly that evening and had texted Lucy to let her know not to make dinner; she would be cooking for her and Noah that night. Wednesday’s were spaghetti night and she stopped at their favorite Italian market for some homemade meatballs and fresh bread. A jar of dinosaur shaped sprinkles caught her eye and she added them to the basket hanging from her elbow for on Noah’s ice cream that night. They were almost twice the price they’d be elsewhere but motherly guilt had an amazing way of making one overlook such things. Just as she approached her apartment, arms laden with her bag and groceries, her phone vibrated with an incoming call. Certain it was Rafael, since she hadn’t yet spoken to him that day, she juggled the things in her arms, unlocked the door and stepped inside. Sounds came from down the hall of Lucy supervising Noah’s bath. Her bag went on the coatrack and the groceries on the counter. Pulling the phone from her pocket she looked at the screen answered the call with,

“Hey, I just walked in the door. Can I call you right back?”

“Or you could just let me in.” He’d entered the lobby just as the elevator doors closed on her.

She turned around and covered the short distance back to the door and pulled it open. He smiled at her and pocketed his phone. She did the same.

“Hi,” he said with a soft smile that melted her insides a little. It was the first they’d seen each other since early that morning and his presence soothed the rawness she’d been feeling all day after the meeting in his building.

“Hi. Lucy is supervising bath time.” Olivia stepped closer.

“So I can do this?”

Rafael cupped her face in his hands, their lips met and the world fell away. There was no Michelle Morrison, no phone calls from Fin, no rape victim who may or may not actually be a rape victim -- nothing mattered but the feel of his mouth on hers. She clutched the fine wool fabric of his suit jacket as he kissed away her problems and worries. It was only the sound of small bare feet coming down the hall that forced them apart.

“Momma! Uncle Rafa!”

Each in turn received a hug from Noah, who smelled sweet and clean from his bath and was clad in pajamas covered in dinosaurs, reminding Olivia of the sprinkles in the grocery bag. After greeting and then bidding Lucy goodbye the two adults set to making dinner together while Noah watched from a perch on one of the stools on the other side of the bar, telling them about his day. The kitchen was small but they worked well together in close proximity, often touching and communicating without speaking as they did so well at work. Rafael looked over at Olivia once as she stirred the pot of boiling pasta, the steam curling strands of hair that had escaped her clip and wondered how he had ever lived without her.

It wasn’t until dinner was eaten down to the last meatball, dishes done and Noah’s bedtime routine finished, complete with wishing goodnight to his squad, as he now referred to the goldfish, that they were able to sit down together in the living room. Rafael’s jacket, tie and vest had long since been discarded when they made dinner and now he sat in shirt sleeves and suspenders; one of Olivia’s favorite looks and she just gazed at him for a moment feeling grateful she hadn’t turned down his invitation four months before.

“So,” he asked, taking one of her hands in his and rubbing his thumb across her knuckles, “the meeting this morning. How did it really go?”

She shook her head, looking at their joined hands. “I don’t know, Rafael. I honestly don’t know. She had the gall to bring up Lewis…..and Dr. Lindstrom. And she said Noah told her I work too much!”

He barked a laugh. “He’s five. He’d probably say I worked too much too if you asked him. Or Fin or Rollins or any of the adults he knows.”

“That’s what I told her.” Olivia raised her head to look at him. “I’m a good mother, Rafa.”

“Next to my own, you are the best mother I know, _mi amor.”_  


**********

For the next few weeks, they both tried to put the investigation out of their minds.There was no sense in dwelling on it, because they knew there was no rushing the DA’s office. The investigation would be completed when it was completed. Instead, Olivia focused on Noah; making sure she took him to school herself whenever possible and tried to get home in the evenings at a reasonable hour and not take overnight shifts if she could help it.

It was for this reason that Fin and Carisi got the call for what ended up being the attack on a man named Jason Karr who had been castrated in a hotel room. In the morning, she and Amanda went to see the victim at the hospital but he was sedated when they arrived. After they spoke to the doctor and were preparing to leave, her phone rang. A glance at the screen said it was a number from the DA’s office and she answered it to learn she had been cleared in the investigation into Noah’s bruises. Olivia shared the news with Amanda as they left the hospital. As they walked, she toyed with her phone.

“Call Barba and let him know,” her friend encouraged. “I won’t tell.”

Amanda was still the only person who knew that the pizza and wine and dinner and dancing date had turned into a relationship that was still going strong. Olivia flashed her a smile and touched the pre-programmed icon for the green eyed ADA.

Later that day Olivia, Rafael and her three detectives gathered in her office for a quick meeting to discuss the Jason Karr case before he had to be in court. He asked what was the presumed motive for the three classmates to ambush and castrate their former teacher.

“It wasn’t for giving ‘em all C’s,” quipped Fin. Liv and Amanda rolled their eyes.

“Given the nature of the injury, there’s a sexual motivation behind it,” replied his lieutenant.

“Explains why Karr won’t talk,” added Amanda.

Rafael informed the group he couldn’t prosecute the assault unless the victim made an ID, to which Carisi, ever the eager future lawyer suggested they charge the three women with obstruction.

“For asserting their Fifth Amendment rights?” Rafael rebutted.

“After they lied to us and obfuscated our investigation,” argued the detective.

“Obfuscate. Yummy.”

Olivia held up her hands to end the bickering.

“Hold on Rafa.” The new nickname slipped out without her realizing it. “An obstruction charge would certainly leverage some cooperation. If you can’t prove the crime. Prove the cover-up.”

“You’d have reasonable cause for an arrest, but my advice is to get Jason Karr on board, or this train is going nowhere,” Rafael said, standing. Then he strode from her office, heart pounding that her slip had given them away. Fortunately, they knew he was due in court and he hoped that explained his abrupt departure. He was so preoccupied with Olivia’s slip of the tongue he didn’t notice the tall man who passed him at the bank of elevators.

After Rafael and her detectives left her office, Olivia dropped her head into her hands. _She called him Rafa! In front of Fin and Carisi!_ She hoped neither of the men had noticed and that Amanda wasn’t currently fielding questions from them. Rafael had certainly noticed! The look on his face was only for a split second but it was shock and then adoration. She allowed herself a smile at his reaction, then grabbed a phone to shoot him a text.

**_Sorry about that. It just slipped out. Do you think anyone noticed?_ **

_-Idk. Wish you could call me that all the time at work. (sent with a winking emoji) This could run late. I’ll lyk when I finally get done._

 

************

Olivia looked up to see the exceptionally tall figure of Trevor Langan in her doorway.

“You don't return my calls,” he said stepping into her office.

“Hi. I am so sorry. It has been crazy around here, but I did want to tell you that both the DA's office and ACS have closed their case files,” she told him with a relieved sigh.

But that wasn’t why he was there. Langan proceeded to information her that Ellie Porter lied about her parents being dead and growing up in the foster system; that her mother, Sheila Porter, was alive and well and had hired a private investigator to find her daughter.

“They... they somehow found out about Noah and she has now filed a petition to vacate Noah's adoption,” he concluded, handing her a set of legal documents.

Olivia’s heart had begun to pound as he talked. She tried to keep her voice level and low, as her door was still open to the squadroom.

“Wow. Why didn't you corroborate what Ellie told me about her parents?”

“You’re blaming me?” Langan looked surprised and now her voice did raise a little, a frown creasing her forehead.

“Yeah, I’m blaming you,” she said in a perfect imitation of Rafael’s most sarcastic tone he sometimes used in the courtroom with witnesses, usually followed by ‘withdrawn’. Except she didn’t say that. Her next statement was an accusation, made with brown eyes flashing. “You didn’t do your homework.”

The attorney tried to defend himself by asking if she knew how many Porters there were in the state of New York. Olivia’s stomach dropped.

“This woman is in New York?”

“New Hampshire,” he replied, as if that made a bit of difference. Any distance under several thousand miles was too close, as far as Olivia was concerned.

“This is unbelievable. The one thing that you had to get right.” She glared at him.

“You said she had no relatives.”

“I am not a lawyer,” she shot back.

“You have a database,” Langan returned.

“For police business!” She slammed her hands on her desk.

“All right. I’m not going to stand here and defend myself,” he began.

“You better defend yourself,” Olivia interrupted. He was rapidly losing points with her. Maybe he hadn’t come as far from defending scum as she thought.

Langan switched tracks. “We’ll fight this, Liv,” he said placatingly.

But the fight was going out of her. She sank down into her chair.

“If I lose Noah after everything that I've been through…” she whispered, leaving the sentence unfinished and he told her that was not going to happen; that there was no legal basis to vacate the adoption. She swallowed, but the lump that had formed in her throat wouldn’t be washed away. “We both know that Judge Linden fast-tracked this adoption for me.”

“I know. Even so, there is…” he began but she interrupted him again, fighting tears.

“Please leave. Please leave.” She waved him away.

Olivia sat at her desk as Langan left, her eyes unfocused as her brain tried to process the bombshell the lawyer had just dropped in her lap. Noah had a blood relative. A grandmother. Who wanted to take her son away! She needed to tell Rafael and picked up her phone to call him then remembered he was in court for grand jury testimony. He wouldn’t answer. It was possible he had even turned his phone off. She put hers down and took several deep breaths, her eyes on the photo of Noah on her desk, trying to push the panic out of her head and focus on the case at hand at least until she could talk to Rafael.

The day wore on with no contact from him save a short text around 5 p.m. telling her the testimony was still ongoing but he hoped to be wrapped up by 7 o’clock and he’d let her know as soon as it was over. She left the precinct on time again that night, needing to go home and see her son. Olivia went through the motions of looking at Noah’s school papers, making dinner -- of which she ate little -- and supervising his bath. She still hadn’t heard from Rafael and her nerves were starting to fray as she tried not to dwell on Langan’s news. Noah chose Peter Rabbit from his bookshelf and snuggled close to her as she read the story about the bunny and his cotton-tailed siblings. Suddenly, the sound of knocking on the apartment door interrupted the tale.

“Did you invite someone?” she asked. The question had become a joke between mother and son whenever there was a knock at the door.

“No, you did,” Noah replied, hoping even though his mother said they wouldn’t see him tonight, it was Uncle Rafa at the door and he could finish the story. His mom didn’t do the right voices.

“No, I didn’t,” she said, handing him the book and getting up from the bed, glancing at her phone where it lay on Noah’s nightstand. She hadn’t missed a call or text from Rafael, but maybe it was him at the door after all.

Looking through the peephole she saw an unfamiliar woman about her own age standing on the other side. She opened it slowly and the woman spoke, “Olivia Benson? I’m Sheila Porter. Noah’s grandmother.”

Olivia froze for a moment, her heart in her throat and her hand tightened on the door painfully. Noah probably thought it was Rafael at the door and would be coming down the hall any minute. Her ears strained for the sound of small feet on the carpet. Nothing. The woman opened her mouth to speak again but Olivia held up her other hand to forestall anything else.

“I’m sorry,” she said, surprised she could get the words out and that her voice sounded normal. “I’m not going to speak to you. Anything you need to say to me needs to go through my attorney.”

She closed the door and leaned against it, legs shaking. _How dare Sheila Porter show up at her home! How did she even know where she lived?_

“Momma?” Noah’s voice broke through her thoughts. He was coming down the hall from his room, the Peter Rabbit book clutched against his chest. “Who was at the door? Is Uncle Rafa here?”

She frantically grabbed a folder on the table beside the door and walked rapidly toward him. “Just work stuff, sweetie. Nothing important. Let’s finish our story.”

_What a good liar you are, Liv. Now, can you act like you didn’t just come face to face with the woman who wants to destroy everything you’ve lived for?_

She finished reading Noah the book, hoping he couldn’t feel her heart pounding in her chest, tucked him in with his Eddie and kissed him, trying not to hold him longer than usual.

“Good night, my sweet, sweet boy,” she whispered, giving him one more kiss on the top of his head.

“‘Night, Momma,” he answered sleepily.

Olivia made sure the fish tank light was on, closed his door and slid to the floor against the wall outside his room; her legs no longer able to support her. She started to tremble as she thought about the papers that Langan brought her this morning, hidden away in her bag. Ellie Porter lied. For whatever reason her drug-addled mind had come up with, she had clearly lied about her parents. Her mother at least; who was alive and well. With shaking fingers she opened the text conversation between her and Rafael. Surely he was done with the Grand Jury by now.

**_Hi. You finished?_ **

_-Hi. Just walked out of the courtroom. What a day! Noah asleep?_

**_Yes._ ** Her thumbs hesitated over the screen. She didn’t want to appear needy.

**_Can you come over? I know you’re tired. But I need you._ **

The text screen was instantly replaced by one showing an incoming call from him. Olivia swallowed hard, hoping her voice would work.

“Hi,” she said quietly, knowing Noah was asleep on the other side of the door but didn’t have the strength to stand up and move.

“What’s wrong, Liv? Is it about the DA’s investigation? You told me that was closed and you were cleared.” She could hear his footsteps echoing and knew he was moving quickly down the marble stairs inside the courthouse.

“It is and I was. No, this is something else. I don’t want to get into it over the phone.”

“I’m on my way, _mi amor_.”

The call ended and she rested her forehead on her bent knees. That’s where he found her. Still sitting on the floor, head on her knees, arms wrapped around her legs, shaking with rage and despair. She had given him a key weeks ago and he’d used it, not bothering to knock and rushing into the apartment to find it quiet and the living area empty.

“Liv?”

When he got no answer, he started toward the bedrooms and stopped short seeing her on the floor outside Noah’s room.

“Olivia, what are you doing on the floor?”

The use of her whole name got her attention and she lifted her head to look at him, her body flooding with relief that he was there and the tears that she’d held back all day began to flow. She covered her mouth with her hands to muffle the hysterical sobs she couldn’t control. This was a side of the woman he loved Rafael had never seen before. Olivia Benson was always in control. Or at least let people believe she was.

“Jesus, Liv, what’s wrong? What happened?”

All she could do was shake her head. Shrugging off his suit jacket and hoping his knees would allow him to get back up, he crouched down and slid an arm under her legs and around her waist. Then he stood and carried her into the bedroom, settling on the bed, Olivia at his side. She had wrapped her arms around his neck when he lifted her and kept them there, head buried in his shoulder. Rafael held her close, murmuring words of comfort in both English and Spanish. Finally Olivia’s sobs subsided and she took a deep breath before lifting her head and eyeing his vest that now had a large wet patch.

“Sorry. I’ll get it cleaned,” she said with a sniffle.

He handed her a tissue from the nightstand as his handkerchief was in his jacket still on the floor in the hall and offered her his trademark half smile.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not one of my favorites.”

That made her smile tremulously as she wiped her face.

“Now what the hell is going on that I found you sobbing on the floor?” He asked gently, pushing a piece of hair behind one ear, his fingers lingering tenderly on her damp cheek. He couldn’t even begin to guess what had triggered the usually imperturbable Olivia Benson to have a hysterical crying jag.

“Langan came to see me today. Remember how Ellie told us her parents were dead -- that she was raised in the foster system?” He nodded. “She lied. Her mother, at least, is alive and well.”

Rafael’s face registered the same shock she’d felt earlier that day. “Excuse me?”

Anger was returning and Olivia pushed off the bed and paced across the room to her dresser for an elastic to pull her hair back.

“Her name is Sheila Porter and she lives in New Hampshire. I don’t know if she has lived there all along or just since she hired a private investigator to find Ellie and they found Noah instead.”

“And Langan knows all this how?”

Olivia took him by the hand and led him from the bedroom to the living area where her bag hung on the coat rack. She reached inside and handed him a packet of papers with a familiar blue covering. “Sheila Porter has filed a motion to --” she drew a steadying breath, “to vacate Noah’s adoption.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you haven't watched S19, then this was kind of a cliff-hanger ending. But after almost 5000 words I decided that this chapter needed to conclude. I'd like to promise I won't take as long to give you the next one, but I have quite a few pots on the stove so bear with me and thank you for reading. As always, please let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael and Olivia discuss Sheila Porter, and experience a few firsts in their relationship as well as some time enjoying each other. So a little angst, a little fluff and a little smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As in the previous chapter, I've borrowed some lines from "No Good Reason". Those belong to the writers at NBC, along with all the characters. And for the first time since their first date, I've included some Barson smut. I don't think it's too explicit, but you're warned.
> 
> Enjoy!

Rafael met her eyes and saw something he couldn’t remember ever seeing in them in all the years they’d known each other: fear. Fear that a stranger was going to walk into her life and take her son away. He took her arm and led her to the couch, then tossed the paperwork on the coffee table and took both her hands in his.

“No judge is going to vacate the adoption. Not after all this time,” he said firmly.

“That’s what Langan said too,” she replied bitterly. “But still. She’s a blood relative, Rafael.”

“And you’re his mother. You’re the one who has taken care of him when he was sick, taught him to talk and walk. The only mother he’s ever known, Liv.”

“Just keep telling me that, please.” Then she looked at him closely for the first time. The lines around his eyes were deeper than usual. He looked tired and she remembered he’d been in court all day. “Have you had anything to eat today? Other than coffee,” she amended quickly when he opened his mouth to reply.

He grinned sheepishly. She knew him too well. Then Rafael shook his head.

Olivia stood and led him to “his” chair at the breakfast bar. “Sit.”

Dishing up some of what was leftover from her and Noah’s dinner, she sat beside him while he cleaned the plate and sipped the glass of scotch she’d poured for him. Toying with the stem of her own wineglass, she tried to find words for the thought that had formed in her head. Before she could say them, he covered a yawn.

“Sorry. The day is catching up on me.” He moved to slide off the chair. “I should go.”

She reached out and put a hand on his bare forearm, exposed from where he’d rolled up his sleeves prior to eating.

“Stay.”

Rafael’s eyes widened. In the four months since they took their relationship to the next level it been by tacit agreement he hadn’t spent the night at her apartment when Noah was there. In fact, since their initial date and night spent at his apartment they had only slept the entire night together twice; once at hers when Noah had a sleepover with Jesse and a second time at his place after Lucy volunteered to stay at hers with the boy.

“Liv, are you sure? With Noah here?”

“Yes. If he asks I’ll come up with something to tell him,” she said.

She slid her hand down his arm to cover his and looked into his green eyes. She needed his comfort tonight. His stability. She needed him to tell her again that Sheila wasn’t going to take Noah away from her. He nodded, understanding what she was saying without words, as she had so many times in the last five years. Flipping his hand to grasp hers, Rafael lifted it to his lips.

“Then let’s go to bed _.”_

Few words were spoken while they prepared for bed. She gave him a new toothbrush and when he took his turn in the bathroom, Olivia removed her leggings, t-shirt and bra, replacing them with a tank top. Rafael stripped to his boxers. They hadn’t spent enough nights together to have his and her sides, but he could tell by the flatness of the pillows which side she favored and got in on the opposite as she closed the door not quite completely so she could hear Noah if he called out and turned off the light. This was the first time they’d gotten in bed together without the intent of making love and she held herself a little stiffly at first until he said,

“Come here.”

Rafael reached out and pulled her onto her side, spooning behind, holding her firmly against him so they were laying the way they’d been when she woke up their first night together. Olivia sighed and he felt her body start to relax. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

“Sleep, _mi amor_ ,” he told her.

“Good night,” she said, almost asleep already. “I love you.”

When Rafael woke in the morning, the sky was still gray and Olivia was snoring softly, tucked against his side. He slid from the bed carefully so as not to wake her and took a quick shower, redressing in his clothes from the day before. He was making coffee when he heard the patter of Noah’s feet going from his room into his mother’s and the soft exchange of morning greetings.

“Good morning, Momma,” said Noah, climbing onto the bed beside Olivia as he did most mornings. She rarely set an alarm clock; her son had a built in one that had him awake no later than 6:15 each morning. Convenient on weekdays, but on weekends she wished he’d sleep a little longer.

“Good morning, sweet boy,” she said as he snuggled next to her. Sleeping beside the man she loved had pushed the previous day’s revelations from her mind, but now they returned and she held her son close, his small body still warm from sleep. She could not -- _would not_ \-- let Sheila Porter take moments like this from her.

“I smell coffee,” he told her. Rafael had been in his life long enough now he recognized the aroma.

“So do I,” she said, pushing back the covers and reaching for her leggings.

“Is Uncle Rafa here?” he asked excitedly, running from the room. His mother followed more slowly, with a stop in the bathroom, thinking how much she liked spending the night next to the man in her kitchen.

“Uncle Rafa!” She heard him exclaim, and then the deeper tones of Rafael’s voice.

When Noah arrived in the kitchen, Rafael was standing, expertly flipping the ends of his tie without a mirror.

“How do you know how to do that, Uncle Rafa?” Noah asked with wonder and Rafael realized it was probably the first time the boy had ever seen a tie tied; not having any other adult men in any state of undress his life until now. Tucker didn’t count. Noah was too young. Besides, he snorted silently, that tight ass probably wore a tie to bed. Undoing what he’d already done, he lifted the boy to sit on the counter and demonstrated the proper technique for him. When Olivia rounded the corner, she saw Noah watching intently as the man standing in front of him, dressed in the clothes he’d arrived in the night before, demonstrated how to tie a necktie.

It tugged at her heart seeing the two of them interact like father and son.

“Good morning,” she said as he gave the knot a final straighten. He turned and smiled at her, and his love for her was so clearly reflected on his face she that her breath caught in her throat.

“Good morning.” He swung Noah down from the counter and reached for the coffee pot to pour her cup.

“Uncle Rafa was showing me how to tie a tie,” her son informed her.

“I saw,” she said taking the cup from him and kissing his cheek.

“Knowing how to tie a tie properly is an important skill set, right Uncle Rafa?” Noah parroted back what he’d been told minutes before, smiling at them with a toothy grin.

“Yes, it is, _mijo_ ,” Rafael said, smoothing the boy’s curls that were unruly from sleep. The term of endearment slipped past his lips before his brain even registered it.

Olivia froze with her coffee mug at her lips and looked at him over the rim. He returned her gaze; equally frozen as he realized what he’d said. If pressed, Rafael would have to admit he’d grown to love Noah as much as his mother and although he never considered himself father material before, felt quite paternal toward the boy. But he wasn’t sure how Olivia felt about it. She gazed at him, filled with emotion that he’d just called Noah “my son”.

“Can I have frozen waffles for breakfast, Momma?”

Noah’s voice broke the awkward silence, completely unaware of the non-verbal exchange that had going on between the two adults.

 _Did you really just say that?_ Her eyes said.  
_Yes. Should I say I’m sorry?_ His replied.  
_You won’t mean it._ Hers countered.  
_No._

“Sure you can, honey. Why don’t you go get dressed while I make them?” She replied, not breaking eye contact with Rafael.

Noah turned to run to his room but spun back around. “Can you stay for waffles, Uncle Rafa?” he asked.

The man bit his lip, unsure whether he had just worn out his welcome with a Spanish slip up. Then Olivia smiled at him, and he knew their relationship had just taken another step forward. A quick breakfast of frozen blueberry waffles and Rafael bid mother and son goodbye so he could run home and change before going to work. He made some discreet inquiries and discovered everything Langan had told about Sheila Porter was true. He ground his teeth at Langan’s ineptness. How could he not have vetted the information Ellie Porter gave them about her parents? One quick search of the foster system would have turned up whether she’d ever been in it. Clearly Langan’s pro bono work wasn’t based on legitimate compassion.

A week after Noah’s grandmother turned up on Olivia’s doorstep, the three of them had just finished dinner when Amanda called, needing her lieutenant back at the precinct. Rafael saw the imperceptible sag of Olivia’s shoulders. She hated to call Lucy back. The young woman deserved to have a life too. Not to mention she was still trying to spend more time with her son to make sure he understood he was her priority; not work.

“Go,” he told her. “I’ll do bath and a story or two and hopefully you’ll be back in time to tuck him in.”

“Two stories? Yay!” cried Noah. “I’ll go pick!”

“You know he’s going to choose the longest books he has,” Olivia chuckled, slipping on her boots.

“That’s okay. I don’t mind.” Rafael slid a hand behind the back of her neck and kissed her tenderly. “Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine.”

She placed a palm to the side of his face. “I’ll be back soon.”

That turned out to be not as accurate a statement as she’d hoped when Olivia and her detectives ended up going to New Jersey to bring home Mandy Fowler, the fifteen year old who had run away after waking up at a party to find insults scrawled on her half naked body. Once they discovered she’d also been raped, she dashed off a text to Rafael.

 **_Found the girl. Taking her to the ER.  
_** _That’s never good. No worries here. We’re up to story #3._

 **_Idk how long I’m going to be. Can you manage tuck in? I don’t want him up too late.  
_** _I think I can. Eddie can walk me through it._

Olivia smiled and pocketed her phone, turning her mind back to the case at hand. It was late when she crept into the dark apartment and found Rafael asleep on her couch, a book open on his chest. Checking on Noah first, who was sound asleep with Eddie beside him, she returned to the living room and kissed the man’s cheek.

“Wake up, Rafa. I’m home,” she whispered.

He opened his eyes sleepily, smiling when he saw her. Running his hands through his hair to wake himself up, he said quietly,

“Eddie wanted a fourth story before he’d tell me the right way to fix the covers.”

They shared a quiet laugh before he reluctantly bid her goodnight. He had an early meeting in the morning and wouldn’t have time to run home to change first if he stayed. Later that day they met in her office and she filled him in about Mandy Fowler while Amanda and Carisi talked to the girl’s parents. Olivia didn’t tell him anything about the case the night before. They were trying to keep work at work and their personal life outside. Partly due to Noah’s comment to Michelle Morrison and partly because it helped them keep their relationship under wraps. Neither had mentioned disclosing recently because they knew they still weren’t on the same page.

“Who has the most to lose?” Rafael asked her about the teenage boys who had been at the party where Mandy was raped.

“The kid who took the pictures,” replied Olivia.

Just when they thought they had the case in the bag, Mandy posted on her vlog that she had changed her mind about testifying and just wanted to put it all behind her, prompting Amanda and her lieutenant to pay the girl a visit where she broke down in Olivia’s arms.

“How frightening it must be to parent a teenager,” Olivia remarked to Rafael after they had tucked Noah in to bed one evening during the Fowler case and were settled in their usual place on the couch. “I used to think a boy would be easier, but now ---” she shrugged.

“We have ten years before Noah is those kids’ age,” he told her with his little half smile. “Plenty of time to prepare.”

“We?”

He didn’t reply right away. As with _mijo_ , the sentence had just slipped from his lips. He hadn’t given it conscious thought, because there was no thinking about it. He had decided months ago that he planned on spending the rest of his life with the tall, dark haired police lieutenant who stood looking at him with a bemused look on her face.

“Is that okay? That I’ve been thinking that far ahead?” he queried softly, tipping his head in that familiar, disarming manner.

Olivia took longer than she needed to reply. Not because she needed to think about it. No, the affirmative answer was on her lips as soon as the question left his. But because the thought of being with the man who sat across from her on the couch for the next ten years and beyond both thrilled and terrified her and she wasn’t sure which feeling was stronger. The thrill won out and she nodded slightly.

“Yes.”

Her reply made him smile widely and she responded in kind, then gasped in surprise when he swooped toward her, capturing her mouth and kissing her passionately; pushing her back against the cushions. She felt her body respond to his mouth and his hands, which found their way under her shirt to caress the soft skin beneath. Back to back cases and the appearance of Sheila Porter had put their sex life on the back burner for a couple weeks and both had been feeling frustrated and wanting. Olivia’s pushed his suspenders off of his shoulders and then her hands went to his waist and pulled at his shirt until it was untucked; then she moved to the buttons and worked them frantically. He pulled his arms free of the braces and moved his mouth to her neck, finding the spot to gently bite that made her whimper and arch against him. Rafael’s response was to press his hips against hers, letting her know exactly how much he wanted her. Buttons dispatched, she ran her hands over his chest and shoulders beneath the now opened shirt, then around to his back, clutching at it when his own hands moved to her breasts, cupping one in each hand, squeezing gently.

“Bedroom,” she gasped against his lips, as his tongue teased hers, making her think she wanted it between her legs.

Rafael stood and pulled her to her feet and they moved quickly, turning off lights as they went. Olivia paused briefly to peek into Noah’s room where he was sleeping soundly, tugged him to her room and closed the door securely but quietly. Then she found herself pressed up against it, her mouth being plundered again and again while his hands deftly unfastened her slacks and pushed them and her underwear down over her hips to fall at her ankles. She stepped out, kicking them aside, reaching for his trousers, but he brushed her hands away and knelt before her, pushing up her top so he could drop butterfly kisses along her stomach, around her belly button, across to one hip and then back to the other before going down one thigh. She drew in a breath and clutched at his hair as his mouth inched closer to where she was thinking about where she wanted it mere minutes before.

“Yes, please, Rafa. Please.”

He pressed his mouth at the apex of her thighs, parting her folds with his tongue, the tip dipping inside to taste the moisture he knew was already waiting there. Olivia’s head fell back against the door when his tongue found the sensitive bud and drew circles around it, occasionally flicking across, drawing a low moan of pleasure from her. When her legs began to tremble, he knew she was close and moved his hand to insert one and then two fingers into her, his tongue continuing its assault on her clit. It didn’t take long for her to climax, her muscles contracting around his fingers. She knew him well enough to know making her come with his mouth turned him on as much as it did her when she returned the favor, and he had to be aching inside his pants. Dropping to the carpet on wobbly legs so they were eye to eye, she kissed him thoroughly, tasting herself on his tongue. Then she pulled off her top and unhooked her bra, tossing both garments aside. Her nipples were hard and sensitive and he rolled them between the finger and thumb of each hand.

“We’re not done, counselor,” she told him, cupping him through his pants.

“Liv,” he said with a groan, shrugging off his shirt while she undid his trousers and zipper.

“I know, babe, I know,” she said, kissing his chest, nipping at his collarbone. When his pants and boxers were pushed to his thighs, freeing his erection, she pushed on his shoulders, indicating he should lie down.

“On the carpet?” He raised an eyebrow.

Her response was to circle him with her hand and give him two firm strokes. He fell to his back and raised his hips so she could pull off his pants the rest of the way. They joined hers in a pile. Then she straddled his hips and swiftly lowered herself onto his hardness. She was hot and tight and still so very wet. Her hair fell in a curtain around their faces when she placed a hand on either side of his head and leaned forward to kiss him as she raised her hips and sunk back down on him so he filled her completely, making her whimper with pleasure. Rafael reached up and caressed her breasts, bringing one and then the other to his mouth, sucking on each nipple in turn until she threw her head back and began riding him in earnest. His hands moved to her hips to hold her in place, as he lifted own to thrust deeper, planting his feet flat on the floor for leverage.

“God, Liv,” he ground out.

She lifted her hips and dropped down hard, clenching her muscles around him as she did, knowing it would push him over the edge of orgasm. It did and she felt his muscles contract as he came, triggering her second one. She collapsed onto his chest, both of them breathing hard. He traced fingers up and down her spine, making her shiver, then worked his long fingers through her hair and brought her mouth to his for a languid kiss.

“Maybe we should go a couple weeks more often,” she whispered.

He pinched the ticklish spots at her waist, making her jump and giggle. Moving off of him, she stood and offered a hand to pull him up. He accepted and rolled to his feet. A shower to clean up turned into a second round of pleasure when Rafael found himself recovering faster than he expected as Olivia’s soapy hand began stroking him. When the water began to cool, they finally cleaned up for real, dried off and fell into bed; asleep in each other’s arms in minutes.

The afterglow that kept her mood buoyed most of the next day got thrown off the Brooklyn Bridge as she left the courthouse with Amanda following the conclusion of the Fowler case when Andrew Drake pled out and elocuted to what he’d done. A messenger approached her and handed her an envelope with a notice of motion by Sheila Porter requesting a complete financial disclosure and psychological evaluation. Olivia looked at her friend and detective in disbelief.

“She’s trying to challenge my fitness as a parent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ideally, I would like to get this story caught up to current before S20 begins. We'll see if I can meet that goal! Please as always, let me know what you think! And thank you all for following along with my own little Barson world. <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hearing is scheduled in family court and Sheila Porter's appearance causes some problems between Olivia and Rafael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter as I try (in the next four weeks!) to bring this story current with the start of S20. This chapter has some angst that I was on the fence about keeping but my beloved beta, theoofoof, once again helped me see that it worked well with the story and was a plausible plot line. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> As always, none of these wonderful characters belong to me. I'm just grateful to Dick Wolf and NBC for creating them so I can play with them!

After Sheila Porter filed her petition, Judge Linden decided it was in everyone’s best interest to hold a hearing to get everything on the record.

“It’s just a formality, Liv,” Rafael told her after they had tucked Noah into bed the night before the hearing.

The boy had a bad cold, and Olivia was concerned, as she always was when he got a respiratory infection, that it would turn into pneumonia. A cool mist humidifier was running in his room and she’d tucked a wedge beneath his mattress to elevate his head.

“Langan said she’s just covering her bases,” she told him as they settled on the couch and she put the receiver of the baby monitor on the coffee table so they could hear Noah. For now, the only sound coming through the speaker was the the noise of the humidifier.

“But as I told him, we all know Judge Linden fast tracked my adoption.” Her voice was calm but she was holding a throw pillow on her lap, fingers fiddling with the trim around the edge belying her anxiety. Rafael reached over, removed it from her grasp and scooted closer to pull her into his arms.

“Yes, because she wanted to get Noah into a stable, loving home.” He pressed a kiss to her head. “Do you want me to come with you tomorrow?”

Her heart stuttered in her chest at the question. Olivia had thought about this and was on the fence about it. They still hadn’t disclosed their relationship because Rafael wanted to keep it private and she hadn’t argued with him. But the appearance of Sheila Porter had the potential to change everything. For everyone. And if he showed up in family court with her…...

“Liv? Do you want me to come with you?” Rafael repeated his question and she lifted her head to look into his green eyes. “No? Fine.” He started to pull away, her hesitation giving him the answer. She had been the one saying they needed to disclose and now when he wanted to publicly support her as more than a friend and colleague, she didn’t want to reveal their relationship.

“Wait, Rafa. That wasn’t a no,” she said, grasping his arms to keep him from moving.

“You didn’t exactly rush to say yes, either. It’s fine, Liv, I get it. Noah is your son. I’m just…..Uncle Rafa.” He shrugged and this time did pull free from her and stood, looking for his shoes. She jumped up to stand in front of him.

“You’re more than that, and you know it, Rafael. It’s not that I don’t want you there with me, I -- I just don’t know how it would look. Langan would want to know why you’re there, Judge Linden would probably wonder why you were there when Langan is the attorney of record for all this and I don’t even know what Sheila Porter would think.”

He found his shoes under the coffee table and was putting them on as she continued.

“She’s already questioning my fitness as a parent. If she found out I was dating -- a colleague no less -- she and her lawyer could spin it that being with you takes time away from Noah even though that’s a crock. We spend more time together with him than we do alone with each other. I mean, this hardly counts, right?”

“You’re right, this hardly counts,” he bit out.

“Dammit, that’s not what I meant!” she ran her hands through her hair, trying to keep her voice down.

“Wasn’t it, Olivia? I know, I know. This is all _my_ fault, right? You wanted to disclose from the first week and I was the one who wanted to keep our relationship quiet. Now it’s coming back to bite me in the ass because I want to be there in the courtroom with you to stand up against a woman who has appeared in your life after five years, claiming to be your son’s grandmother, challenging your fitness as a parent and wanting to vacate your adoption yet expects to be welcomed with open arms as family.

“I thought we were starting to make a family, Liv. You, me and Noah. But if you’d rather --” he stopped, not being able to finish over the lump of emotion that suddenly appeared in his throat.

Rafael crossed to the coat rack and removed his jacket, slipping it on. She followed him, not knowing what to say, but also not wanting him to leave like this.

“Rafa,” she pleaded, putting out a hand. He took a step that moved him beyond her reach, his own hand going for the doorknob.

“I love you, Olivia. And Noah,” he said softly, his green eyes full of hurt. “I hope tomorrow goes well for you.”

With that, he slipped out of her apartment, closing the door quietly behind him. Olivia stared at the door for a moment, her mind awhirl when she heard the sound of Noah coughing coming from the monitor. She pushed the conversation from her mind and went to take care of her son.

The next day she walked into the family courtroom alone after a long, sleepless night. Not because of Noah, who actually had a pretty good night and was feeling better when he woke up, but because she tossed and turned, thinking about the argument she and Rafael had. Before she left the apartment, her son asked if he would see Uncle Rafa that night. All she could honestly tell him was she wasn’t sure.

Olivia wasn’t the only one feeling the effects of little sleep that morning. Rafael sat at his desk, cradling his third cup of coffee, staring at his phone. There was a text written but as yet unsent on the screen. He’d typed it after the second cup of coffee.

**_I’m sorry about last night. Today is about Noah. Not the time for the big reveal. Although I would have liked to see the look on Langan’s face. You know he still thinks he has a chance with you. I’m with you in spirit. Please call me when the hearing is over. I love you._ **

He looked at his watch. The hearing was about to begin. He couldn’t let her face that homewrecker without knowing he was still — would always be — on her side. He pressed send.

They were sat waiting for Judge Linden to enter the room when her phone vibrated in her blazer. Wanting to make sure it wasn’t Lucy about Noah, she pulled it out and held it in her lap to read. Her heart gave a little flutter when she saw it was from Rafael. She bit back a smile at his comment about Langan and sidled a glance at the attorney beside her before slipping the phone back into her pocket as the judge came in. They’d only ever gone to dinner once. He’d suggested a celebratory meal shortly after she adopted Noah. Olivia hadn’t even realized his intentions until she arrived at the restaurant and was shown to a secluded table. She’d had to gently decline a second invitation, using work as an excuse, but knowing there was another lawyer who was working on stealing her heart. Ever since the first time he’d come to her apartment so she could tell him about Johnny D being Noah’s birth father and he held the child at arm’s length, before deciding he wasn’t going to explode and for a moment she caught a wistful look on his face as he gazed at him. She sighed silently. They needed to have another discussion about disclosing their relationship. Keeping secrets that Sheila Porter could uncover would only strengthen her case against Olivia.

The woman's voice broke through her thoughts in the courtroom when she told Judge Linden she had “serious reservations about Ms. Benson’s ability to parent”. Her stomach dropped when the judge, who had been the one to suggest she be Noah’s foster mother looked at her from across the room. Olivia wondered if the woman could seriously entertain doubts about her parenting skills.

“She’s a stranger to me. To Noah,” Olivia told the judge. But in the end, to her utter disbelief, Linden allowed her file for visitation

Rafael waited most of the day for her to call and update him on the hearing with Judge Linden and was starting to think it was all over when Carmen delivered a message while he was on another call that Olivia wanted him at the precinct about a case. Seeing her for work was better than not seeing her at all and he rushed over. But she was all business at first, filling him in on the Emma Lawrence case. Finally she closed the door and turned to face him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. We’ve been busy with this,” she said. He waived her explanation away.

“How was the hearing?” He didn’t care about Emma Lawrence -- or whoever she was -- right now. He wanted to know what happened in family court.

“The judge let her file for visitation,” Olivia crossed to the couch in her office and sank down on it, her shoulders slumping. He sat beside her, mindful that the blinds behind them were open and took her hand, holding it on his thigh. When she didn’t pull away, his heart gave a thump of hope. All was not lost.

“I used to think I knew what was best for Noah. But as he gets older…..I’m doubting myself at every turn.” She looked into his eyes and he saw confusion and fear and need. Need for reassurance.

“You can trust your instincts. You’ve done pretty good following them so far, haven’t you?” He gave her hand a squeeze and leaned toward her just enough that their shoulders were touching. “From what I’ve heard about raising kids it doesn’t get any easier.”

They’d had a similar conversation during the Mandy Fowler case, about parenting teenagers. It was the first time they’d talked about parenting Noah together in the future. She smiled at him.

“I wish you’d been there this morning,” Olivia said softly, leaning more into him, and he knew it was time to talk about disclosing their relationship.

***********

“This is a bad idea.” Rafael was pacing between her couch and the stools at the counter, while Olivia worked in the kitchen on the other side.

“Keep your voice down. I don’t want Noah to hear you,” she hissed, and continued in low tone after turning to face him. “I don’t like this any more than you do, but I don’t have a choice, do I? Judge Linden allowed her to file for visitation but I’d rather not deal with her in the courthouse and visitation rooms. If she wants to see Noah it’s going to be where he’s comfortable.”

“No, no. I know,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration.

Walking around the counter to stand in front of him and grasping his suspenders to try and ground herself, Olivia leaned her forehead against his. She felt like her life was spinning out of control.

“You should go. What if she’s early?”

Sheila was coming over to meet Noah that evening. After some soul searching and long conversations with Rafael, Dr. Lindstrom and even a phone call to Don Cragen in Florida, Olivia had decided to take the less formal route and invite her over to meet her grandson. First, however, it required a mother-son conversation that she had hoped to put off until Noah was at least into a double digit age. It had been hard enough the year before when, after seeing a classmates’ mother pregnant and learning there was a baby growing in the woman’s tummy, asked if he had grown in hers. She gave the simplest explanation that she could, telling him that he had grown in another lady’s tummy but that lady hadn’t been able to take care of him when he was born so she adopted him and became his Momma. He accepted her answer and hadn’t mentioned it since. Rafael was right. Ellie may have given him life but _she_ was his mother in all the ways that mattered. But now she needed to explain to him about his grandmother.

She started by asking him if he knew what a grandmother or grandma was. He said it was someone older than your mom who baked cookies and read stories and took you places and bought you presents. Olivia had to bite her lip to keep from laughing but she had laughed out loud when she repeated the encounter to Rafael.

“He’s not wrong,” the man said, his green eyes twinkling.

She told him she refrained from telling Noah that his grandmother was likely younger (or the same age) as she was. What she did tell him was that he had a grandmother who wanted to meet him if it was all with right him. Visions of cookies and presents in his head, Noah said it was. Now that moment was minutes away and Olivia felt sick. She hoped the pot of tea she was making to put out with a plate of cookies would help calm her stomach. It was like a tea party, Noah had said earlier before she sent him to his room to change clothes.

“I know, I’m going.” Rafael put his hands on her shoulders and fixed her with his intense green gaze. “Don’t leave them alone,” he instructed. “Listen to every word she says to him.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she assured him, then pressed a kiss to his lips. “Thanks again for the flowers.”

He looked over to the vase of sunflowers he’d sent her as an additional apology for acting like an ass the other night. The card, which was tucked away in Olivia’s pocket read, _“Sunflowers, because you and Noah bring light to my life.”_

“You’re welcome.” He kissed her back. “Again.”

She stepped back from him and raised her voice to call to her son. “Noah! Uncle Rafa is leaving. Come say goodbye.”

The boy came running from his room and Rafael knelt down to catch him in a hug.

“Are you sure you can’t stay for the tea party?” he asked.

“Not this time,” the man told him. “Do you remember I probably won’t see you for a little while? You need to be good and take care of your mom and keep Eddie in line, okay?”

They had told Noah he had a lot of work to do and wouldn’t be coming over as much for a few weeks. This was mostly to prevent Noah from mentioning him to Sheila until they could address the other elephant in the room: disclosing. That was top on Rafael’s list as soon as they could get some time alone, even if it required paying Lucy overtime or asking Amanda to take the boy

“I will, Uncle Rafa. Will you come for spaghetti night as soon as all your work is over?”

“ _Si, mijo._ I will.” Rafael kissed the curls on top of his head, released him and stood. He and Olivia’s eyes met over the child between them. This was going to be hard. Noah had gotten used to having him around. _She_ had gotten used to having him around. But at least she would still see him at work. It wouldn’t be the same, though.

She walked him to door and snuck in one more kiss. “Text me after she leaves,” he whispered.

It seemed like he had been gone only moments when there was a knock at the door and once again, Sheila Porter stood on her doorstep. Only this time, she had to let her in.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah and Sheila Porter meet for the first time, Olivia and Rafael disagree about how much Sheila should be involved in the child's life and they finally decide to disclose their relationship!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a long lovely chapter for you that incorporates several episodes from S19 and ends right before Gone Baby Gone. You may notice some familiar dialogue. I have borrowed it from those episodes and that belongs exclusively to NBC and its writers. You may also notice some other familiar scenes. I pulled my Something Happened post ep and my missing scene from Intent from my Barson Bits collection and modified them a little to better fit this work. Apologies for any typos. It's late and I'm fading but I wanted to get this up for you all. I will fix any as I find them once it's posted.

Olivia had a vague sense of unease as she let the woman into the apartment; the old legend that a vampire couldn’t enter your home unless you invited him, surfacing momentarily in the back of her mind. Pushing it away and pasting a smile on her face, she turned to her son and introduced him to his grandmother.

All in all, the visit -- or tea party, as Noah kept calling it -- went well. The boy appeared to be comfortable around his grandmother and to her credit, Sheila let him take the lead with conversation. He asked her if she made cookies and the woman said she did and that her daughter’s favorite were chocolate chip. Olivia shot her a warning glance that her son didn’t notice.

“Chocolate chip is my favorite too!” Noah said, reminding Olivia of the ones he and Rafael had brought home the weekend of their first date when he took the boy and went grocery shopping for her.

Olivia allowed Sheila to read Noah a story while she quickly cleaned up, then went to stand in the doorway, a dish towel over her shoulder. The other woman was tucking him in when the boy asked for Eddie. Sheila turned around and hesitated, reaching out toward the herd of stuffed animals on a nearby shelf. Liv stepped into the room and handed her the elephant with a quiet “this is Eddie” and Sheila flashed her a grateful smile. The two women returned to the living area and Olivia was wondering if she was going to have keep making small talk when her phone rang.

“Benson. Okay, I’ll be right there.”

She hung up and her fingers hovered over the screen. Rafael or Lucy? But they had told Noah he wouldn’t be seeing the lawyer for a while. What if he woke up or she was at the precinct all night? It wouldn’t be fair to the boy. With a suppressed sigh, she pressed Lucy’s number.

Olivia was uncharacteristically distracted during the squad's new case, thinking about Sheila’s visit and how afraid she still was the woman would be able to take Noah from her. It didn’t help when Natalie Curtis’ mother told her to hold her son close. Nor did it help that Natalie reminded her of Ellie and then she got a call from Sheila. Remembering her words to Rafael -- whom she had not seen since that night at her apartment -- that if she had to allow Sheila access to Noah she wanted to be on her terms, agreed to meet her. To her surprise, the woman handed her a child-sized baseball glove, explaining it was Ellie’s and she wanted Noah to have it.

“I haven’t told him about Ellie yet. It’s too complicated a story for a five year old,” Olivia told her, but said she would think about giving Noah the glove.

Back at the precinct Amanda asked her how Sheila was. Olivia shrugged.

“Am I too quick judge people?” she asked her friend, who quirked an inquiring eyebrow. “Sheila,” Olivia continued, “she’s not the witch I wanted her to be.”

She and Rafael got to see each other briefly when he went to the judge to get Lux, the treatment facility where Natalie Curtis had been a resident, to release her medical records. Unfortunately, her parents had transferred parental rights to the facility that weren’t terminated when she died.

“Sometimes on its way to fair the law misses right,” Rafael told her. Like allowing Sheila Porter to petition for visitation rights, he added silently.

That evening Olivia had just settled herself under the covers when her phone lit up with an incoming text.

 

**_Sorry we didn’t get much time today. How was the tea party?_ **

_-Noah liked her. She’s not the witch I want her to be._

**_Are you letting him see her again?_ **

_-She’s asked to take him to the movies._

**_Alone?!_ **

_-I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, Rafa._

**_Did you run a background check on her?_ **

_-I’m not doing that. Besides I’m sure one was done when she petitioned for visitation._

**_I’m not going to argue with you._ **

**_I miss you. What are you doing?_ **

_-I miss you too. Just got into bed._

_-Is it weird that I haven’t washed the pillowcase you slept on the last time you were here?_

_-It smells like you._

**_That made me smile. Wish I had something of yours._ **

_-I could slip a pair of panties into your pocket next time I see you._

 

Rafael threw his head back and laughed out loud, the sound echoing off the high ceilings of his apartment.

 

**_And have them fall out in Judge Barth’s courtroom? Much as I’d like it, probably not a good idea._ **

_-Let me know if you change your mind. I know you like the ones I wore on our first date. (a winking emoji accompanied her words)_

 

Now the sound that filled his apartment was a low groan as he remembered her standing in his bedroom in nothing but those panties and stockings. He shifted in his chair as his body responded to the memory.

 

**_You’re not playing fair, Lieutenant._ **

_-No, this isn’t playing fair, Counselor._

 

The next instant his screen was filled with a photo of the panties in question, dangling from her finger.

 

**_Olivia….._ **

_-Rafa?_

**_I think it’s time to say goodnight before this gets out of hand._ **

**_Lunch tomorrow?_ **

_-Unless something happens._

 

Something did happen: her squad caught a case that turned into one of the longest days Olivia Benson had in more than a decade. Laurel Linwood entered her precinct as a rape victim and left it as a murder suspect.

She had texted him to cancel their lunch plans with a brief explanation of the case, but it was late that night when he was summoned to the precinct with the news that Laurel was now a suspect in the stabbing death of the man she’d met at a bar the night before. He arrived as she was talking to the woman in the interrogation room and stood next to Carisi on the outside of the one way mirror, watching and listening as Olivia told her how she had beaten William Lewis with an iron bar.

“Did you kill him?” asked Laurel.

“No.”

Later, he watched with Fin, as Laurel questioned Olivia about her father. When the lieutenant told her she never even knew her father, Fin said,

“We need to stop this.”

“She knows what she’s doing,” Rafael replied, not moving from where he stood with his arms resting on the ledge outside the one-way mirror, eyes trained on the woman he loved; hoping he was correct, and she wasn’t re-opening a wound that, as far as he knew was well healed.

Fin opened the door and tried to draw her out, but she put him off with a firm, “Not now.” Then to both men’s shock, she crossed to the window, turned off the speaker and closed the blinds, flashing whomever was on the other side a glare. Rafael wasn’t sure if she knew he was there or not. He straightened and exchanged frustrated glances with the detective, not knowing what she was up to, shutting them out like that. He suspected it was her way of punishing Fin for interrupting.

A while later, she emerged to get a bottle of water from the vending machine and her squad hit her from all sides. They were concerned about their lieutenant’s mental and physical well being. They could see this was taking its toll on her.

“Think you’re done, Liv,” said Fin.

“I can take over,” offered Amanda.

She told her she couldn’t get her to say word one before and asked Carisi if he knew what happened in that apartment when he said Laurel was a close to confessing as she was going to get.

Rafael had positioned himself blocking the door to the interrogation room, hoping he would able to get her to stop the questioning or at least let her detectives take over. She looked exhausted. He wanted to lead her away, take her home and tuck her into bed and hold her while she slept. He got as close to her as he could without touching her; in fact, he had to keep his arms crossed to keep from doing so. Even after the long hours, he could smell the delicate scent of her shampoo.

“It’s not worth it, Liv,” he said quietly, looking into her brown eyes that returned his gaze stubbornly.

“It’s just another case,” she replied, brushing past him into the room and closing the door behind her.

*******

“Do it,” said the attorney through clenched teeth hearing the woman’s words of admission.

He and Fin watched while Rollins and Carisi went into the interrogation room and escorted Laurel out. Olivia remained seated at the table, not moving, listening as their footfalls faded and the door clanged behind them.

The detective nodded toward the woman. “Been a long night for her,” he said and turned to follow the others down the hall.

As she sat there, the sun rose high enough to peek through the blinds at the windows opposite her. Olivia felt the warmth on her face and closed her eyes; the adrenaline that had kept her going all night finally giving way to exhaustion. She almost didn’t hear the door open behind her. Then she heard the click of expensive men’s dress shoes on the concrete floor and the familiar subtle smell of his cologne. Before she could open her eyes or turn her head, she felt his hands on her shoulders.

“She played me, Rafael.” The words were spoken so quietly he almost didn’t hear them. She repeated them, louder. “She fucking played me. I got pulled in and played by a fake victim.”

Olivia didn’t swear often, but when she did, she meant it. A small fire of anger was building in her toward the woman with whom she had spent almost 24 hours; talking to, comforting, sharing things about her own life. Picking the scab off a wound that she thought had healed. Making her shut out her team and the man she loved to try and solve the mystery. Barba moved to stand beside her, keeping one hand on her shoulder, using his other hand to tip her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. Dark brown eyes looked into green and he saw the tiredness and regret for letting Laurel draw her into sharing such intimate details in hers. _We’re getting too old for this shit,_ he thought.

“She’s a real victim, Liv. Just not one you could help. She may have gone home with him because of her daddy issues, but she knew what she was doing when she stabbed that innocent man to death in his sleep.”

Olivia took in his appearance and wondered if he realized he had forgotten to put on a tie. She could count on one hand the number of times he’d been in her precinct without one. She sighed deeply, and stood up so they were eye to eye, wanting more than anything to melt into his embrace. He smiled that little half smile that he gave her alone, and she knew he felt the same way.

“Let’s get you home,” he said, taking her arm and steering her toward the door. “I think you’re allowed to take the day off, all things considered.”

In her office, he helped with her coat and held out the bag Carisi had put there the morning before. Then they walked outside where he hailed a cab. As he opened the door for her, she looked at him and spoke for the first time since her earlier statement.

“You’re coming, right?” It was a small, tired voice. It had been a long time since he’d heard her sound like that.

He slid in next to her and closed the door. Then in the privacy of the cab, put an arm around her and said, “Wild horses couldn’t prevent it, _mi amor.”_

The term of endearment and embrace was her undoing, and she turned her face into his shoulder and let the tears of anger and exhaustion flow. Putting his other arm around, he stroked her back while the cab made its way through the morning traffic. But the time they reached her apartment her eyes were dry, and he took out his handkerchief to wipe her face, before they climbed out.

“If Lucy’s already taken Noah to school, we can go get him,” he offered.

She shook her head. She needed a shower and sleep, in that order. As much as she loved her son, she knew the second thing wouldn’t last long if he was home. Rafael unlocked the apartment door and Olivia headed straight for the bedroom. By the time he joined her, she had stripped and had water running. He smiled, picking up the clothes she’d dropped on the floor. In the shower, she stood under the water, letting the heat relax the muscles in her shoulders and back. When she emerged from the bathroom, she pulled on a pair of underwear and her favorite T-shirt that was his but had found its way into her drawer. As she was fluffing her damp hair, he appeared in the doorway.

“Ready for a nap?” he asked. He too, had changed out of the clothes he’d worn all night. “I let everyone know we won’t be back until tomorrow.”

He settled himself against the pillows on the bed and pulled her to lay beside him. Olivia put her head on his shoulder closed her eyes. He picked up her hand that lay on his chest and kissed it. _They needed to disclose their relationship._ He needed to be able to touch her, comfort her; without having to run out of their workplaces. Pulling a soft cover over the both of them, he held her close as she drifted off to sleep. Rafael, however, lay there thinking about what Jack McCoy would say if he told him about his and Olivia’s relationship. Like he did for court, he went over the conversation in his head. Every statement he could make and McCoy’s possible responses. One of them he imagined was would he, Rafael, be willing to transfer out of the sex crimes division to avoid a conflict of interest. He knew his answer: in a heartbeat. He would never ask Olivia to give up her life’s work; something she had poured her heart and soul into for almost twenty years, regardless of how much cases like Laurel Linwood’s took out of her. Reaching to the nightstand where he’d put his phone, he sent an email to McCoy’s assistant, requesting a meeting. Then he relaxed into the pillows and pulled Olivia closer, pressing a kiss on the top of her head.

Olivia slept for several hours and woke feeling better, if not completely refreshed. She was pleasantly surprised to see that Rafael had stayed the whole time. Not able to sleep himself, he’d eventually sat up in the bed when she shifted away from him and had been catching up on emails, occasionally casting a loving glance her way. When she awoke and rolled over to see him there, she smiled happily.

“Thank you,” she said after catlike stretch that pulled her shirt up over her hips, revealing her underwear and a patch of skin above them that made Rafael want to lean over and press his lips to it.

“For what?”

“Staying. I know we’d agreed --”

“I have an appointment with McCoy tomorrow,” he said. “I’m going to tell him about us.”

Her eyes widened and she pushed herself to a sitting position.

“Rafa, I’m okay with waiting. Especially now with Sheila --”

“I don’t care about Sheila,” he interrupted again. “We can figure out what to do about her, but I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to have to hide in your apartment or mine or drive to a different county or state to be able to touch you or kiss you. I had to cross my arms last night to keep from touching you outside that interrogation room.

He took her hands in his, his green eyes intense.

“I love you, Olivia Benson, and I want the whole world to know. I want to be able to ask you over the phone if you want me to pick up Noah from school. I want to see your squad roll their eyes when I kiss you goodbye in your office. I want to take you and Noah to Sunday brunch with my mother. If I have to be a prosecutor in a different division, I’ll do it. I just don’t want us to be a secret any longer. Discreet, yes, but not a secret.”

She swallowed the lump of emotion that had formed in her throat listening to his declaration, then nodded.

“I’ll go see Dodds tomorrow, too.”

The next morning, Rafael stood outside Jack McCoy’s door, more nervous than he’d been the first time he set foot in a courtroom. He knocked on the glass and received a command to enter.  The DA sat behind his desk. Looking up, he removed his reading glasses and smiled.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Rafael?”

The younger man licked his lips, and jumped right in.

“Jack, Lt. Olivia Benson and I -- “

He was interrupted by a bark of laughter which made him frown, a flash of anger chasing away any nervousness.

“Hell, is that all? It’s about time you decided to come to me. Is she at 1PP right now too? When you said it was important, I thought you were coming to tell me something bad, not something everyone has known for years.”

“What? You knew?” Rafael sputtered.

McCoy shrugged. “Maybe not known, but certainly suspected. You’d have to be blind not to. It was written all over your faces any time you were around each other. How long? I mean, I know almost since you two met, but how long have you been together?”

“Since May.” Rafael’s heart lightened as he said the words. He didn’t realize how much it had weighed on him; the DA not knowing, since if anything had happened with a case he and Olivia worked on together and their relationship discovered it could have caused a verdict to be overturned and a perpetrator set free.

“And do you feel like there could have been any conflicts of interest during that time?” McCoy asked.

Rafael shook his head. “No, sir.”

At 1PP, Olivia was answering a similar question with the same answer.

When she left, she stopped inside the front doors and sent Rafael a text.

 

- _How did it go with McCoy?_

**_As good as yours with Dodds judging by the look on your face._ **

 

Her head shot up to look through the glass doors and see him standing on the other side. She smiled broadly and pocketed her phone, striding toward him. Rafael pulled open a door and she walked out into the November sunshine. He was smiling back at her. They walked a short distance from the entrance before he took her arm and stopped her. He was still smiling. He felt like he couldn’t stop.

“I need to do something.”

“What?”

“This.” He took a step closer, his body casting a shadow over hers, his green eyes looking deep into hers and Olivia knew what he was going to do. She placed a hand on the lapel of his wool overcoat and leaned in to meet his lips with her own. It was a chaste kiss that didn’t last long, but knowing they were free to do it outside 1PP or on the courthouse steps if they wanted, made it just as intimate as if they were alone.

Olivia coasted on that feeling all day and even Sheila Porter couldn’t dampen it. They met outside her building when she brought Noah home. She thanked her for picking him up from school and invited the other woman for dinner, but she declined. As she and Noah headed for the door, the boy commented that he wished he’d gotten to meet Ellie, because his grandmother had told him Ellie loved him so much and that ebullient mood deflated as quickly as a balloon cut with a pair of scissors.

Noah walked on to pull open the door of their building, oblivious to the bombshell he’d just dropped on his mother, who was still standing there, mouth hanging open. She hurried after him, brain whirling as she tried to process what he’d just said. Surely Sheila hadn’t told him about Ellie? But clearly she had, otherwise why would he have mentioned it. Her. _What had Sheila said about Ellie? Should she ask Noah or just let it drop?_ She started to dial Rafael’s number in the elevator but remembered she had no signal in the metal box. As soon as the doors opened and they stepped into the hallway she hit send.

“Barba.” For a moment she smiled. He answered the phone the same way, even when he knew the caller.

“Rafa — hang on, Noah, let me unlock the door sweetie — sorry about that. We’re just getting home.” She closed the door behind them and took Noah’s backpack to hang on the hook nearby.

“What’s wrong? You sound upset.”

“You could say that,” she paused for a moment and then spoke to her son. “Why don’t you go change your clothes while I start dinner?” He ran down the hall to his room and she put the phone back to her ear.

“You won’t believe what Noah said.”

“Liv, he’s five years old. He says a lot of things I don’t believe,” he replied and she could hear the smirk in his voice.

Olivia lowered her voice, just in case the boy came back while she was talking.

“He told me he wished he could have met Ellie. He said Sheila told him that Ellie loved him so much.”

“Jesus, Liv. When did she tell him that?”

“Today. She picked him up after school.” She ran her hand through her hair. “What do I do? Just drop it with Noah? Talk to Sheila?”

“Do you want me to come over?” he asked.

“Please? Noah would love to see you.”

“See who? Grandma Sheila?” a small voice asked at her elbow.

“Better. Do you want Uncle Rafa to come for dinner?”

“YES!”

“There’s your answer,” Olivia said into the phone.

“I’ll be right over,” he said. “With dessert.”

Noah was overjoyed to see him again, especially bearing their favorite chocolate chip cookies.

“Is your work done, now? Will you be coming over more again?” the boy asked between bites of his dinner; even vegetables being eaten without protest to get to the cookies.

The adults exchanged glances over his head, each remembering their meetings that morning.

“Yes, Uncle Rafa will be coming over more again.” Olivia beat him to the answer, reaching over to give his hand a squeeze.

After Noah was bathed, a story read, the squad fed and the tuck in ritual completed, the adults retreated to the sofa, happy to be back to their familiar evening routine. Both had missed spending evenings together.

“Those fish have grown. They need a bigger tank,” Rafael said from his corner, feet stretched out on the coffee table.

“You won him those fish, you’re in charge of their habitat,” Olivia replied, plopping down beside him, curling her legs beneath her.

“So what are you going to do about Sheila mentioning Ellie?”

She sighed, and leaned her head against his shoulder.

“I don’t know.”

“Does she know you haven’t told Noah he’s adopted?”

“Yes. I specifically told her I hadn’t.”

“Then tell her again. And stop letting her have unsupervised visits.”

“Rafa, if I stop doing that, she’s going to re-petition for visitation. She dropped that when I started letting her take him to her apartment and pick him up from school.”

Their conversation was still on her mind as she and Amanda walked along the sidewalk to Katy Miller’s apartment the next day.

“You don’t look happy,” said her detective.

“It shows? I don’t know if things are going to work out with Sheila and me,” Olivia told her. “You know, I’ve never had what you would call a normal family life. It would just be nice if somebody had my back.”

“You know we got your back here,” Amanda told her. “And so does Barba, right?”

“He does. We just don’t quite see eye to eye about Sheila. He thinks I shouldn’t let Noah anywhere near her.”

Olivia invited Sheila for dinner to talk to her and set some ground rules. Rafael, ever protective, asked if she wanted him there. She declined, saying she could handle it. After Noah had been put to bed, she said to the other woman,

“Noah asked me about Ellie. I specifically told you I hadn’t told him yet.”

The other woman was apologetic and said she just said it without thinking. But Olivia wasn’t done. What was your plan, she asked, if he asked you what happened to her or why she gave him up.

“Noah’s family -- your family is complicated,” she told her. “When he’s old enough and he’s ready, he’ll hear the truth,” she added. “But until then, you need to discuss these things with me first.”

Sheila agreed, apologizing again, and said she just wanted this to work. Olivia said she could forgive her and that she did too. After she’d gone, she called Rafael.

“How’d she take it?” he asked.

“I don’t know. She said she was sorry, and she wants this -- whatever this is  -- to work.”

“You’ve been giving her the benefit of the doubt so far. Just trust your instincts, _mi amor._ ”

“I thought you didn’t trust her?”

“I don’t. But I trust you.”

She laughed. “I love you.”

The Heather Purcell trial began and they found it hard to find a moment alone. One afternoon Olivia tracked him down at Forlini’s where he was sat, jacket off, tie loosened, with his legal pad before him, scratching notes for cross examination. His hair was adorably disheveled; like he’d been running his hands through it while he thought.

He saw her approach. “Shouldn’t you be on mother duty?” he asked with a loving laugh, but glad to see her.

“Grandma took Noah to the movies and now they’re getting pizza,” she told him, as she finished something on her phone.

“He’s a lucky kid,” Rafael said.

“He is indeed.”

“He ended up in the right zip code with the right people.”

The conversation shifted to the case and she found herself getting frustrated when he told her no motive meant no story for the jury. That Heather Purcell didn’t have a malicious bone in her body. He told her if he was on that jury he’d vote to acquit out of pity alone. Then Carisi appeared with new evidence that pointed toward the fact Heather had acted with criminal intent.

“The human body has a lot of bones,” Rafael said.

Once the detective left, Olivia turned to the lawyer beside her and said quietly,

“You know, Noah should be with Sheila for at least another two hours.”

“Lieutenant Benson, are you suggesting we take our conversation about this case somewhere else?” He quirked an eyebrow at her, speaking just as softly.

She lifted one shoulder in a brief shrug and swiveled on the bar stool so her knee just barely brushed against his, and placed a hand on his forearm which was distractingly bare from his sleeves being rolled up.

“If you want to.”

“Sure.” He pulled some bills from his wallet and put them down on the bar to cover his tab.

She slid off the stool and waited for him to put the legal pad and gold pen back in his briefcase and pick up his suit jacket that had been on the seat beside him. Rafael allowed her to exit the restaurant ahead of him, his hand resting on the small of her back. Outside, Oliva pointed to an Uber that was waiting at the curb to take them back to her place and walked over to open the door and slide over on the seat so he could get in beside her.

“You had this planned,” he accused with a smile.

“Since I heard about the early recess,” she admitted.

In the car, Rafael threaded his fingers with hers and rested their hands on his leg. She smiled and leaned her shoulder so it was touching his.

“I’ve missed you,” she said, lifting his hand to kiss his fingers. “Sheila is taking him shopping tomorrow. She thinks he needs a new winter coat.”

“Does he?”

“He is growing like a weed. Last year’s is short in the sleeves.”

“If the judge had let me finish today, it might have gone to the jury tomorrow,” he said, “and we could have done something.”

“If the judge had let you finish today, we wouldn’t have Carisi’s new evidence,” she reminded him as the car pulled up in front of her apartment.

“Fair enough. But no more work talk.” He kissed her hard on the mouth, before opening the door, getting out and helping her exit the car.

They managed to keep their hands to themselves in the elevator, but inside her apartment his were at her waist, pulling her blouse from her pants while she shrugged off her coat. Then she was pushing his from his shoulders, to access his suspenders and shove them down his arms, the whole time they were kissing with abandon. His hands found their way beneath her blouse and up her back to unhook her bra. Olivia gave up trying to unbutton her blouse and just pulled it off over her head, tossing it aside. As the cool air of the apartment hit her bare skin, a thread of sanity made its way into her brain.

“Wait, wait,” she panted, as Rafael was nipping at her neck and his hands had snaked under the cups of her bra to palm her breasts. “Bedroom. Can’t leave clothes on the floor out here for Noah or Sheila to find.”

The mention of Sheila’s name momentarily doused water on the flames of his ardor and he stilled his caresses. He turned his head to look for his jacket and her blouse, grabbing them from the floor and following her down the hall to her bedroom.

By the time Noah and Sheila returned from their movie and pizza date, Olivia and Rafael were seated on the couch, with case files and their own pizza box on the coffee table. He was wrapping up his cross examination notes.

“Momma, we’re home! The movie was so good -- Uncle Rafa!” The boy ran across the room and threw himself at the man.

Olivia stood up. “Sheila, I’d like you meet Rafael Barba. He’s the ADA -- assistant district attorney for the Special Victims Unit.”

Rafael stood as well, Noah on his hip as the boy hadn’t let go of him, and extended his hand.

“Ms. Porter, it’s nice to meet you. Olivia has told me a lot about you.”

“Sheila, please. I’ve heard your name but I didn’t realize you were the Uncle Rafa Noah talks about all the time,” she said. “It’s nice to meet you as well. Noah, I had a very nice time today. I’ll be back to get you tomorrow to go shopping.” She looked at Olivia. “Is 9 o’clock all right?”

The other woman nodded. “If I’m not here, Lucy will be. Noah, say good night to Grandma Sheila and thank her for taking you to the movies and dinner.”

Noah slid from Rafael’s arms and went to give his grandmother a hug. “Thank you Grandma Sheila. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night little man. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you to the door,” Olivia said. When the two woman reached the entryway, Sheila looked at her and said with a knowing smile,

“I think it’s good for Noah to have a male role model in his life. And he’s quite attractive too.”

With that she slipped out the door, leaving Olivia standing there open mouthed. Still a little surprised at Sheila’s comments, she returned to the the living room where Noah was in negotiations for the number of bedtime stories.

“Let’s ask the judge for the final verdict,” Rafael said to Noah and looked at her. “How many stories can we have tonight?”

“I think just two,” his mother told him. “You have a busy day tomorrow with Grandma Sheila.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. Please let me know what you think! There were a few parts that made me giggle and some that made me a little mushy as I wrote them. I am not going to make my objective of getting this story current before the S20 premiere next week, but maybe, just maybe, I'll get another chapter out before the 27th. No promises.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sheila abducts Noah, and Olivia, Rafael and her squad race to find them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my take on the Gone Baby Gone episode. Most of it holds to canon, with a few divergences. If you recognize any lines, those are borrowed and belong to NBC and its writers.

“Well, that was interesting,” Olivia said as she and Rafael settled into bed that night after Noah was tucked in. “What Sheila said.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to continue.

“She said it was good for Noah to have a male role model in his life and -- “ she paused, drawing back the covers and sliding between the cool sheets.

“And?”

“And she said you were ‘quite attractive’”. She smiled at him. “I wasn’t expecting that from her.”

“What that I’m attractive? Jealous, lieutenant?” He drew her down to lay with her head on his shoulder.

“No, that she thought it was good you are part of Noah’s life. Maybe she’s realizing me adopting Noah isn’t as bad a thing as she first thought.” Olivia snuggled against his side and bent a leg across his, tucking her foot between his calves.

“Your feet are cold, Benson,” he said. Then, “Or maybe she’s just trying to lull you into a sense of complacency while she waits to drop the other shoe.”

“I’m the cop. I’m supposed to be the suspicious one,” she poked his ribs where she knew he was ticklish, making him squirm.

“Guess I’ve been hanging out with you too long, then.” He rolled them so that she was on her back. Olivia grinned at him and wound her arms around his neck, enjoying the feel of his weight pressing her into the mattress. “But what do I have to do to get you to stop talking?”

“Give me your best argument, counselor.”

In the morning, she kissed Rafael goodbye before he headed to the courthouse in hopes the jury would come back with a verdict in the Heather Purcell case and made her way to the precinct after Sheila picked up Noah for their shopping adventure. He called her shortly after she arrived to let her know Purcell had been found guilty and they agreed to meet for a celebratory lunch. Those plans, however, were derailed when Sheila called to tell her Noah had disappeared from the department store where they were shopping.

Olivia rushed to the Mall of Manhattan with Fin driving, far too slowly for her liking, even with lights and sirens. Clinging to a tenuous fibre of self control, she ordered mall security to shut down the building while Rollins and Carisi started showing Noah’s photo around to the holiday shoppers. Fin, meanwhile, was fielding a call from Dodds who ordered Olivia off the case. Sheila kept apologizing, telling Olivia it was all her fault and that she should have held his hand.

“Yes, you should have,” she snapped and stalked away on trembling legs, pressing the pre-programmed icon for Rafael’s number. He answered the call sitting at his desk reviewing some emails and phone messages, jacket off and tie loosened after returning from the courthouse.

“Liv, hey.”

“Rafa, Noah’s missing!” 

“What?”

“The mall -- the mall where Sheila took him shopping. He’s missing. I’m afraid someone took him, Rafa!” her voice cracked and he knew she was barely holding it together.

“I’m on my way.”

He’d been on his feet after her first three words, reaching for his jacket, his heart in his throat. Deep down he knew she was right; someone had taken her son. Noah wasn’t the kind of child to wander off. But he wasn’t going to tell her that. Before he could get a car from the courthouse to the mall, she texted him that she had gone to Sheila’s apartment, which was not far from the mall, on the off chance he had wandered away from the store, gotten lost and gone there. She also had Lucy checking his school and the nearby playgrounds, although she wasn’t sure how he would get there on his own. He replied that he would meet her back at the precinct when she said there was no sign of him at Sheila’s place while Amanda and Carisi were chasing down a bus headed for Pennsylvania that was stopped in traffic backed up from an accident. Neither Noah nor the man they saw leading him from the mall were on it.

Olivia arrived there and put Sheila in an interview room to look at mugshots on the off chance she recognized a face from the mall. She had just walked back in the squad room when she saw Rafael approaching and felt a wave of relief knowing he was there and wanted to fling herself into his arms. But, disclosed or not, she needed to maintain her composure in front of her detectives. Before he could say a word to her, she said, “Please don’t tell me it’s going to be okay,” then turned to walk into her office.

After hearing Rollins tell him with as many years Olivia had on the job, the probability of it being related to that was high, he followed her into her office, a muttered curse on his lips. She stood with her back to the window behind her desk and told him how she now realized how ridiculous it was to tell parents to stay calm. He could see the panic he felt in his chest reflected in her eyes _. _ In the last seven months he’d come to love Noah as much as he did his mother and the thought of him being in the hands of a stranger -- all the child sex abuse cases he’d prosecuted came flooding back and he felt nauseated and enraged. And helpless. Utterly helpless. Seven years of college education and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to help her find Noah.

“I don’t know what to do,” he told her and then blurted the next thing that came to mind. “Um, do you want some coffee?”

It was the first he’d spoken to her since arriving and the simple sound of his voice was her undoing. Her knees buckled and she sobbed, “I just want my son!”

Without hesitation, he dove to prevent her from falling and pulled her into his arms. He didn’t care who saw them or what they thought. All that mattered was the woman he loved. Olivia rested her head on his shoulder and felt the roughness of his wool overcoat against her cheek, smelled the familiar scent of his cologne and allowed herself to relax into the strength of his arms. It gave her the fortitude to pull herself together, straighten and push her hair from her face. Rafael offered his omni-present handkerchief and she wiped her face, holding it to her nose when she realized it too, smelled like him. He caressed her hair and gave her his half smile.  _ It was going to be all right, _ he thought. They would find Noah and bring him home. The two of them together. Things moved quickly after they discovered that Sheila had purchased the car seat the stranger on the video buckled Noah into and that she had emptied her bank account. That sent Olivia and Fin back to the woman’s apartment, since she had disappeared from the precinct.

“She’s never coming back,” Olivia said, despair filling her, when she saw that the woman had taken the photograph of Ellie that had sat on the mantel in her apartment. 

********

Olivia and Rafael were back in her office. Her behind the desk, him in the chair opposite. He’d gone for food, telling her she needed to eat something, but neither of them could bring themselves to take more than a bite or two; the food tasting like sawdust in their mouths. 

“I screwed up, Rafael,” she said, telling him she should have seen it coming. As a mom. As a cop.

“You saw it, Rafa. You warned me about her from the beginning,” Olivia said, looking at him across her desk.

“Maybe you were too close to it. Maybe you wanted this Sheila thing to work out too much,” he offered gently. Sitting forward he reached out to cover her hand with his. “But nevermind about that now. We’re going to find her and get him back. Then we’re all going away somewhere.”

Fin, Rollins and Carisi continued to follow up possible leads on where Sheila could have gone, trying to keep Olivia from actively participating per Dodds’ orders, but updating her as they were able. Finally, stress began to take its toll. Olivia’s hands shook as she took a drink of water, having given up on coffee hours earlier, and she couldn’t screw the cap back on the bottle. Rafael took it from her hands and did it himself. Then he said,

“I’m taking you home. You need to rest.”

“Rafael, what if they find something? I need to be here!” she protested, panic in her voice, fearing that she would miss word of her son if she wasn’t in the building. “I’ll rest in the cribs.”

He shook his head. “On those lumpy prison mattresses that reek of mold? No,  _ mi amor _ .” 

Rafael’s jaw was set. There was no smile or attempt at gentle coercion. He spoke kindly but was not taking no for an answer.

“We’ll go home, shower, get a few hours’ sleep and come back in the morning. Fin will call if anything develops and I’ll bring you right back.” He stood and drew her to her feet, holding her trembling hands in his. “I promise.”

Olivia allowed him to help her on with her coat and lead her from her office, an arm firmly about her waist. Her detectives looked up and Rafael said, 

“We’re going home. Call if anything breaks. Otherwise we’ll be back first thing in the morning.”

If any of them were surprised at his words or the sight of his arm around their lieutenant they gave no indication. Nor did they argue. There were nods all around and murmured promises to call immediately if they learned anything about Sheila and Noah’s whereabouts. It was late and they were tired as well, but all were staying to keep turning over rocks in search of the little boy. Olivia was family and that made Noah family too. A uniformed officer met them as they exited the elevator and said he had a car waiting to drive them to Olivia’s apartment.  _ God bless Fin Tutuola _ , thought Rafael. Olivia said nothing on the ride home and even allowed her eyes to close. He thought she had fallen asleep until they snapped open as soon as the car came to a stop outside her building. Rafael thanked the officer and they made their way upstairs. She walked in and shrugged off her coat, putting it on the rack purely out of habit. Then she started down the hall and he thought she was going to her room but she walked past the door to Noah’s. He followed, curious.

“Liv?” 

From the doorway he watched her standing in front of the fish tank.

“I need to feed the fish,” she told him, mechanically picking up the container of food and putting a pinch of flakes into the water, watching the squad swim quickly to the top for their meal. Returning the container back to the desk beside the tank she turned to face him and went to speak but something caught her attention first and she made a strangled sound, her hand going to her mouth.

“What is it?” Rafael asked, moving to her side.

“Eddie’s gone. She took Eddie too,” Olivia told him, pointing to Noah’s neatly made bed and the empty spot on the pillow where Eddie usually waited for him to come home from school. She clutched at his lapels with a grip that told him the suit would need to be steamed to get the wrinkles out. “She’s never bringing him back, Rafa.”

She drew out the last vowel sound in a near wail, her knees buckling like they had in her office and she dropped to sit on the bed, pulling Rafael down with her. This time, in the privacy of her home, she didn’t hold back the tears and sobbed until she was gasping for breath. He held her tightly, grinding his teeth that this was the second time in as many months the woman he loved was driven to tears by Sheila Porter. He vowed once they found her, he would make sure she rotted in jail. When her sobs subsided, he fished around in his pocket for his handkerchief and found it missing. A watery laugh escaped Olivia.

“I still have it.” She produced the square of linen from her own blazer pocket, making him chuckle as well.

“Keep it.”

The handkerchief humor seemed to lighten the moment and he decided she needed to get out of Noah’s room. He stood and pulled her to her feet.

“Come on. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to get out of these clothes.” He’d loosened his tie long ago, but now moved to unknot it completely. She pushed his hands away and completed the task herself, enjoying the feel of the silk under her fingers. Holding each end, she pulled him toward her and kissed his lips.

“Thank you,” she said softly, meeting his gaze.

“For what?”

“For being here.”

“Just doing my job,” he told her, returning the kiss.

After they’d each showered and changed into more comfortable clothes, he poured them each a small measure of scotch. “To help us relax and sleep,” he said when she frowned. “We’ll still be clear headed if Fin calls.”

He needn’t have worried about her being able to fall asleep without the drink. Almost as soon as they climbed into bed and she snuggled against him in her favorite position, she was asleep. It was he who lay awake, worrying. Had Noah asked for his mother, he wondered. And if so, what had Sheila told him? Other than at Lucy’s mother’s house, he knew the boy had never spent a night away from Olivia. The skies were lightening when he finally fell asleep, a thought having come to him he needed to run past the woman curled up next to him when she woke.

Olivia didn’t need him to tell her he hadn’t slept much when she opened her own eyes; it was written all over his face. She pushed him toward the shower telling him she’d make coffee. The hot water with a final splash of icy cold, because even worry and little sleep couldn’t override his body’s morning reaction to her, succeeded in waking him up. Law school and early years in the DAs office had him conditioned to functioning on days with more hours awake than not. She didn’t want to linger and they took their coffee with them as they made they way back to the precinct, discussing what had occurred to him overnight: that Sheila had to know someone there in the city.

After Rafael paid a visit to Sheila’s lawyer and got the name of the private investigator that found Noah, the investigation picked up more speed and they learned the man who took the boy from the mall was Sheila’s gardener in New Hampshire, which had Rollins and Carisi heading north to question him. He told them he’d given Sheila a key to his cabin but they weren’t there. Back in the city, Fin learned Sheila’s sister also had property in New Hampshire. A flight left in forty minutes, he told Olivia.

“I’m coming with you,” announced Rafael.

They had been sitting on her couch, holding hands and he made no effort to release hers when the detective entered. Brown eyes met determined green and Olivia saw a myriad of things; the least of which was his unwavering commitment to her and Noah. In that instant she knew, legal or not, he considered himself Noah’s father. Squeezing his hand she nodded briefly and stood.

“Fin, you’re driving.”

Olivia had the cab stop far enough down the road from the cabin that it wouldn't be heard by the occupants. It may have been early morning, but she didn't want to take any chances. Stepping out, she turned to Rafael. 

“You stay here.” She held up a hand to forestall the argument she saw forming in his eyes. “Rafa, you’re not armed, and I think I’m less of a threat to her alone.”

“I won’t come up to the house with you but I’m not just going to sit here,” he countered, sliding across the seat to climb out beside her.

“Fine. Do you have signal? Can you tell Rollins and Carisi we’re here?”

“Of course,” he replied, his thumbs moving over the screen of his phone as they walked closer to the log cabin. The two detectives were en route, having been updated by Fin after he dropped Olivia and Rafael at the airport.

“This is close enough for you,” she said, stopping. “If you hear shots, call 9-1-1.”

He swallowed. Hearing her say that drove home that they had been chasing a criminal. A woman who had kidnapped Noah. And the woman beside him would do anything to her get son back. Rafael reached out and touched her sleeve.

“Be careful,” he said. His eyes added,  _ I love you. _

“I love you, too,” Olivia replied and started up the hillside to the cabin.

As he stood and watched, she went inside, gun drawn. He never saw the other woman approach or enter behind her. The next thing he knew, Noah appeared on the porch in his pajamas, clutching Eddie and looking concerned. The boy tried to get back inside but the door was locked. He pounded a small fist on the wood.

“Momma! Let me in!”

“Noah!” Rafael started up the hillside toward the cabin, Olivia’s instructions be damned, the soles of his dress shoes slipping in the leaves. The boy spun around.

“Uncle Rafa!”

He made it to the porch and Noah descended two steps before launching himself through the air at him.The man caught him in his arms, managing to keep them both from falling to the ground.

“Noah!  _ Mijo! _ ” They held each other tightly,  the boys’ arms around his neck, face buried in his shoulder and legs around his waist. Rafael drew a deep breath of his sweet, childlike scent then drew back to look at him. “Are you all right?”

“Yes.” He nodded his head, curls bouncing.  “But Momma and Grandma Sheila are inside. Momma pushed me out the door. It sounded like they were fighting! Is Momma mad that we left for our vacation without waiting for her?”

So that was the explanation she had given the child, he thought. A vacation. He held back a snort at the thought. What was she planning on telling him the next day and the next, when Olivia never appeared to join them? Now that the child was safely in his arms, he began to wonder was what going on inside the cabin. There had been muffled thumps and cries, but nothing he could identify.

“Uncle Rafa, is Momma okay? Grandma Sheila isn’t going to hurt her is she? She looked really mad at Momma, not happy to see her like I was.”

Rafael shifted the boy in his arms. He was getting heavy, but his small feet were bare and he didn’t want to put him down. Plus he wore no coat and it was cold. Sitting down on the second to bottom step, he settled him on his lap and unbuttoned his overcoat so he could pull it around him.

“Did Grandma Sheila do something wrong? Is that why she wasn’t happy to see Momma?”

The man bit his lip while he pondered the child’s question. Olivia could be mad at him later. He wasn’t going to lie to him, but he needed to choose his words carefully and use ones Noah would understand.

“ _ Mijo, _ ” he said, “Your mom and I, and Aunt Amanda, Uncle Sonny and Uncle Fin have been looking for you for almost two days. Grandma Sheila did a really bad thing. She didn’t tell your mom she was taking you -- on a vacation. ”

“She didn’t?” The boy’s eyes were wide as he listened to what Rafael was telling him. The man shook his head.

“No.”

Before Noah could ask any more questions, the door behind them opened and the women came out, Sheila ahead of Olivia, her hands behind her back, which told Rafael she was in handcuffs. He stood up, still holding Noah.

“Momma!”

Rafael saw a flash of emotion in her eyes as they flickered from him to her son in his embrace. He gave her a brief nod. She swallowed hard. Before she could speak a black, unmarked SUV that Rafael knew was Rollins and Carisi, approached, followed by local police cars and an ambulance. He angled his body so Noah didn’t see them.

“Sweet boy, Uncle Rafa’s going to take you inside to get dressed so we can go home,” she told him. 

“Okay.” 

Sheila was safely in a squad car that was pulling away by the time Rafael and Noah exited the cabin. Seeing Olivia talking with Rollins and Carisi, he left the boy in the back of the ambulance under the watchful eye of the EMT while he returned to the cabin for his bag. She left her detectives and hurried to see her son.

“Where did Grandma Sheila go?” he asked.

“She has to go away for a while,” Olivia explained. “She’s a good person who did a really bad thing.”

“That’s what Uncle Rafa said,” Noah told her. “Can we go home now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! I need to rewatch the next eps that lead up to the one-that-shall-not-be-named and decide where I'm going to take this next. He did promise her a vacation.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia and Rafael bring Noah home after rescuing him from Sheila Porter. Noah and Rafael have a little talk and Olivia tells Rafael what happened in the cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my take on what happened when they got home in my Enchanted world. It makes me sad to think in canon Liv had to deal with the emotional aftermath all by herself. We'll be moving back into show episodes in the next chapter and exploring more how Olivia and Rafael's relationship moves forward now that they've disclosed.

Since Olivia had never officially been working the case, she wasn’t required at the precinct for debriefing and paperwork and was able to take Noah straight home. While outwardly they didn’t seem any worse for wear from the experience, neither mother nor son wanted to be out of sight of the other. Rafael volunteered to go get some groceries, and when he left the apartment they were snuggled up on the couch together under a blanket with cartoons playing on the television. His return found Noah paging through an illustrated book of dinosaurs, leaning against his mother’s side while she slept; one arm curled around him. He put the bags down on the breakfast bar and motioned for the boy to join him in the kitchen. But when Noah tried to slide out of his mother’s sleeping half embrace, her arm tightened around him and he couldn’t move from his position without waking her. Rafael crossed the room to lean over Olivia. He brushed the hair back from her face, and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead. 

“It’s all right,  _ mi amor _ ,” he whispered. “You’re both home now, and Noah is safe.”

As he hoped, his voice penetrated her subconscious and the woman relaxed her grip so the boy could get off the couch. He helped Rafael pull the blanket up over his mother then followed him into the kitchen. The man was curious what exactly had transpired with Sheila, but he wasn’t going to ask Noah any questions when Liv was asleep and couldn’t hear the answers. He lifted him up to sit on the counter, holding him a little longer than necessary, but got no objections from the boy. In fact, once he let go, Noah’s hands lingered on his shoulders, fingering the collar of his shirt. He could tell by the look on his face, the child wanted to say something.

“What is it, Noah?” Rafael asked gently, hoping whatever it was, was something he was able to answer.

“Why didn’t Grandma Sheila tell Momma she was taking me — taking me on a vacation?” 

For all of the developmental delays he may have had as an infant and toddler as the result of the way he spent his first few months of life, Noah was a smart child. He was very perceptive and able to read between the lines. Rafael thought that may have been a learned skill; from having a parent and other adult role models in law enforcement. At least for the moment, the adults were still keeping to what Porter had told Noah; that she had taken him on a vacation. But Rafael got the feeling the boy had figured out his grandmother never intended on bringing him back to New York City. Or to Olivia.

“I don’t know, Noah. But I’d like to know the answer to that question and your mom does too. I’m sure she plans on asking her.”  _ Among other things,  _ he thought. He began putting away some of the groceries and thinking about what he would make for dinner. Spaghetti, he decided, since Noah missed spaghetti night earlier that week.

“Uncle Rafa?”

“Hmmm?” He was looking in the cupboard for sauce ingredients, but shifted his gaze to the boy, swinging his small socked feet and knew he had something else to say. Rafael turned and leaned a hip against the counter and gave him his full attention.

“Can I tell you something?” Noah asked.

Rafael had long since shed his suit coat and tie and the boy reached out a finger to trace the pattern on one of his suspenders, not making eye contact. The man reached out and tipped the boy’s chin up with his own finger to meet the blue eyes with his own green.

“ _ Mijo, _ ” he said, “you can tell me anything.”

“When I was with Grandma Sheila, it was fun at first. We got milkshakes and hamburgers and went for a walk in the woods and looked for deer, but -- “ he paused, biting his small lip.

“But what?”

“But then Momma didn’t get there like Grandma Sheila said she would, and I kept asking and she kept saying soon. And when I went to bed, even though I had Eddie and I tried not to be, I was scared,” Noah said, his bottom lip starting to tremble. “I was scared Momma wasn’t coming.”

Rafael pulled the boy into his arms and held him tight, cursing Sheila Porter and himself for letting Olivia convince him it was okay for the woman to be alone with Noah.

“It’s okay, Noah. You’re safe now and your mom will always be here.” He pressed a kiss on top of the the brown curls under his chin. Suddenly, before either could say anything else, a cry came from the other room:

“NOAH!”

Olivia was sitting straight up on the couch, eyes wide, scanning the room for her son. Rafael swept Noah off the counter and rushed around the partial wall to where she was.

“Liv, it’s okay. We’re right here,” he said, putting Noah down on the couch beside her, where she immediately pulled him into a tight embrace. Rafael sat down behind her and put his arms around the two of them. He could feel her trembling. “It was a dream,  _ mi amor _ ,” he whispered into her ear. 

“Momma, I’m here.” Noah put his hands on her cheeks and she saw the concern in his blue eyes.

“Yes, you are, sweet boy. I’m fine. I was just having a dream.” Olivia gave herself a mental shake and pulled herself together. It wouldn’t do for her son to see her fall apart over a dream. She leaned back against Rafael’s chest a bit, still holding Noah loosely in her arms.

“What were you and Uncle Rafa doing in the kitchen?” she asked and the man saw Noah’s eyes flicker to him. He didn’t want his mother to know he had been frightened. 

“Noah was going to help me get dinner started. How about spaghetti night since --” he paused and recovered quickly, “ -- since we haven’t had it in a while?”

After their new spaghetti night dinner was eaten, Noah bathed and tucked into bed after three stories, feeding the fish and several assurances they would be right down the hall, his door left open and the bathroom light on since it was between his room and Olivia’s -- Rafael still wasn’t ready to call it their room -- they retired as well, although he was sure she wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. The nap earlier was out of sheer exhaustion and because the adrenaline she’d been going on had run out. She paced around the room, tidying things then said, “I’ll be right back.” and disappeared out the door. He watched the clock. Five minutes passed, then ten. Rafael walked down the hall to Noah’s room where he know he’d find her, standing in the doorway watching him sleep. He touched her arm gently.

“Liv, come to bed. He’s safe.”

She allowed him to take her hand and lead her back to the other room. He knew she needed to talk about what happened in the cabin. Plus, he was curious to know what transpired between the two women.

“Tell me about what happened this morning. When you went in the cabin.” He spoke gently, encouragingly; like he would to a witness on the stand.

Olivia sat down on the bed with her back to the headboard and drew her knees to her chest, as if protecting herself while retelling the events. He sat opposite her.

“The door was unlocked.” She shrugged. “I guess in the middle of nowhere there’s no need to lock it. I don’t know what I expected. To see Sheila sitting there, waiting for me? But the room was empty. There were other doors to bedrooms I assume, that were closed. Before I could even approach one, she hit me from behind with something.”

“My God! Liv! I assumed she was inside. I never saw her go in the door from where I was.”

“I don’t know where she came from,” she continued. “When she hit me, I fell down and lost my gun. She picked it up and held it on me. Then she started telling me things like she was Noah’s family, not me and I worked all the time and the city is no place to raise a boy.”

Olivia had been looking past him into space, reliving those moments. Now she met his gaze. 

“She told me I could just adopt another child, Rafael. And that I wasn’t his mother.”

“What did you say?” he asked.

“I told her blood isn’t the only thing makes families.”

“Of course it’s not.” He shook his head, his face impassive, but his own blood boiling with anger toward Sheila.

“Then Noah came out of the bedroom. He was so happy to see me! Sheila put the gun down on a side table, because I think she wanted to try and grab him away from me. But I shoved him out the door and locked it. I hated to do it. I just wanted to hold him, but I needed to keep him safe.”

“And you knew I was outside.”

“Yes, I knew you were outside. I knew you would get him and keep him safe, Rafa. I could hear him calling for me. Pounding on the door while Sheila tried to get it open. But I couldn’t let her. We struggled and then she just -- just gave up. Like she knew she was defeated.”

Olivia sighed and Rafael knew as much as she might despise Sheila, she felt sorry for her all the same. She lost her only child and now had probably lost the last connection she had to Ellie with Noah. 

“Liv.” He put a hand over hers and gave it a squeeze. 

“Noah told me Sheila said they were going on a vacation and you would be joining them. He said it was fun at first, but then he got afraid you weren’t coming,” Rafael told her. “He doesn’t want you to know he was afraid. He knows what Sheila did was wrong but he doesn’t understand why.”

Olivia sighed again. “Five year olds shouldn’t be afraid of not seeing their parents again.”

He heard her use the plural and wasn’t sure if it was deliberate or just a slip of a tired tongue. Deliberate or not, the thought that she might consider him Noah’s parent made emotion swell in his chest. He squeezed her hand again.    


“Let’s try and get some sleep.”

Standing, Rafael rounded to the side of the bed he’d slept on the night before and got under the covers. Olivia turned off the light and hesitated, standing beside the bed. He knew she wanted to go check on Noah again.

“Go.” He nodded his head toward the door and smiled lovingly. “But don’t make me come get you this time.”

She was back in four minutes. Then she crawled under the covers and curled up next to him with her head on his shoulder.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you.” He kissed the top of her head.

It seemed they had barely fallen asleep when he was awakened by Olivia sitting up in bed.

“What?” Rafael asked. Then he heard it.

“Momma! Momma!” 

She threw back the blankets and was out the door. He sat up and waited, listening. He could hear muffled sounds from down the hall. A few minutes later, he heard the toilet flush in the bathroom and Olivia returned to the bedroom, carrying Noah, who was carrying Eddie.

“Do you mind?” she murmured. “Or I can sleep in his bed.”

He shook his head. “Put him down. There’s plenty of room.”

A sleepy Noah crawled into the middle of the bed and he could see tear stains on his face.

“As long as Eddie keeps his trunk to himself,” Rafael added, earning a soft giggle from the boy.


End file.
